Entries Tagged as 'not-so-veiled threats'

I know who’s not getting a merit badge for sharing…

February 27th, 2013 · 84 Comments

Now that Girl Scout cookie season has ended — here in Texas, anyway — shit’s starting to get real.

i know how many are in each box exactly...you eat. you die. ;) have a great day! ? cc

related: Killer cookie dough

Tags: die bitch die · food · heart · sharing is caring

The female of the species

February 13th, 2013 · 31 Comments

All alone this Valentine’s Day? Well…more Cheetos for you!

Dear Brodie, If you forget to put an elastic band or bag clip on the crackers again, I will strangle you in your sleep. Love, Kelsey xoxo

 

Dear sweet sweet AJ, Drink all of my Sprite again and I'll rip your f*cking head off. xoxo, E

(Thanks to Brodie in Nova Scotia and redditor ajbollom. May they rest in peace.)

related: That’s just [sic]

Tags: heart · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · xoxo

A Warning Chime

February 6th, 2013 · 118 Comments

Adriana in Playa Del Rey, California said her husband found this note from a non-wind chime enthusiast taped to their outside of their condo building. “I personally love all the exclamation points,” Adriana says — “especially the cheery ‘thanks!’ at the bottom.”

CHIMES. Third Floor Front Over the Garage. People have lived here 10-20 years but now have to hear your chimes all day and night! Take them down or we will get a class action lawsuit against you and the Homeowners association! We can't stand it anymore! Have consideration or we will see you in court and get a court order! Thanks!

related: Hello, 911? My neighbors are loud walkers!

Tags: California · neighbors · noise · not-so-veiled threats

Please, no, anything but emo!

January 31st, 2013 · 21 Comments

Emmet in Phoenix says that at his office, “people donate magazines for others to peruse, but sometimes they grow legs and disappear.” Emmet recently found this (totally metal) back-and-forth about the issue…on the issues themselves.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

This is a gift to the wellness retreat room. If you steal this magazine ~ like you did last time - may your gear get stolen or destroyed by a fire or worse yet: used on an emo record.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

I only borrowed it to finish the Metallica interview. Please don't steal my gear and sell it to an emo band.

related: The Hot Topic at this Year’s Warped Tour

extra credit: These Babies Are Totally Metal [youtube]

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · band · music · not-so-veiled threats · office · Phoenix

Remember, a smile is part of your uniform!!!

January 28th, 2013 · 89 Comments

“On its face, this note details a bunch of common-sense rhetoric about being a good employee,” our submitter says. “What’s hilarious and sad is how our ‘Service Ambassador’ thinks that a thinly-veiled threat like this is supposed to inspire fervent company loyalty and ‘outstanding service.’ Come prepared to kiss ass or we’ll kick yours?”

Food For Thought: What if last night you got a call from corporate saying you were no longer needed to come to work? Your employment with the company has ended. HOW WOULD THAT IMPACT YOUR LIFE????? So, how about having respect for your job by: 1. Coming to work on time 2. Being in the company provided (clean) uniform 3. Wearing your smile 4. Valuing each and every customer you encounter & giving them outstanding service IT'S A NEW YEAR...... HOW ABOUT SOME NEW ATTITUDES???????? YOU ARE FORTUNATE TO WORK FOR AN OUTSTANDING COMPANY - (redacted) (redacted) - Service Ambassador

related: Motivational posters for a down economy

Tags: confusion??? · not-so-veiled threats · now that's management · office cop

When Canadians snap

January 3rd, 2013 · 56 Comments

This one was spotted by Liz from British Columbia in what she describes as “a popular drinkin’ park often featuring empty Colt .45 cans.”

Merry Christmas!!! To the individual that ended the life of this 13 year-old old growth sitka spruce. It was nurturesd with love & care from a sapling planted here to honour the birth of my daughter. I can only assume it now stands in your living room to live out its last hours so that you and yours can mark Christmas. YOU are what is wrong with this world. You are more disgusting than the dog shit you left behind. YOU take this on your conscience. YOU deserve nothing. YOU are now CURSED. Do us all a favour & DIE.

related: What kind of person steals flowers from a grave?

Tags: British Columbia · Canada · die bitch die · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens

If you get Vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU!

November 12th, 2012 · 55 Comments

Writes Catherine in Melbourne: “I was preparing breakfast in the office kitchen when I opened the fridge and reached for the margarine tub to butter my toast. Ten seconds later, I was fearing for my life.”

Hi, a warning!! If you get vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU! If you scrape old margarine back into the tub, I KILL YOU! In fact, if you touch this margarine you'll have to work very hard just to stay alive. :)

related: I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter

extra credit: Australians Losing Their Taste for Vegemite [time.com]

Tags: Australia · butter · die bitch die · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · smiley · warning

Have your people call my people.

November 6th, 2012 · 34 Comments

Writes our submitter in Canada: “Of the 12 people living the house, only three do any sort of cleaning or washing up. This was the result of several months of accumulated angst.”

Dear household, I am suck of you discusting [sic] c*nts not washing up after your selfs [sic] you have one day to learn before you find your dirty dishes in bed with you. This includes pots, pans, cups, and tea pots. If you have a problem with that I am happy to discuss. Sincerely, Haarlem Haarlem, I like the way you think, let's discuss this further. Get your people to call my people and we'll do lunch. Love, Ben

related: I did the dishes. Where’s my cookie?

Tags: Canada · cleaning · dishes · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · roommates · runaway run-on sentences · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Talkin’ trash

October 15th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Our submitter, a college student in Texas, says this note appeared just two weeks into the fall semester. “I’m excited to see what gets posted a few weeks from now when nothing changes,” she adds.

In the meantime, can somebody get this kid a thesaurus?

Dear Residents of Level 4, Pick up your motherfucking trash and take it down to the motherfucking dumpster. Quit being such disrespectful assholes, and lazy Fat fucks and just drive your fucking trash down to the TRASH CAN. I swear to god I will shove a broom up your ass if you don't start keeping up after yourselves. You are a motherfucking slob. Sincerely, I fucking hate you

related: Kiss your mother with that mouth?

 

Tags: college life · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · garbage · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · Texas · that's disrespectful

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