Entries Tagged as 'not-so-veiled threats'

They take their white carpet very seriously.

September 29th, 2014 · 4 Comments

Alice in Columbus, Ohio noticed this note taped to the door of a neighboring apartment. “I guess the tenants must have taken over a place that had formerly housed drug dealers and they were fed up with people coming by looking for drugs,” she says. “The note begins amiably enough — ‘Take shoes off at door’ — then takes quite a turn with its devastating conclusion.

Take shoes off at door. We don't sell drugs. Don't look in the window. ***You will be shot.***
related: This not a brothel!

Tags: Columbus · drugs · not-so-veiled threats · Oops?

Kiss my carbon footprint!

May 25th, 2014 · 47 Comments

Writes our submitter in Cambridge, UK: “There’s a master’s student living in our shared student house — the kind who lives off hemp protein and lentils. Anyway, the house has an hallway running through the middle, with his room on one side and a landing on the other. This note appeared on the landing the other day. I think it has the perfect combination of smiley faces, violent threats, love and climate change.”

YO DIPSHITS! Turn the light off!!!* 1) It shines straight into my room, and wakes me up. 2) It releases CO2. You're killing us all with climate change for no fucking reason!!! Love and Big kisses! xxx ––– :)  *Notes are normally passive aggressive. This one is aggressive-aggressive. Do this again, and I shall cut you :)

related: Pure, unadulterated corporate greed! 

Tags: Cambridge · energy usage · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · smiley · The Earth · U.K.

A bit of a spat over the pitter-patter of little feet

May 21st, 2014 · 159 Comments

Holly in Glendale, Arizona says her one-year-old daughter just learned how to walk, and (as toddlers do)  enjoys toddling around the apartment. Holly and her husband have tried explaining this to the downstairs neighbors, to no avail. “They bang on the ceiling, which scares the living sh*t out of my little girl,” Holly says, and have called the cops  — “whose response was to apologize for disturbing us.”

Now, Holly says, “As soon as my one-year-old walks into the kitchen, the woman who lives below us will immediately run up our stairs and throw herself against our door, screaming and threatening us.”

I feel you, Holly, but maybe those “my first stilettos” are a bit much?

Don't know what the hell you are doing up there all night but you do have neighbors whom live below you. The noise, stomping, and banging has got to stop. If it doesn't a complaint will be made and if it still continues the police. Please be courteous.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

extra credit: A baby elephant takes its first steps [youtube]

Tags: Arizona · kids · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats

Greetings from the Polar Vortex

January 8th, 2014 · 126 Comments

Writes Steve in Boston: “This note cracks me up because it is, on the one hand, a request for more civility and, on the other hand, a not so thinly veiled threat.” (How so very Boston!)

By City of Boston law, I am entitled to save this spent after having spent an hour of backbreaking work shoveling. I hope you with respect your neighbors next time, you piece of shit. Love, Vigilante Justice P.S. Happy Holidays!

related: Can you dig it?

extra credit: Boston’s “parking chair” law [washingtonpost.com]

Tags: Boston · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · parking

The mystery of the mischievous, murderous cat

October 16th, 2013 · 77 Comments

Toby in the U.K. found this note taped to his front door, and found it a bit baffling — not to mention disturbing — given that he doesn’t own a cat. “I can only imagine what these ‘defensive measures’ might be,” Toby says. “I hope the cat in question can avoid them.”

And when it comes to the idea of “disciplining” your cat, I can’t even imagine what that might mean.

(just click the image below to enlarge)

Dear Neighbour,  Please can you stop your cat coming into my house. I have to leave my cat flap open for my cat but your cat is causing lots of mischeif. It is a black long haired cat I have seen you feeding him so I know he is your cat. She has already pooped on my rug which cost £50 (and another £30 to clean) and last week he was trying to murder the goldfish in my pond. Please discipline your cat or I will be forced to take defensive measures, and it would be better for all concerned if it does not come to that.  With Kind Regards, Howard  (From No. 32, the house with the blue door)

related: Your cat. Your choice.

Tags: cats · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · questionable logic · U.K.

My bowels are irritable, and so am I!

October 3rd, 2013 · 31 Comments

Writes our submitter in Alabama: “After the both men’s rooms in our office suffered from some serious anal explosions, our boss sent around an accusatory email,” which everyone in the office assumed was directed toward a particular coworker, Dan. “Dan vehemently maintains his innocence,” our submitter says, “and in an effort to ‘prove’ it, he posted this note above one of the desecrated toilets.”

IF YOU CLOG UP THIS TOILET AND DO NOT UNCLOG IT, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, AND PUT THE  DIRTY PLUNGER ON YOUR DESK.  I'M TIRED OF TAKING SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT. -DAN

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

Tags: all clogged up · not-so-veiled threats · office · shit · toilet

Grandma, this is not your house!

October 2nd, 2013 · 78 Comments

Precious in Texas says that whenever her mother comes over to visit, “all she wants to do is clean my messy house.” One day, Precious says, her daughter, Allison — along with Allison’s 5-year-old cousin — decided to take matters into their own hands, writing this warning and handing it to their grandma “fast mail.” As for Grandma’s response, says Precious, “I had to read it to her because she was laughing so hard.”

Dear grandma this is not your house so stop cleaning it or else we will lock you in a safe and open it the day after. Did you like my [choice] of fast mail? P.S. Send the envelope back I don't have many

related: Never put nature aside for television

Tags: cleaning · family · Grandma · kids · not-so-veiled threats · p.s.

Your cat. Your choice.

July 25th, 2013 · 240 Comments

Submission-wise, it’s been a slow week. So, hey, why not open the can of worms that is The Great Outdoor Cat Debate? (Eeek.)

Amy says her Atlanta neighborhood is constantly plastered with “missing cat” signs. This one, though, was a little different.

If you own a gray tabby cat with a collar, read this. Your cat is spending its days in my backyard. I have bird feeders and there are chipmunks around. When I try to be nice to the cat to be able to read its collar and find out where its home is, it hisses and growls. This is fair warning. The next time I see your cat in my backyard, I will throw something heavy at it. I have pretty good aim. So if you don't want a vet bill, keep your cat indoors. If it kills a bird at one of my feeders, I will hire someone to catch it and take it to animal control. Your cat. Your choice.

related: Barking Mad

Tags: Atlanta · cats · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · warning

Not cool, man. Not cool.

July 15th, 2013 · 76 Comments

Explains our submitter in Maryland: “Housemate is pregnant. She doesn’t like it when we leave the AC on.” (Ya think?)

I will straight up MURDER the next person who uses "Cool" and "Fan" together. STOP IT!

related: The womb that would birth a thousand excuses

Tags: die bitch die · Maryland · preggers · roommates · temperature

With some fava beans and a nice Chianti

June 9th, 2013 · 24 Comments

“It would appear my co-worker is sensitive to her plant being moved,” writes Claire in the U.K.

Move this plant and i will eat your liver. Love Jess xx

Meanwhile, in New York…

To the person that leaves a disgusting mess on the seat. If you don't stop, this person will find you and eat your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. So cut it out!

And in Baltimore…

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH This is BBQ HUMAN meat and by eating this you are admitting to the office that you are a cannibal

related: Pigs do not eat bacon

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · moving/not moving · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · toilet