Entries Tagged as 'Brooklyn'

Which response is classier?

August 27th, 2012 · 48 Comments

These two different approaches to the same problem were submitted within minutes of each other.

Exhibit a) From Hipsterville, Brooklyn, Like a Sir, as spotted by Kaitlin:

To whomever is stealing our NY Times each morning, this is your first, last and only warning: stop it! We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.

Exhibit b) From Niceville, Minnesota, Killing you with Kindness, as spotted by Bitsy:

Good Morning! I don't mind if you take my newspaper to read — I know you are trying to stay current with the local news — 

related: All the news that’s fit to steal

Tags: Brooklyn · Minnesota · neighbors · newspaper · stealing

Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

July 10th, 2011 · 117 Comments

Writes Carolyn in Brooklyn: “My youngest daughter, Annisa, clearly had a problem with her recalcitrant tooth fairy. This is a series of letters, including an envelope, that I saved from her early years. I have no doubt that her finely tuned negotiating skills were developed as a result.” The best part? Annisa, who just turned 31 on Saturday, is now — no joke — a Director of Human Resources.”

(I really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think we have a new winner.)

Dear tooth fairy, I lost my tooth on 23 of Oct. Now it is Nov. 12. I lost my tooth in pizza. I lost both today. You owe me $1.00 not to be hard but I need money. Annisa

Dear tooth fairy, I did not get my 1.00. I told you I lost my tooth in pizza. I hope you're prepared that I am going to take it up with your mother. And I have a penalty for whatever night you miss you owe me a 25 cents more. And maybe I'll take it up with your boss. And I'll tell him you're goofind off. And I love to talk to you in person over Juice and tea. So when you write back give me your phone number and address talk over cookies. Annisa  p.s. don't correct my spelling

Dear Toothfairy,  I want two dollars for my tooth because It's my first fang. Annisa  P.S. If you don't give me what I want I will find another tooth fairy.   Dear Toothfairy, It is the next day, and I don't have my money. I will have to charge you 25 cents more for penalty and I want $2.25 tomorrow morning. Annisa

Letter for the tooth fairy

related: Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

Tags: Brooklyn · kids · money · most popular notes of 2011 · p.s.

See, this is why people hate vegans.

July 6th, 2011 · 788 Comments

“When I moved in a year ago, my roommate was an ovo-lacto vegetarian, whereas I was (and still am) an omnivore,” explains our submitter in Brooklyn. “She used to not care about my eating habits, but about four months ago she decided to become a full-blown vegan and has been insufferable since then. Yesterday I went food shopping for myself, and when I came back from work today I found this letter on my bedside table.”

(Yeah, the writing is a little hard to read — just wait for the page to load completely, and then click the images below to enlarge.)

I have to be blunt with you.

Why do you buy SO MUCH meat?

related: Carnivore? Keep being awesome!

Tags: and that's an order · Brooklyn · food · most popular notes of 2011 · roommates · self-righteous vegans · TL;DR · unsolicited feedback

And bad fences make bad neighbors?

November 3rd, 2010 · 51 Comments

At least three New Yorkers have independently spotted and submitted this sign in Windsor Terrace, Brooklyn, so I figured it’s time to give it a proper showing. (Submitter Adam took several photos from a variety of angles, so you can a picture of the whole scene.)

This fence was installed to prevent my neighbor from destroying my plants!

Amanda also provided some color commentary. “The ‘plants’ in question are the small jungle encroaching from the right of the photo,” she says. “Honestly, without the sign, the property would have just looked abandoned. Now it looks more like the home of a crotchety hermit.”

THIS FENCE WAS INSTALLED TO PREVENT MY NEIGHBOR FROM DESTROYING MY PLANTS!

And our anonymous submitter, who happens to live less than a block away from these two houses, even did a little extra detective work. “I’ve tried and tried to find out the back story,” he says, “but so far all I have been able to find out is that the feuding neighbors are also brother and sister.”

