Entries Tagged as 'noise'

(Cat) Lady of the Night

October 22nd, 2013 · 95 Comments

Dear late-night cat: plz discipline ur lady. kthxbai.

A MESSAGE TO THE LATE NIGHT CAT LADY  1. DO YOU REALLY THINK STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AT 1 AM AND CALLING IN A HIGH, LOUD VOICE IS THE BEST WAY TO BRING HOME YOUR CAT?  2. DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR CAT CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE AND NOT YOUR NEIGHBORS?  3. DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR NEIGHBORS ENJOY YOU WAKING THEM FROM SLEEP AT 12, 1, OR 2 AM ON A NEARLY DAILY BASIS?  SUGGESTIONS: 1. BRING YOUR CAT IN BEFORE 10 PM.  2. REALIZE THAT YOUR VOICE CARRIES AND THE HOUSES ON THIS STREET ARE CLOSE TOGETHER.  3. CONSIDER GETTING A DIFFERENT PET - MAYBE A GOLDFISH.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

Tags: "helpful" advice · cats · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · noise · Oakland

The Piddler on the Roof

June 14th, 2013 · 30 Comments

Today’s special comes to us from New York City, at the entrance to the building’s roof deck. (Just in time for summer, when the entire city already smells like urine and garbage!)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Do not pee on the roof. And please do not stay up here at night. Can we agree that 11 pm is late at night? I try to sleep under your feet... It is like you are walking on my ceiling... And you tend to scream when you're up on the roof. People live under here... I've lived here for 12 years and we've never had these issues. This is not a party apartment... this is a home. If you're going up here... Try and stay around the stairwell and near the roof door... and off our sixth floor walkup ceilings. This roof leaks. This building is made of paper-mache is is really old. And I can't believe I have to say this (again)...But really — please do not piss on the roof.

Meanwhile, Jenny spotted this outside a three-story office building in Vancouver, B.C.

THANK YOU For picking up after your DOG. HOWEVER, PLEASE DO NOT THROW THE BAGS OF FECES ON THE ROOF OF THE BUILDING. Thank you for your cooperation. Building Manager

related: Dear Bob, please do not pee out your bedroom window

Tags: dogs · ellipses-crazed · New York · newspaper · noise · piss · shit

Hey, Dumbo

May 21st, 2013 · 53 Comments

As it turns out, a surprisingly large number of American apartment buildings are pachyderm-friendly. (It’s the owners that are the problem, of course.)

Shh! Please walk your elephant quietly!

Dear neighbor, Do you look like this? If not then please stop jumping around. Sincerely, Person Below You

Please clean up after your elephant!

Dear Beach Girl, The elephant you're training keeps sitting on my Jetta. Also, your nunchuck stance is distracting passing motorists. Regards, Wilson

related: How now, Mad Cow?

Tags: neighbors · noise · shit

Your cleanliness offends me!

March 12th, 2013 · 84 Comments

“When my downstairs neighbour first moved in, I thought we would be friends,” says our submitter in Montreal. “We go to the same school, we’re around the same age, and we both love pets. (I have a cat and a dog, she has four cats.)” And yes, she says, “Every day — after 10 a.m., before 8 p.m. — I vacuum my house. She can have fun with all her cat-hair dust bunnies — I’ll stick to my cleaning schedule, thanks!”

It is absolutely necessary for you to vacuum every fucking day!!!! Seriously are you such a filthy dirtbag that you make such a mess every day??? I've been listening to you vacuum for months. GIVE IT A REST! HAVE SOME COMMON DECENCY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOURS!!!

Like our submitter in Montreal, I’ll admit that, as the owner of a dog who sheds quite a bit, I also vacuum pretty much every day. So if that makes me a “FILTHY DIRTBAG,” I guess I prefer that to becoming like “Dirty Lady #2.

related: I’m dirty and I love it

Tags: bold-underlined-caps · cleaning · Montreal · noise

Happy Moving!

March 4th, 2013 · 167 Comments

Writes Chelsa in Canada: “My first night moving in, I couldn’t find the bolts to put my bed frame back together, so I had to unpack some boxes and it was about 10 p.m. before I found them and could set up my bed. Moving sucks, right? Apparently at 10 p.m. on Saturday night, screwing in 8 bolts is THE WORST thing a person can do. This note was on my door in the morning.”

Good Morning! We noticed that you moved in last night. Welcome to the building! We also noticed that you are very handy with power tools; you like to build furniture and drag it and other things across hardwood floors. All we ask is that you could please refrain from doing these things after dark. Unfortunately for everyone this building is not in the least soundproof. We are also hoping that it's not too much to ask for you to not wear shoes across the hardwood floors; it's much louder for us than it is for you. We know we may be loud from time to time, but we will always try to be respectful of our neighbours. All we ask if for the same in return. Happy Moving :)

 

related: The Neighborhood Warning Wagon

Tags: Canada · neighbors · noise · smiley

Gee, thanks for the advice.

