Okay, dude, I really don’t want to kick you while you’re down — getting your scooter stolen definitely sucks. (Also, based on the rage level in your note, I think you’d probably kick back pretty hard.) And yet…I’m not really buying your framing of this as some kind of public service announcement.

For one thing, I’m guessing that if you took a poll of your neighbors (including Alex, our submitter) and asked, “Hey, did you know that if you leave your personal property in this alley, it could get stolen?!” I’m pretty sure most would respond with someone along the lines of, “Uh, no shit.” Just sayin’.

related: Paintball punk is playing at my house (my house)

Larissa in Tacoma, Washington recently sent her 7-year-old son, Silas, to a week of Bible camp. When he came home, Larissa says, she wondered if the experience hadn’t left him a bit…conflicted…especially after seeing the pillow he made during craft time.

(“Rouls,” by the way, is not Silas’s last name. That’s the 7-year-old spelling of “RULES.”)

Meanwhile, I can see how the sign below, from a candy store in Rayne, Louisiana — which I assume was intended to deter this theft — could easily send a particular type of child into a tailspin of religious guilt.

Is God smiling? How do I know if God’s smiling? Does God like chocolate? I don’t think chocolate’s in the Bible. But Proverbs says: ‘My child, eat honey, for it is good.’ So maybe I should get a Bit o’ Honey instead. But a Bit o’ Honey costs more than 50 cents, and Mom said I could only spend 50 cents. So then I’d be dishonoring my parents, and that wouldn’t make God happy. So maybe I should…maybe I should….[bursts into tears]

related: What Would Jesus Do for a Klondike Bar?

Luckily, Liz in Houston convinced her work buddy not to forward this not-at-all-passive Jerry Springer-esque rant to the entire company e-mail list, as originally intended. (Otherwise, work buddy’s much-needed vacation might have turned out to be a permanent one.)

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?

extra credit: How not to land an internship [gawker.com]

Writes our submitter in Lexington, Kentucky: “One day, I updated my Facebook status to something about how no one in my city knows how to properly use a turning lane. The next day, I got this e-mail from my mom. She often makes similar judgments about what personality traits I should have because I’m ‘such a pretty girl.’”

Annoying? Sure. But aside from the irritating Momsian/Victorian conflation of physical/moral beauty, I think I’m actually on Team Mom for this one. (Of course, had I received a similar e-mail from my own mom, I’d hardly be so clear-eyed. Such is the nature of the mother/daughter dynamic!)

related: Living with an adolescent, abridged

“In college,” Sandy writes, “I shared a house with a motley group of roomies. When it was time for me to graduate, my super-kooky roommate suggested I send her parents a graduation announcement because they had liked me a lot (having met me once, for a few hours) and would feel insulted if I didn’t send them an announcement. I had a few left over, so I did.”  A while later came this response – not passive-aggressive per se, but a little, well…

Adds Sandy: “The assumption of my attempt to grub money coupled with the cheerfully airy tone really speaks volumes about the environment in which my old roomie grew up. (Incidentally, she DID spell my name right.)”

P.S. Yes, that’s $25, not $125.

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have

The fact that nightclubs have to post notes like this one:

(Thanks to Jeff in New York for passing along!)

related: going up?