Entries Tagged as 'newspaper'

The gorilla in the window

December 10th, 2014 · 43 Comments

A reader in Canberra, Australia passed along this article about an English granny up in arms about her right to display a knitted toy gorilla in her window.

To whom it may concern Are you the person that made a complaint to the police about the knitted toy gorilla in our window Well why did you not knock on our door and tell us face to face what your concerns were about this toy. These toys usually bring a smile to most people's faces especially kiddies. I am so looking forwards to seeing your face but it's not going to happen IS IT?
Says the article:

Anne Feast, 70, knitted ‘Cilla the Gorilla’ last year and the toy has been hanging in the window at her home in Bell Holt, Ely, alongside numerous other characters she has created, ever since.

But mother and grandmother-of-two Anne, who has lived in her home with her husband, Philip, 71, for around 14 years, was asked by police to remove the gorilla after it was reported by a passer-by.

The couple don’t know exactly why Cilla caused offence, but they suspect it is either because someone thought it was racist or the way that the ape hangs down.

Yes…the way the ape hangs downOh, and here’s a transcription of that note:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN Are you the person that made a complaint to the police about the knitted toy gorilla in our window Well why did you not knock on our door and tell us face to face what your concerns were about this toy. These toys usually bring a smile to most people’s faces especially kiddies. I am so looking forwards to seeing your face but it’s not going to happen IS IT?????

Adds our submitter: “I love the fact that on top of the note she makes sure the message reaches its target by calling the local newspaper for coverage.”

related: A day in the life of a crank

extra credit: The meme that wasn’t!

Tags: a matter of taste · newspaper · old folks · the po-po · U.K.

Sorry you cut off your hand

July 16th, 2013 · 37 Comments

Lorna in Adelaide, Australia found this classified ad in the city newspaper a while back. “It still makes absolutely no sense to me,” she says, “but I enjoy the passive-aggressive undertones. (‘You insulted me after I did you a favour!’)”

APOLOGY - Barbra - It is sixteen years since I last saw you. I was a volunteer and you insulted me after I had cleaned your basin, you were speaking of your mother and I thought how lucky you were but I did not intend for you to cut your hand off, why on earth did you? I can't give you a new hand, but I can say how sorry I am. I had stress too. Maura

related: What kind of MULE is it that goes to a Gypsy fortune teller?

Tags: Australia · most popular notes of 2013 · newspaper · WTF?

The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 Comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

Tags: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

Just to watch him die

May 1st, 2013 · 72 Comments

Nicole used to live in Reno, Nevada. Unless you’ve lived there, Nicole says, “then you can’t fully understand what a straaaange place it is, but this note might help.” She found it about four years ago in personals section of the Pennysaver. Four years later, Nicole says, “I still feel a joyous bewilderment upon reading it. I can’t wait to show it to my grandkids some day.”

ATTENTION: ALL CASINO WORKERS AND SHOW PEOPLE! Message from Teddy Williams. What kind of a

related: You’re toast, Melba.

Tags: crazypants · exclamation-point happy!!!! · most popular notes of 2013 · Nevada · newspaper · TL;DR · WTF?

Better late than never?

November 29th, 2012 · 51 Comments

At first glance, I thought this was one of those ads in the back of a high school yearbook, but no — Katie in Galveston, Texas actually spotted this in the  pages of the local newspaper.

Happy Birthday Krystal Gale. 35 years old today. My special daughter, makes me so glad to have you in my life. But I wish you would call or text more to me. Your Mom, So many thoughts about you and me together, My Shadow. Better Late than never.

related: My parents, the loan sharks

Happy Valentine’s Day to my son…and the harlot with whom he’s living in sin

extra credit: “Woman Has Bizarre Ability To Share Details About Personal Life With Parents” [theonion.com]

Tags: birthday · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · newspaper · public shaming

Black, white, and RED all over

November 27th, 2012 · 23 Comments

“You can’t tell from the photo,” our submitter says, “but the paper quality of this notice is above average. I guess there’s no cheap printer paper for angry Upper East Side residents!”

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY NEW YORK TIMES. I BELIEVE IN PRIVATE PROPERTY, IF YOU DON'T, WELL, THEN YOU ARE A COMMUNIST.

Although our submitter admits she was surprised this wasn’t posted by a Wall Street Journal subscriber, I’d say this more or less fits with the unique approach of the typical New York Times subscriber. WSJ-ers, on the other hand…

Hey!! I ordered the Wall Street Journal to be delivered here. Please stop taking it, or i'll break your fuckin' arms! Love, Harrison

related: Comrades, take notice! 

extra credit: The People’s Daily salutes Kim Jong Eun, 2012′s Sexiest Man Alive

extra extra credit: “Commie Mints”

Tags: New York · newspaper · stealing

Which response is classier?

August 27th, 2012 · 48 Comments

These two different approaches to the same problem were submitted within minutes of each other.

Exhibit a) From Hipsterville, Brooklyn, Like a Sir, as spotted by Kaitlin:

To whomever is stealing our NY Times each morning, this is your first, last and only warning: stop it! We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us.

Exhibit b) From Niceville, Minnesota, Killing you with Kindness, as spotted by Bitsy:

Good Morning! I don't mind if you take my newspaper to read — I know you are trying to stay current with the local news — 

related: All the news that’s fit to steal

Tags: Brooklyn · Minnesota · neighbors · newspaper · stealing

Well, someone’s feeling a little Shortz-tempered.

July 5th, 2012 · 48 Comments

What’s an 11-letter word for “passive-aggressive tactic?” Well, it happens to be the weapon of choice at the Portsmouth Public Library in New Hampshire, where Persephone says there is some serious crossword-puzzle drama going on.

(Personally, I would have liked to see someone add: “Even if it’s only the Monday puzzle.”)

If you are smart enough to solve The New York Times crossword puzzle, you are smart enough to make a photocopy first. Just 10 cents.

related: Shushing the shusher

Tags: library · New Hampshire · newspaper

Busted by Sir Richard Carlisle

May 1st, 2012 · 51 Comments

Matt and his girlfriend were taking a stroll through her parents’ neighborhood (of mostly-legal manor homes?) when they came across this pile of aging newspapers.

“We thought it was good of the employer to be willing to give the delivery boy a chance to explain himself,” Matt says. “However, the sign remains.”

I AM PAYING YOU TO DELIVER MY PAPERS NOT DUMP THEM IN AN ILLEGAL MANOR. GET IT RIGHT, DO YOUR JOB, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE. PLEASE PICK UP THESE PAPER AND BRING THEM WITH THE SIGN TO MY OFFICE AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT. YES I DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAW YOU. YOUR BOSS, RICHARD

I AM PAYING YOU TO DELIVER MY PAPERS NOT DUMP THEM IN AN ILLEGAL MANOR. GET IT RIGHT, DO YOUR JOB, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE. PLEASE PICK UP THESE PAPER AND BRING THEM WITH THE SIGN TO MY OFFICE AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT. YES I DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE SOMEONE SAW YOU. YOUR BOSS, RICHARD

related: What’s black, white, and totally over?

extra credit: Arrested Downton

Tags: I know who you are · newspaper · now that's management · Oregon

Where’s God when you need a good copy editor?

April 16th, 2012 · 36 Comments

Nick spotted this advertisement in his hometown newspaper, The County Journal, adding, “I have no idea what the residents of Cutler did to the Henson family.”

My Mom helped all Cutler families when they needed help but when we needed help Cutler families were no there, but God will take care of it. Nina Henson

related: My parents, the loan sharks

Tags: God · Illinois · newspaper · runaway run-on sentences · small town living