February 20th, 2013 · 66 Comments

Steve in Los Angeles says his dog has been having some separation anxiety, typically crying for about 30 minutes to an hour after Steve leaves for work. He recently found this oh-so-helpful advice taped to his front door. (His response: “WTF?!”)

Hello, I'm not sure if you're aware but your dog barks almost non stop when you're gone. He seems very unhappy. I had a similar problem but finally worked it out. Good luck.

Steve, just to put things in perspective, you might want to take a look at the Chicago approach:

To the inconsiderate asshole on the third floor who's dog won't shut the fuck up. If you don't start closing your window, the dog is gonna take a bullet. You've been warned.

related: My bite is work than your bark

Tags: "helpful" advice · Chicago · dogs · Los Angeles · neighbors · noise · warning

There comes a time when enough is enough

February 15th, 2013 · 127 Comments

For a while now, our submitter in Australia says his neighbors — a couple in their mid-40s — have been complaining about his family’s “excessive noise.” It started, he says, with complaints about the sounds generated by their pool filter and their dryer.

“We accommodated by turning the filter off at night and reducing usage of the dryer,” he says, “but it escalated to them complaining about us talking inside our house with all the windows closed and the air conditioner running (during the day, mind you). Then they began coming over, literally banging on our door, complaining that the kids were being too loud while playing outside.”

David says the neighbors also started calling to complain to the real estate company from whom his family rents the house. The company’s response, below, made for a satisfying conclusion to the whole affair.

Dear Madam, RE: HARRASSMENT [sic] OF TENANTS IN [redacted]: Further to your calls to our office to complain that the tenants of the property next door to you have been making noise, please not the following: 1) Children are allowed to play, laugh, scream, etc. during the day in their own backyard. 2) Occupants of any house are allowed to run their air conditioner whenever they see fit. 3) Noise is allowed on any property between the hours of 7am and 7pm. Should you feel the noise from the air conditioner is excessive you have the right to lodge a written complaint with the Health Dept. at the local council office so that they can come out to check the decibel level. If you continue to approach the neighbours in an annoying manner they may be forced to seek legal advice regarding harassment issues. We all have to learn to get along together and the tenants next door have tried to accommodate you, within reason, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Please do not contact us again about this issue until you have had a Council officer attend to check the noise levels. Yours sincerely, [redacted]

related: Will you please turn down the sound of your frogs?

Tags: Australia · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · noise · oh snap

You’re a wiseass, Harry.

February 12th, 2013 · 69 Comments

It turns out Harry Potter had more than a little in common with his jerk of a father. (And yes, James Potter was a jerk — Yahoo! Answers says so!)

Dear Hagrid, I understand you're half giant, but could you try to be a little more light footed? P.S. If you're not Hagrid, stop fucking stomping around, it's pissing me off. Sincerely, Harry Potter, apartment under the stairs

Meanwhile, on Diagon Alley…

Notice from The Green Witch Re discount...Please do not embarrass my staff by asking for discount. If the prices could be lower, they would be. Therapists who shop regularly and consistently at the shop may receive a discount on their products that are relevant to their business but not on any other goods. Any discount given is purely at the discretion of myself and is a priveledge [sic], not a right. Demanding discount simply angers both me and Maggie — after all, do you ask Tesco for discount because you shop there every week...I think not. Thank you, The Green Witch

related: Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

extra credit: How P-A Harry Potter fans deal with junk mail

extra extra credit: We Are Wizards [hulu.com]

Tags: neighbors · noise · p.s.

A Warning Chime

February 6th, 2013 · 118 Comments

Adriana in Playa Del Rey, California said her husband found this note from a non-wind chime enthusiast taped to their outside of their condo building. “I personally love all the exclamation points,” Adriana says — “especially the cheery ‘thanks!’ at the bottom.”

CHIMES. Third Floor Front Over the Garage. People have lived here 10-20 years but now have to hear your chimes all day and night! Take them down or we will get a class action lawsuit against you and the Homeowners association! We can't stand it anymore! Have consideration or we will see you in court and get a court order! Thanks!

related: Hello, 911? My neighbors are loud walkers!

Tags: California · neighbors · noise · not-so-veiled threats

The Office LOL Police

January 18th, 2013 · 35 Comments

As it turns out, at least one study has shown that laughter in the workplace can actually improve productivity.

Of course, that didn’t help our submitter in St. Louis from totally freaking out when she found this anonymous note on her desk at her “conservative” office, where she says that although silence pretty much reigns, “I giggle and talk loudly all the time.”

I'm worried that you are laughing too much and not getting enough work completed. Sincerely, A Concerned Neighbor

Our submitter later found out that the note was a “prank” from a friendly coworker. (But — paranoia alert — was it completely in jest, or a p-a power play?)

related: To my coworker, the thundering cow

Tags: most popular notes of 2013 · noise · office · St. Louis