PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » newspaper http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people Wed, 08 Feb 2012 19:51:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Local paper doing its part to keep uppity women in their place…on the society page http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/13/non-wedding-announcement/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/13/non-wedding-announcement/#comments Fri, 14 Jan 2011 03:11:14 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17456 While scanning the Celebrations section of the local newspaper, Caroline in Raleigh, North Carolina was amused to see this unusual little “non-wedding announcement.”

And while I’m sure the editors (bless their hearts) were just pleased by this cheeky bit of “outside the box” feature-writing — with no implied judgement regarding a young woman’s lack of an MRS. degree — the “tsk-tsking” feel of the last line (unintentional or not) still made me feel like I was reading a Junior League newsletter from 1962.

While her three siblings were hard at work planning their respective weddings, Nikelle Orellana was busy honing her creative skills. On June 24, 2010 she received a daytime Emmy for Outstanding Achievement in Main Title and Graphic Design. The award was for her work on Avec Eric, a cooking show featured on PBS. Nikelle is the daughter of Dr. and Mrs. Juan Orellana of Wake Forest, NC. She holds degrees from NC State School of Design and California Institute of the Arts (Cal Arts). Ms. Orellana is currently living in NYC where she works as a senior graphic designer for Droga 5. At present she has no plans for a wedding.

related: The “Next to Marry” List

extra credit: Dad glad for three weddings [newsobserver.com]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/13/non-wedding-announcement/feed/ 64 May your New Year be very prosperous…so you can tip me better next time. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/03/may-your-new-year-be-very-prosperous/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/03/may-your-new-year-be-very-prosperous/#comments Mon, 03 Jan 2011 18:25:58 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17382 Shawn in Pennsylvania found this oh-so-subtly guilt-trippy thank you note tucked inside his Sunday paper. (“Apparently our paper delivery person is hoping for bigger and better tips in 2011,” he says.)

Happy New Year I would like to say to all that gave or didn't give a thoughtful gift. Thank You doing [sic] these economic times, believe me last year was a very tough year for me, you all made the end of my year lot better [sic]. Once again thank you all and may your New Year be very prosperous and blessed. Your carrier, [redacted]

related: If you don’t tip you’re racist

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2011/01/03/may-your-new-year-be-very-prosperous/feed/ 63 Won’t someone think of the children? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/12/16/wont-someone-think-of-the-children/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/12/16/wont-someone-think-of-the-children/#comments Fri, 17 Dec 2010 02:43:35 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=17280 Part 2 in our “How to be the worst neighbor ever” series comes to us courtesy of Chris in Fort Worth, Texas.

When he first saw the note go up in his apartment complex, says Chris, “I thought it was pretty funny, but it wasn’t until the thief wrote a response that I had to take a picture.”

[Typewritten:} Stop taking my newspapers, you goddamn jerk.

related: All the news that’s fit to steal

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/12/16/wont-someone-think-of-the-children/feed/ 57 All the news that’s fit to steal http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/12/all-the-news-thats-fit-to-steal/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/12/all-the-news-thats-fit-to-steal/#comments Sun, 12 Sep 2010 17:00:50 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=16481 “New York Times reader” didn’t become a right-wing synonym for “elitist” out of nowhere. As the newspaper itself proclaims, “Times readers are a well-educated group. They expect sophisticated coverage and literate prose.”

But how does that literate sophistication hold up when the Gray Lady goes a-missin’? Well, if “self-aggrandizing smugness” counts as sophistication and “almost free of basic spelling and grammar errors” counts as “literate”  — remarkably well, actually!  (That whole “i before e” thing is pretty tricky, after all.)

Exhibit a) From Alan in Washington, DC:

NOTICE TO WELL-READ 1809 THEIF [sic] I would be grateful if you cease snatching my copy of the New York Times. If not, I shall have to cancel my subscription, which will deny us both the application. -JSS

Exhibit b) From an anonymous submitter in Lawrence, Kansas:

To the scumbag who keeps taking my New York Times as their own, I'm not impressed. you obviously are somewhat intelligent if you are inclined to read such a quality publication, but guess what dumbass,stealing is still wrong. I've paid for it and I'd like to read it. Kindly leave it here next time.

