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Entries Tagged as 'New York'

I am embarrassed for you!

June 22nd, 2010 · 62 Comments

If the writer of this public service announcement had Angela‘s gall, she would have printed up flyers and handed them out to offenders in person. Instead, she (and yes, I’m making the outrageous assumption here that it’s a she) just posted it in the elevator of her Columbia University dorm…without spell-checking her work first. People, seriously?

Unless, of course, this was all part of a larger prank pairing the phone number of some unsuspecting victim with this oh-so-compelling pitch (“learn how this will improve your LIFE + GRADES”) and placing it within easy firing range of drunk college students. Then, well…then you’d be an even bigger arsehole.

People, Seriously! You Dress Like SLOBS I am embarrassed For You! [Phone number redacted] (when calling, always begin with reading the sign) Questions on how to dress better and to learn how this will improve your LIFE + GRADES

related: A little advice for the ladies

Tags: attire · bad sales pitch · college life · New York · spelling and grammar police · Too good to be real? · unsolicited feedback

Wake me up, Scotty!

June 10th, 2010 · 106 Comments

Too busy to microwave your morning serving of saturated fat? No worries! If you’re a New Yorker, you can get your “special diet food” delivered right to your door. Or, um, your neighbors’ doors.

An open letter to “Scotty,” who presumably lives in this building.  Hey Scotty, here’s a wacky idea for you – next time you order food delivery maybe you should remember to tell them which apartment you live in.   Now, god bless you for ordering McDonald’s at 7:15am - you must have been in pretty rough shape if you couldn’t walk your ass 3 minutes down the block to pick up an egg McMuffin yourself.  But to be honest, it’s pretty annoying to be woken up three times by the delivery guy knocking on my door (I told him I wasn’t Scotty and didn’t order McDonalds, but I guess he didn’t believe me the first two times). And it was especially awesome when he just started yelling your name in the hallway in hopes that you’d hear him. Thanks for that, really appreciate it.

Our anonymous submitter can vouch for the note’s veracity. First of all, she says, the McDonalds is literally one block away from the apartment building. “But what’s worse,” she says, “is that the dude didn’t give his apartment number, so the delivery guy just started banging on random people’s doors and yelling ‘Scotty!’  in the hallway. At 7 AM!”

related: The time-tested “sausage, egg and cheese” diet

Tags: food · knocking · McDonalds · neighbors · New York · noise · thanks (but not really)

One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

May 25th, 2010 · 124 Comments

When someone starts hiding the formerly communal toilet paper, that’s typically the beginning of the end.

Exhibit a) From Liz in Brooklyn, New York: “My old roommate was a huge pain for a lot of reasons, but what really did it for me was when she would finish the roll of toilet paper and then hide the new roll in her room so only she could use it.” Before moving out, Liz left her roomie with this parting gift.

Hi Sandra :) Since you hid the toilet paper I'm assuming you are hard hit on cash so here is a gift on me. Enjoy the free roll girl friend....  Liz :) xoxoxo

Exhibit b) From BK in Kansas City, Missouri: “My roommate wanted us to buy separate toilet paper because he thought I used a lot, which seemed kind of ridiculous to me. Then, when he ran out of toilet paper he would use mine. I took my toilet paper out of the bathroom so he couldn’t use it anymore. Then he wrote me a passive aggressive note saying I was passive-aggressive.”

I was going to give you money for the ONE roll of toilet paper we ended up switching out. But I understand where you're coming from. A little passive-aggressive though.

Exhibit c) From LJ at Mississipi State University: “I have no idea why my roommate felt the need to hide the toilet paper  — it wasn’t like I was using it *excessively* or anything. A few days after this happened, we had to have a meeting mediated by the Residence Director, because they were pretty sure we were going to kill each other.”

Buy your own damn toilet paper.

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt.

Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

Tags: Brooklyn · Kansas City · Mississippi · roommates · smiley · toilet paper · xoxo

My parents pay $51,000 a year for this Ivory Tower, and I’m not going to leave it without a fight.