I think that pretty much explains it, no?

related: Another example of Brooklyn’s seemingly unparalleled commitment to exasperated signage

Tags: Brooklyn · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors · siblings

Courtesy & Cojones

September 21st, 2010 · 35 Comments

Both Lauren and Maureen took note of this sign outside a fish warehouse in an industrial area of Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

“I found the combination of ‘Balls’ (capitalized!) and ‘Courtesy’ a hilarious mix of politeness and vulgarity,” Maureen says. “I also thought it was funny that they are offended not only by the neighbors’ complaints but by the fact that people don’t complain to them about the smell.”

If You Have any Problems with Fish Odor, Please Have the Balls and Courtesy to Complain to Us Directly

related: Eau dear

Tags: Brooklyn · excessive capitalization · fish · odor

You’re (not) welcome!

September 16th, 2010 · 48 Comments

Okay, I’m totally calling bullshit on this note (spotted by Seth in the lobby of his Brooklyn apartment building).

If one of your neighbors knocked on your door and said, “Hey, so, I’ve been really needing a doormat….can I have yours?” —  would your response really be, “Well, since you asked…here you go!!”

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: IF YOU NEEDED A WELCOME MAT THAT BADLY YOU NEEDED ONLY TO ASK FOR IT. SHAME ON YOU FOR STEALING IT!!

Shame on you for being a bold-typefaced liar, notewriter!

related: Wrath mat

Tags: Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · neighbors · stealing

One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

May 25th, 2010 · 124 Comments

When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.

Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.

Hi Sandra :) Since you hid the toilet paper I'm assuming you are hard hit on cash so here is a gift on me. Enjoy the free roll girl friend....  Liz :) xoxoxo

Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”

I was going to give you money for the ONE roll of toilet paper we ended up switching out. But I understand where you're coming from. A little passive-aggressive though.

Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper  — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”

Buy your own damn toilet paper.

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.

Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

Tags: Brooklyn · Kansas City · Mississippi · roommates · smiley · toilet paper · xoxo

More crooked chiropractors

July 23rd, 2009 · 109 Comments

My favorite part of this landlord-chiropractor dispute in Brooklyn is the (professionally printed?) “tenant snuck out over the weekend” sign. How long has this landlord had that one in reserve?

TENANT SNUCK OUT OVER WEEKEND

Meanwhile, Dan in Dallas received this direct-mail don’t from a doc he’s dubbed “Dmitri the chiropractor.”

spinal manipulation

related: spinal manipulation

Tags: Brooklyn · Dallas/Fort Worth · landlords and property managers · message to all intended for one

Repestect yourself

June 29th, 2009 · 159 Comments

Presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by Rob in the recently-painted elevator of his Brooklyn apartment building. It has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

If you like to do graphity, dont do it. Pull your pants down and graphity your ass. Repestect this building and if you dont repect it do it in your own building. This is not Prospect Park. This building is being recorded 24/7 and if your taped, you will go to jail. Do not right back on this paper knock on Apt 2B if you don't like this message. -Management

related: Your are welcome to our home

Tags: bizarro spacing · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · elevator · graffiti · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2009 · now that's management · runaway run-on sentences · spelling and grammar police · the po-po · your/you're

…and forgive us our trespasses

April 20th, 2009 · 162 Comments

Writes Kerry in Brooklyn: “I just moved into a new apartment, and they don’t have secured outside parking for bikes. My place is NYC-sized, so naturally I decided to lock one of my bikes to the banister right outside my door. Apparently that’s a big no-no in the building.”

Please Move Your Bike!!!

Meanwhile, Melanie in Newport, Rhode Island spotted this on the lawn of the Salvation Army in her neighborhood, adding “I, for one, certainly applaud whomever had the baguettes to do such a thing.”

STOP WASTING FOOD!

related: The first thing I did when I woke up

Tags: bicycle · bread · Brooklyn · food · neighbors