Exhibit c) From Elizabeth in Queens:

will the person who keeps stealing my times, please stop...we're neighbors here and i shouldn't have to worry about a theif [sic] in my home. if money is that tight buy the post. -stew

Unimpressed? Well, for the sake of comparison, let’s take a look at some notes by readers of less “sophisticated” newspapers. Like, say, the Washington Post:

ATTENTION SECOND FLOOR: NEWSPAPER THIEF ON THE LOOSE!!! I am so sick of my goddamn newspaper getting stolen every FUCKING day. I'm hiring Angela Lansbury to find out who you are, and I swear to God, she'll go BATSHIT CRAZY on your ass. I've caught a newspaper thief once, and I'll do it again. EAT SHIT YOU STUPID BITCH!

Adds Robin in DC: “This person has also posted several other notes making various threats, including a promise to fill their paper with feces and glitter.”

As much as I appreciate that imagery, it’s actually New York’s other status-symbol-paper that inspires my favorite note of this genre — primarily because it so perfectly captures the essence of the Patrick Bateman/Gordon Gekko-worshipping tool I imagine the writer to be.

Hey!! I've ordered the Wall Street Journal to be delivered here. Please stop taking it, or I'll break your fuckin' arms! Love, Harrison

Our submitter, meanwhile, found the note more puzzling than anything else. Writes Danielle: “What kind of boring person steals the Wall Street Journal?”

And that, dear readers, is a question for another day.

related: Free markets, free people, free papers

extra credit: Dear Neighbors, Read This Note! [nytimes.com]

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/09/12/all-the-news-thats-fit-to-steal/feed/ 82 Are you ready for some football? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/27/are-you-ready-for-some-football/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/27/are-you-ready-for-some-football/#comments Sun, 27 Jun 2010 22:42:15 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=15212 No, not the World Cup — we’re talkin’ good ol’ American college football. After all, as the homepage of the The Huntsville (Alabama) Times will tell you, kickoff is only a short 68 days away!

If you live in a town like Huntsville, Alabama, it’s beyond the scope of most folks’ imaginations that one simply wouldn’t care about something as earth-shatteringly important as football. As our submitter, a reporter at The Huntsville Times, explains, “We’re one hell of a football nation here — you either root for the University of Alabama Crimson Tide or Auburn University.”

So, our submitter concludes, “I’m guessing this letter comes from an Auburn fan.”

OU READY FOR SOME MORE BAMA FOOTBALL? NO!!! Actually, we are sick of all your Bama football. That's all you print anymore — Bama headlines, Bama articles, Bama pictures — huge headlines, long articles, big pictures. You're supposed to be a newspaper, not a sportspaper. We want news -- not all the Bama crap. Stop pandering to the Alabama crowd and give us real news instead. There are a lot of us who don't believe the whole world revolves around the Crimson Tide.

UPDATE: Another postcard-to-the-editor from the Huntsville Times’ number #1 reader!

related: A day in the life of a crank

extra credit: “The Death of Print Journalism”

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/06/27/are-you-ready-for-some-football/feed/ 109 Mothers, lock up your lawn ornaments! http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/04/12/mothers-lock-up-your-lawn-ornaments/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/04/12/mothers-lock-up-your-lawn-ornaments/#comments Tue, 13 Apr 2010 00:45:39 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=14019 “My mother sent me this gem of a newspaper clipping from my hometown in Florida,” Kim says. “I didn’t know if she had any personal involvement in this tragedy, or if she just thought it was hilarious, like I did.”

(Perhaps it was intended as a cautionary tale. Or a warning to keep an eye out for one-legged flamingos?)

