Entries Tagged as 'New Zealand'

The next great civil rights battle?

April 9th, 2013 · 58 Comments

Our submitter in New Zealand, if forced to make a wild guess, says this missive “is probably from the woman across the hallway who stood in the middle of the floor last week and asked loudly, three times, ‘Who took my peanut butter from the fridge? Who?’” and then slunk back to her desk muttering under her breath.”

Did you know that we live in an enlightened society...Women have the vote - hard to believe, but, yes, its true! Same sex marriage/civil union - is alive and well. We can, if we wish, leave our peanut butter in the fridge at work (well - you should be able to!) That the premise of 'respect for all' is a given... It takes 5 minutes longer to put your dish in the dishwasher - please give it a go

related: A sticky situation

Tags: New Zealand · office · peanut butter

Relax, you miserable sod, you’re on island time!

October 10th, 2012 · 162 Comments

Spotted by Gretchen in the resort town of Mount Maunganui, New Zealand:

WE WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST:- When ordering food please ask for the APPROXIMATE waiting time then perhaps do the following: Go for a walk, feed the seagulls, watch the ocean waves crashing against the sandy shore, chat to the boaties as they bring in their catch, sit down, relax, read a magazine, etc. etc. then pop back in at the right time and see if your order is ready or your number has been called.  WHAT WE DO NOT RECOMMEND:- Waiting with a sour face that even your mother would find hard to love, arms folded, tapping your feet, looking at your watch every thirty seconds, and asking if your food is ready every 60 seconds, then when its ready snatching it out of the hands of our tired and hassled staff.  PLEASE REMEMBER:- CHILL!! And let's have a stress free holiday.  A smile and patience cost nothing.  THANKYOU!!  Ps If you have forgotten how to smile and chill out there is an online guide at www.dontbesuchamiserablesod.com.

related: A clue that your whole “half-caf, extra hot, non-fat dressing-on-the-side” thing might be a bit much

Tags: "polite notice" · most popular notes of 2012 · New Zealand · p.s. · restaurant

Error: Command not found

September 17th, 2012 · 41 Comments

This heapsort arrived via an anonymous sender in Wellington, New Zealand. (Notice the menacing-looking knife at right…)

IT IS BECOMING WORSE & WORSE SO PLEASE PLEASE KEEP THIS OFFICE TIDY! THANKS...SERIOUSLY? PLEASE READ THE SIGN! I WAS JUST HERE 2 MIN AGO TAKING ALL THE DIRTY DISHES LEFT HER (WHICH I SHOULDN'T BE DOING....) AND COME BACK TO FIND THIS. I MEAN, YOU SAW ME DO IT!! Your request has been placed in a priority queue. In the meantime we have submitted it to www.passiveaggressivenotes.com where you you will be able to monitor its progress.

related: An ABP on the V8

Tags: confusion??? · New Zealand · office · smartass

Please don’t treat the stapler like you treat your farm animals

November 1st, 2011 · 51 Comments

This brilliantly understated little note comes to us from a campus library at the University of Auckland, where submitter Louise says the staplers do seem to get jammed into disrepair on a fairly regular basis.

This stapler is now in perfect mechanical condition. It works just fine. Please do not abuse the stapler. Remember: This is just an ordinary stapler, not a rocket powered attaching device. It will NOT staple together half a ream of paper. Unlike a plowing mule, hitting it really hard will not make the stapler work harder to accomplish your goal.

(I have to admit that I kinda love this one. Hat tip to you, librarian!)

related: (Insert Office Space reference here)

extra credit: A rocket-powered detaching device

Tags: fed-up librarian · most popular notes of 2011 · New Zealand · office supplies

Well, that seems (uri)logical enough.

October 4th, 2010 · 50 Comments

Today’s dose of bathroom humor is brought to you by our submitter, Johnny in New Zealand, with the contributions of two anonymous would-be Conchords.

Please do not put chewing gum into this urinal as it causes [blockages] the flavour to go horrible. This urinal tastes horrible even without the gum!

related: The yogurt’s expired. Run for your lives!

Tags: all clogged up · New Zealand · smartass · toilet

Merry Christmas to one and all (except you)

December 23rd, 2009 · 62 Comments

So, has holiday time with the fam driven you to the bottle yet? Before you head out to happy hour, just remember that Christmas is no excuse for pub owners to mince words.

Just ask Finlay in Edinburgh, Scotland…

CHRISTMAS DAY Usual rules apply. Private function. Friends, family, & regulars only. "Merry Christmas to one and all" Sparky

Or Ross in Wellington, New Zealand…

Due to Udit being a douche the Cavern Club Christmas party has been cancelled.

And for the rest of us…Happy Festivus, Troublemakers! May your airing of grievances be merrily aggressive-aggressive.

related: we will be happy to service your hangover on January 1

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · New Zealand · Scotland

The identity property of flatmates

October 26th, 2008 · 93 Comments

Sarah in New Zealand says all three of these notes went up before 10 a.m. on Monday (trash day). Adds Sarah: “We can only assume that Oliver keeps some kind of detailed diary about everything that happens in our flat, but only refers to it when things haven’t been done.”

the identity property of flatmates

related: 10 people, one kitchen

Tags: garbage · New Zealand · note wars · roommates