Entries Tagged as 'New York'

Not cool, dudebro

November 7th, 2013 · 104 Comments

The only think Derek — I’m sorry, “Dman” — had to say about this note was, “i live with some girls, and one is pretty funny.” Something tells that “funny ha ha” isn’t what comes to his roommates’ minds when mopping up Derek’s puddles of urine.

Derek, Peeing IN the toilet bowl is a non-negotiable part of having indoor plumbing; if you don't like aiming, go outside.

related: The Piddler on the Roof

Tags: actually totally reasonable · most popular notes of 2013 · New York · piss · roommates

Ever wondered what it would be like sharing an office with William Carlos Williams?

September 8th, 2013 · 54 Comments

First with the plums, now lemons? Seriously, Bill?

I hope you enjoyed the half lemon I had just taken out of the fridge. Next time buy your own. We all Work for ourselves not to feed Strangers.

And by the way, I’d like my red wheelbarrow back, please. (So much depends upon it, after all.)

HELP YOURSELF But NOT to the Wheelbarrow (like last year) please!

(Thanks to our submitters Sarah in NYC and Steve in the U.K.)

related: What rhymes with putrid?

extra credit: This Is Just to Say

Tags: food · New York · office fridge · pure poetry · stealing

Dirty laundry for sale!

June 17th, 2013 · 63 Comments

Laura spotted this yard sale sign outside Peet’s Coffee Shop in Portland, Oregon.

Ex-Wife Left Me, Come Get Her Stuff Before She Returns on Monday. HURRY!!

Peter spotted a similar sign in his Long Island neighborhood a while back.

Mom spent my trust fund. So I'm selling her stuff!

related: Garage sale drama

Tags: ex drama · garage sale · Long Island · Portland · revenge

The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 Comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

Tags: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

The naked truth

April 18th, 2013 · 56 Comments

Writes Nick in New York: “Those of you who have ever lived alone will remember the feeling of liberation and wild abandon that comes with getting your first solo space after a lifetime of family and crazy roommates.”

He continues: ”Unfortunately, I’ve got neighbors across a very narrow alley (about 6 feet across) and all our windows face each other. When I first moved in I noticed their shades were always down so I carried on with the kinds of things mid-20s guys do when they live alone. I have no idea what they had an opportunity to see, but it was enough to inspire them to post this note on all three windows. Whoops?”

To The New Neighbor Dear Neighbor: Welcome to the building. Given the close proximity of our windows and out of respect for each others' privacy, we would ask that you please pull your shade down to a reasonable height. Thank you.

related: Buy curtains. Please.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · neighbors · New York

This Valentine’s Day, give the gift of honesty

February 14th, 2013 · 32 Comments

Rachel in New York City says one of her students proudly presented her with this card, adding, “I think it speaks for itself.”

Dear Rachel You are the 2nd best teacher Ever ? Love You

related: Happy Valentine’s Day to the groaner upstairs

Tags: heart · kids · most popular notes of 2013 · New York · schools & teachers · signed with love · Valentine's Day

So long, and thanks for all the Swiss

January 12th, 2013 · 45 Comments

At Westside Market in New York City, a cheesemonger gives his final two (hundred and ninety-nine) cents:

TO OUR LOYAL FRIENDS WE WILL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO PUT QUOTES ON OUR LABELS DUE TO ONE PERSONS CONSTANT COMPLAINTS ITS BEEN FUN I HOPE I MADE YOU THINK PETER ANDREW DANIELS THE DR.

related: Don’t blame us — blame the crazy lady!

extra credit: Meet The Mysterious Cheesemonger Behind The Quotable Fromage [gothamist.com]

"It's been a hard days night and I've been working like a dog" - John Lennon

extra extra credit: A Collection of Curiously Eccentric Cheese Labels [nymag.com]

Tags: cheese · don't blame us · New York

Sink squatters

December 10th, 2012 · 23 Comments

Spotted, appropriately enough, in New York’s Theater District (though I guess Hell’s Kitchen would have made sense, too):

I've been here since Monday. How about you? I got here last week. I'm staying. Me too. I'm never leaving. Let's make salmonella.

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · dishes · New York · office

Black, white, and RED all over

November 27th, 2012 · 23 Comments

“You can’t tell from the photo,” our submitter says, “but the paper quality of this notice is above average. I guess there’s no cheap printer paper for angry Upper East Side residents!”

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY NEW YORK TIMES. I BELIEVE IN PRIVATE PROPERTY, IF YOU DON'T, WELL, THEN YOU ARE A COMMUNIST.

Although our submitter admits she was surprised this wasn’t posted by a Wall Street Journal subscriber, I’d say this more or less fits with the unique approach of the typical New York Times subscriber. WSJ-ers, on the other hand…

Hey!! I ordered the Wall Street Journal to be delivered here. Please stop taking it, or i'll break your fuckin' arms! Love, Harrison

related: Comrades, take notice! 

extra credit: The People’s Daily salutes Kim Jong Eun, 2012′s Sexiest Man Alive

extra extra credit: “Commie Mints”

Tags: New York · newspaper · stealing

Do you have a conscience?

August 28th, 2012 · 37 Comments

Visiting her friend’s apartment for the first time, Kristin in New York City couldn’t help but notice that the entryway was completely covered with ALL CAPS notes from the building’s landlord. Among her favorites was this meta-monstrosity.

Says Kristin: “I love how his tone is over-the-top aggressive, but his actual threat isn’t that scary, given that, as far as I could tell, he’s the only one putting up signs.”

NOTICE WARNING For the last time! Do Not EVER take down/move any sign I put up!! If this EVER happens AGAIN, I will take down ANYTHING on any hallway WALL or DOOR that I did not put up. LAST REMINDER (which should not be necessary!!) DON'T EVER TOUCH ANY SIGN I PUT UP OR ANYTHING in the main floor hallway (THAT BELONGS TO ME)!! Thank you, Abbott

Another of Kristin’s favorites was this one, about water usage. “I’m not sure how overuse of water in New York impacts people in Haiti, but OK!”

Do you have a conscience? Think of all the many Haitians who are dying for just a drop of the water you are wasting. Remember God sees all! THINK!!!

related: Love, the Landlord

Tags: CAPS LOCK · guilt trip · landlords and property managers · New York · warning