PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » North Carolina

Sorry I hit your car, but whatever, it’s a tacky piece of crap anyway

Kerry — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 02:00:15 +0000

Explains our submitter in North Carolina: ”My friend walked out to the parking lot to find a big dent and a sticky note on her car, which still had some writing on it from her recent birthday.” And while the driver didn’t just dent-and-dash, the fact that he or she didn’t bother to leave a name/plate/policy number — just an entirely unnecessary postscript — made the whole situation a less-than-satisfying belated birthday surprise.

Are you ready for your Rapture party?

Kerry — Fri, 20 May 2011 17:47:51 +0000

Stephanie in Kansas City, Missouri found this warning posted on the fridge after lunch today:

Around the same time, this note showed up on an office coffee-maker in Washington, D.C.:

Meanwhile, Ashley in Greenville, North Carolina forwards this example of a veiled threat, atheist-style:

related: Remember, God is watching you!

Local paper doing its part to keep uppity women in their place…on the society page

Kerry — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 03:11:14 +0000

While scanning the Celebrations section of the local newspaper, Caroline in Raleigh, North Carolina was amused to see this unusual little “non-wedding announcement.”

And while I’m sure the editors (bless their hearts) were just pleased by this cheeky bit of “outside the box” feature-writing — with no implied judgement regarding a young woman’s lack of an MRS. degree — the “tsk-tsking” feel of the last line (unintentional or not) still made me feel like I was reading a Junior League newsletter from 1962.

related: The “Next to Marry” List

extra credit: Dad glad for three weddings [newsobserver.com]

A different sort of Dear John letter

Kerry — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 01:19:19 +0000

Leslie in Wilmington, North Carolina says her baby sister has “always been pretty intense.” To wit: while going through some old papers recently, she dug up this card, which her then-10-year-old sister sent to Leslie’s boyfriend at the time.

(I’d like to think that beneath that thin layer of Liquid Paper lies an even more specific accusation, but baby sis’ decided that a more veiled threat would be the best way to scare Jon straight.)

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

“Testosterone-fueled wackjobs make the darndest threats!”

Kerry — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 04:03:54 +0000

For the folks who found yesterday’s “do not come in” post a bit too “kids say the darndest things” precious, I figured I’d better even things out with a look at what happens when those neglected jealous siblings grow up…and get armed.

Exhibit A, spotted by Heather at a gas station in Gastonia, North Carolina

Exhibit B, which Steve found pinned to a tree in Athens, Ohio (where, while visiting friends, he stumbled upon the property of the local necrophiliac farmer)

And lastly, Exhibit C, spotted by Dex outside a “fairly dilapidated” house in Raleigh, North Carolina

related: The right to bear fruit

Passive-Aggressive Kitchen-Sink Poetry

Kerry — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 05:01:35 +0000

So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

I think this is the best costume for today.

Kerry — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 01:58:43 +0000

Noah in Richmond, Virginia spotted this earnest plea in the bathroom of “a funky little coffee shop” on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. “The sign was also on a bulletin board in the middle of the shop as well,” he says — “just in case the thief was avoiding the scene of the crime.”

And if you doubt Edie’s ability to get aggressive on your personal-art-piece-thievin’ ass, just wait ’til she catches you in the act. We’ll see how your bathroom art collection looks when she’s through with you!

(I’d like to imagine the follow-up note going something like: “Damn it, Edie, no one wants to see your ‘personal art pieces.’ For the millionth time…FLUSH!“)

A bitter pill to swallow

Kerry — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:00:42 +0000

“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.

Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.

related: your BBQ = 9/11

P.S. You’re not invited to my birthday party, either!

Kerry — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:12:39 +0000

Brett in Raleigh, North Carolina had to move out at the end of last semester after his lease ran out, and while he didn’t want to have to resort to a finding a random Craigslist roommate, that ended up being the case.

Brett’s mea culpa: “Being a grad student, I am not home much and have responsibilities to take care of on campus, but obviously some of my other responsibilities were being overlooked at home.” (Lucia, by the way, is the name of his cat.)

related: i can hear everything

extra credit: “i’m not here to make friends” reality show mashup [youtube]

One can only hope you won’t be giving the wedding toast

Kerry — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:11:25 +0000

At a recent wedding that Allison in Ealeigh, N.C. attended, the bride asked that, instead of signing a guestbook, wedding guests write their wishes for the couple on fabric squares that would later be made into a memory quilt. When allison saw this one sitting on top, she couldn’t resist snapping a photo.

And those Cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

Kerry — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:38:21 +0000

This (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

extra credit: stfu, parents

Is your babysitter trying to get in your kid’s pants?

Kerry — Fri, 15 May 2009 13:00:38 +0000

So, I pretty much have a policy of not posting notes submitted by the people who wrote them. I made an exception for this one because I think the really passive-aggressive part of the story is the behavior that inspired it. You might disagree. Nonetheless — on to the backstory, from an anonymous dad in Cary, North Carolina:

My daughter attends a friend’s house for child care two days a week. For the past few days, the lady watching her has been checking my daughter’s clothing tags and telling her she needs to wear “the size of her age.” (“Since you’re 4 years old, you need to wear size 4,” etc.) This person has never said anything to me or her mother — just the child.

This was making my daughter worry unnecessarily about her clothes, so I decided to step in. When I asked my daughter if she had her tags checked that day, she said yes — but we’ve never had another incident of tag-checking since.

related: you’re toast

I’m calling your bluff on this one, Mom

Kerry — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 01:19:25 +0000

Amy spotted this attached to a mailbox in Monroe, North Carolina. Writes amy: “I have no idea which flower it was (there were many that were still left on the porch), but I was impressed by the effort the victim took with this note — it was written on poster board and left up for quite a few days.”

(And the posterboard…was a birthday gift…purchased with her own money!!!)

related: “no” questions asked

To have and to hold

Kerry — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 23:09:39 +0000

To be honest, I find this note — from an anonymous submitter in Raleigh, N.C.. — to be kind of depressing. So let me just say this: if you’ve recently broken up with a significant other and have been thinking, “Hmm, maybe a heartfelt note is the way to win him/her back!” — JUST. SAY. NO.

Anyway, our submitter writes: “When my husband unpacked his belongings from his ex-wife’s house, he kept finding little ‘surprises.’ For example, although they did not go to high school together, she had signed his senior yearbook, and little notes and reproductions of wedding pictures were stuck in books and in pockets of his clothes. Our favorite was this note we found in his camera case.”

(Yes, yes, it looks like “to have anal to hold.”)

related: some dating advice