May 18th, 2010 · 134 Comments

Our submitter, P, is a sophomore at a certain university in upstate New York (the one that typically ties with Penn for the Ivy League university most people forget is actually in the Ivy League).

Students are moving out of the dorms this week, P says, so facilities management locked the building’s garbage chute to prevent it from overflowing. “Instead, residents are supposed to take the trash to a dumpster that’s a couple of feet away from the building — we even have an elevator!”

But what if your sense of entitlement is like, too heavy to make it to that elevator? Hello, note war!

I pay $51,000 a year to go to this school. I'm not walking my garbage downstairs when there is a fully functioning garbage chute behind this door. It will be in the hall waiting for you :)

Don't you understand that a facilities management person is going to have to carry all of your trash outside? Do you really think they get the $51,000 'YOU' pay? It doesn't matter how entitled you think you are, no one should have to deal with your mess or pick up after you. I would be so ashamed to call someone like you a friend or acquaintance. Unbelievable.

related: At Oberlin, that $48,000 a year doesn’t include toilet paper.

extra credit: What not to wear in Ithaca [Ivygate]

Tags: college life · garbage · Ithaca · just an asshole · note wars · smiley

Coffee, mate?

April 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

So, you don’t want to share your super-special non-dairy creamer/handsoap with the rest of the office?

You could go for the semi-direct approach…

Not Community Property

But as Ocie in Petaluma, California witnessed, that might not be enough of a deterrent.

To the person or persons who continue to consume my Coffee-Mate coffee creamer in spite of my name being clearly marked on the container: PLEASE STOP!!!!

In that case, you could try to dial up the crazy a little more, like Nicole in Florida…

Dear Coffee Creamer Thief,  What part of DO NOT TOUCH don't you understand? This is NOT your creamer and I know you didn't ask me if you could have some. Get your own coffee creamer! >:( Querido Ladron de Crema! Que parte de NO TOCAR no entiende? Esta no es su crema y yo seque usted no me pregunto si podia tomasla. Compre tu propia crema para cafe!

Or you just might have to get a little bit creative.

BREAST MILK. Drink at your own risk. : /

URINE sample for my parole officer. Don't Touch.

“Truth be told,” says Mick in McLean, Virginia, “I never did check to see what was in the container.” (Which I guess was kinda the point, right?)

related: I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

Tags: California · coffee · New York · Northern Virginia · office fridge · Orlando · piss · stealing · Texas

Funny money

March 23rd, 2010 · 109 Comments

This first note, spotted by Nick, is from a school in New Jersey; the second, from DeAnna and Shawn, was taken at a school in Stony Brook, New York. Apart from those details… not really all that different, eh?

(I don’t think Monopoly-land has universal health care, though.)

THIS was stuck in the machine! Use real money and you'll get a real Drink! Use play money and everybody Gets NOTHING! Ms Joanne

Canadian $ is NOT real $

Love you, Canada! And your loonies, too.

related: putting 50 pennies in here is a hostile act

Tags: beverages · Canada · money · New Jersey · New York

Is this chicken, what just hit me in the head, or is this fish?

March 12th, 2010 · 64 Comments

This week’s “WTF? Friday” contribution comes from Carey in Brooklyn, who spotted this warning taped to a telephone pole at a busy intersection in Long Island City, Queens. “I looked around carefully,” Carey says, “but there were no flying missiles to be seen.”

WARNING: Cans of tuna fish are being thrown out of windows on this corner. This is not a joke. Cans of tuna fish are being thrown out of windows on this corner. This is not a joke. A can of tuna fish was launched at a friend and I as we stood on the corner of 47th Avenue and 11th Street. Be careful you don't get hit in the head by one of these mysteriously flying cans! The culprit is a little coward, so keep your eyes open.

related: Passive-allergic

Tags: New York · Queens · visual aids · warning · WTF?