I live in Vero Lake Estates and some low-life, mother, daughter, husband son or neighbor came into my yard and took three ceramic mushrooms some time ago that I had for a few years. Now some low-life person came in my yard and took my three plastic flamingos that I have had in my yard for 20 years. They did leave one flamingo and tow of the legs from the others. I cannot understand this and please be sure when your wife, daughter, father or son comes home and says look what I bought at a yard sale, they are lying. If you have any feelings at all you, will return them with no questions asked. I will only beat you within an inch of your miserable life, thank you.

related: askin’ for it

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/04/12/mothers-lock-up-your-lawn-ornaments/feed/ 113 News bites http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/02/28/news-bites/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/02/28/news-bites/#comments Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:32:32 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=13538 Writes Jarrod in Australia: “This was published in the local newspaper where my sister is a reporter. On first observation, it doesn’t seem like much of a passive-aggressive note, but the backstory behind it is that the owner of the paper has been refusing to have the building sprayed for spiders, thinking it unnecessary.” The staff’s response?

ALONG CAME A SPIDER You could imagine the surprise one of out Pastoral Times workers received when they arrived at work to find a redback spider (pictured) had spun its web across their keyboard. The fiery female arachnid was suspended, upside down, by a floor-to-ceiling web. The journalist who made this discovery quickly snapped a photo of the brash redback before moving it outside.

“For the record,” Jarrod adds, “the redback spider is related to the black widow, but more toxic (has killed people, but not recently).”

related: What’s black, white, and totally over?

extra credit: The Death of Print Journalism

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/02/28/news-bites/feed/ 80 My parents, the loan sharks http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/12/15/my-parents-the-loan-sharks/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/12/15/my-parents-the-loan-sharks/#comments Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:21:57 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=12277 Writes Josh in St. Louis: “In our university’s paper, during the first semester, parents can send in notes for their kids away at college to read. Most parents put something sweet, happy, and uplifting — ‘We love you, good luck, hope you’re well,’ that kind of thing.”  Josh’s parents, meanwhile…

My parents, the loan sharks

related: no money, no trophy

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/12/15/my-parents-the-loan-sharks/feed/ 90 What’s black, white and totally over? http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/12/11/whats-black-white-and-totally-over/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/12/11/whats-black-white-and-totally-over/#comments Thu, 11 Dec 2008 06:41:28 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=10136 From Canberra…

The Chronicle is unsolicited litter. Its removal is the sole responsibility of the Canberra Times and its agents.

To London…

NO READING PLEASE

To Washington, D.C….

NO MORE DAMN PAPERS (PLEASE)

…it seems like one thing everyone can agree on is the total obsolescence of print media.

(sigh)

related: Love, apt. #3

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/12/11/whats-black-white-and-totally-over/feed/ 101 Or at least pass the sports section under the door http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/05/26/or-at-least-pass-the-sports-section-under-the-door/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/05/26/or-at-least-pass-the-sports-section-under-the-door/#comments Tue, 27 May 2008 03:28:54 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/?p=678 “I work for a pretty awesome non-profit, where people are amazingly laidback, accepting and non-OCD,” says our anonymous submitter in San Francisco — so this note came as something of a surprise.

This is not a reading room. Those who OFTEN wait somewhat patiently for the restroom to be free would appreciate it if everyone would keep that in mind. THANK YOU

Adds our submitter: “I have to admit, seeing the newspaper on top of the toilet tank the previous week had kinda gotten on my nerves too.”

related: oh dear

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/05/26/or-at-least-pass-the-sports-section-under-the-door/feed/ 66 Free markets, free people, free papers http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/19/free-markets-free-people-free-papers/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/19/free-markets-free-people-free-papers/#comments Fri, 19 Oct 2007 14:54:53 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/19/free-markets-free-people-free-papers/ Another doozy of an apartment manager note from Oakland, California! Our anonymous submitter wasn’t able to save any of those 14 notices, so it’s unclear if any of them were anything like this one.

if only they had consulted m-w.com

related: love, apt. 3

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/19/free-markets-free-people-free-papers/feed/ 217 Love, Apt #3 http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/12/love-apt-3/ http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/12/love-apt-3/#comments Wed, 13 Jun 2007 03:32:03 +0000 Kerry http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/12/love-apt-3/ Quit taking my fucking paper. If you want it, subscribe yourself and YOU can pay for it. Love, Apt #3

(Spotted by Kyla in Regina, Saskatchewan.)

]]> http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/12/love-apt-3/feed/ 26