Entries Tagged as 'newspaper'

Mothers, lock up your lawn ornaments!

April 12th, 2010 · 113 Comments

“My mother sent me this gem of a newspaper clipping from my hometown in Florida,” Kim says. “I didn’t know if she had any personal involvement in this tragedy, or if she just thought it was hilarious, like I did.”

(Perhaps it was intended as a cautionary tale. Or a warning to keep an eye out for one-legged flamingos?)

I live in Vero Lake Estates and some low-life, mother, daughter, husband son or neighbor came into my yard and took three ceramic mushrooms some time ago that I had for a few years. Now some low-life person came in my yard and took my three plastic flamingos that I have had in my yard for 20 years. They did leave one flamingo and tow of the legs from the others. I cannot understand this and please be sure when your wife, daughter, father or son comes home and says look what I bought at a yard sale, they are lying. If you have any feelings at all you, will return them with no questions asked. I will only beat you within an inch of your miserable life, thank you.

related: askin’ for it

Tags: Florida · newspaper · not-so-veiled threats · small town living · stealing

News bites

February 28th, 2010 · 80 Comments

Writes Jarrod in Australia: “This was published in the local newspaper where my sister is a reporter. On first observation, it doesn’t seem like much of a passive-aggressive note, but the backstory behind it is that the owner of the paper has been refusing to have the building sprayed for spiders, thinking it unnecessary.” The staff’s response?

ALONG CAME A SPIDER  You could imagine the surprise one of out Pastoral Times workers received when they arrived at work to find a redback spider (pictured) had spun its web across their keyboard.  The fiery female arachnid was suspended, upside down, by a floor-to-ceiling web.  The journalist who made this discovery quickly snapped a photo of the brash redback before moving it outside.

“For the record,” Jarrod adds, “the redback spider is related to the black widow, but more toxic (has killed people, but not recently).”

related: What’s black, white, and totally over?

extra credit: The Death of Print Journalism

Tags: kinda creepy · newspaper

My parents, the loan sharks

December 15th, 2009 · 90 Comments

Writes Josh in St. Louis: “In our university’s paper, during the first semester, parents can send in notes for their kids away at college to read. Most parents put something sweet, happy, and uplifting — ‘We love you, good luck, hope you’re well,’ that kind of thing.”  Josh’s parents, meanwhile…

No parents to bore you, or brothers to bug, it's just you, the iPod, computer and rug. All right!! However...you still owe us $185 for prom night.

related: No money, no trophy

Tags: college life · Moms & Dads · money · newspaper · public shaming · pure poetry · St. Louis

What’s black, white and totally over?

December 11th, 2008 · 101 Comments

From Canberra…

The Chronicle is unsolicited litter. Its removal is the sole responsibility of the Canberra Times and its agents.

To London…

NO READING PLEASE

To Washington, D.C….

NO MORE DAMN PAPERS (PLEASE)

…it seems like one thing everyone can agree on is the total obsolescence of print media.

(sigh)

related: Love, apt. #3

Tags: Australia · Canberra · D.C. · newspaper · pleasantries as afterthought

Or at least pass the sports section under the door

May 26th, 2008 · 66 Comments

“I work for a pretty awesome non-profit, where people are amazingly laidback, accepting and non-OCD,” says our anonymous submitter in San Francisco — so this note came as something of a surprise.

This is not a reading room. Those who OFTEN wait somewhat patiently for the restroom to be free would appreciate it if everyone would keep that in mind. THANK YOU

Adds our submitter: “I have to admit, seeing the newspaper on top of the toilet tank the previous week had kinda gotten on my nerves too.”

related: oh dear

Tags: CAPS LOCK · newspaper · office · San Francisco · toilet

Free markets, free people, free papers

October 19th, 2007 · 217 Comments

Another doozy of an apartment manager note from Oakland, California! Our anonymous submitter wasn’t able to save any of those 14 notices, so it’s unclear if any of them were anything like this one.

if only they had consulted m-w.com

related: love, apt. 3

Tags: California · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · guilt trip · landlords and property managers · neighbors · newspaper · Oakland · obnoxious definition · stealing

Love, Apt #3

June 12th, 2007 · 26 Comments

Quit taking my fucking paper. If you want it, subscribe yourself and YOU can pay for it. Love, Apt #3

(Spotted by Kyla in Regina, Saskatchewan.)

Tags: Canada · neighbors · newspaper · Saskatchewan · signed with love · stealing