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Entries Tagged as 'not-so-veiled threats'

Straight Outta Crestwood (Kentucky)

September 9th, 2015 · No Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “Pity the fools of the Crestwood, Kentucky ‘Crips.’ They can’t even scare old ladies.”

Dear Crips:  I am a nervous old lady with a .38 revolver.  Please do not write on my home. T Y :)

Dear Crips:  I am a nervous old lady with a .38 revolver.  Please do not write on my home. T Y :)

related: Oh, sure, blame it on the crackhead.

Tags: not-so-veiled threats · old folks

Is one of the Ashley Madison hackers living under your own roof?

August 27th, 2015 · 46 Comments

A mother in Bellevue, Nebraska found these notes in her “drawer of fun.” (Looks like somebody wants a new little brother or sister!)

Don't you dare use these otherwise I will go public on you. My siblings know already

related: You should probably delete your search history…

Tags: kids · Nebraska · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex


March 27th, 2015 · 51 Comments

Says our submitter in Melbourne: “This one is just classic — even the mistakes are soooo typical!”

Dear Plant Theif, [sic] you may like to know that the plants in this garden are protected by a special flock of bees who will hunt down the nector [sic] of their stolen flowers, who will feed on your bits until they are returned to the garden.

related: The Orchid Thief

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · i before e · Melbourne · not-so-veiled threats

Well, that’s legitimately creepy.

March 3rd, 2015 · 48 Comments

I don’t typically like to post notes submitted by the person who left them, but I made an exception for this note by Geoff in New Zealand.

Writes Geoff:  ”Someone actually threw out my lunch (still in its container) within an hour of putting it in the fridge at work. It was a really nice lunch., too. I thought someone had stolen it, then, for some reason I looked in the garbage can…it was covered in coffee grounds and snotty looking tissues. I was mad. Next day I brought lunch again. I wanted to be sure no one would even think of doing it again so I wrote the note, photographed it so my picture would accompany the note, and wrapped it around my lunch with elastic bands. No one has ever thrown my lunch out again.”

This is my lunch for thursday December 17. If you throw it out, I will destroy you. That is all.

related: With some fava beans and a nice Chianti

Tags: kinda creepy · New Zealand · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · stealing

Sinners in the hands of an angry American

January 29th, 2015 · 76 Comments

Amanda in Florida works near a lovely bridge where, she says, “you are almost assured to see manatees at every visit.” On one side of this bridge is “a very beautiful home”…and now this very disturbing sign.

I hope God takes pity on your soul because my nostrils are eager to be filled with he stench of your burning flesh as you descend into the depths of hell

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: die bitch die · Florida · not-so-veiled threats · public shaming · you're like so going to hell

They take their white carpet very seriously.

September 29th, 2014 · 35 Comments

Alice in Columbus, Ohio noticed this note taped to the door of a neighboring apartment. “I guess the tenants must have taken over a place that had formerly housed drug dealers and they were fed up with people coming by looking for drugs,” she says. “The note begins amiably enough — ‘Take shoes off at door’ — then takes quite a turn with its devastating conclusion.

Take shoes off at door. We don't sell drugs. Don't look in the window. ***You will be shot.***
related: This not a brothel!

Tags: Columbus · drugs · not-so-veiled threats · Oops?

Kiss my carbon footprint!

May 25th, 2014 · 48 Comments

Writes our submitter in Cambridge, UK: “There’s a master’s student living in our shared student house — the kind who lives off hemp protein and lentils. Anyway, the house has an hallway running through the middle, with his room on one side and a landing on the other. This note appeared on the landing the other day. I think it has the perfect combination of smiley faces, violent threats, love and climate change.”

YO DIPSHITS! Turn the light off!!!* 1) It shines straight into my room, and wakes me up. 2) It releases CO2. You're killing us all with climate change for no fucking reason!!! Love and Big kisses! xxx ––– :)  *Notes are normally passive aggressive. This one is aggressive-aggressive. Do this again, and I shall cut you :)

related: Pure, unadulterated corporate greed! 

Tags: Cambridge · energy usage · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · smiley · The Earth · U.K.

A bit of a spat over the pitter-patter of little feet

May 21st, 2014 · 165 Comments

Holly in Glendale, Arizona says her one-year-old daughter just learned how to walk, and (as toddlers do)  enjoys toddling around the apartment. Holly and her husband have tried explaining this to the downstairs neighbors, to no avail. “They bang on the ceiling, which scares the living sh*t out of my little girl,” Holly says, and have called the cops  — “whose response was to apologize for disturbing us.”

Now, Holly says, “As soon as my one-year-old walks into the kitchen, the woman who lives below us will immediately run up our stairs and throw herself against our door, screaming and threatening us.”

I feel you, Holly, but maybe those “my first stilettos” are a bit much?

Don't know what the hell you are doing up there all night but you do have neighbors whom live below you. The noise, stomping, and banging has got to stop. If it doesn't a complaint will be made and if it still continues the police. Please be courteous.

related: Please walk your elephant quietly!

extra credit: A baby elephant takes its first steps [youtube]

Tags: Arizona · kids · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats

Greetings from the Polar Vortex

January 8th, 2014 · 126 Comments

Writes Steve in Boston: “This note cracks me up because it is, on the one hand, a request for more civility and, on the other hand, a not so thinly veiled threat.” (How so very Boston!)

By City of Boston law, I am entitled to save this spent after having spent an hour of backbreaking work shoveling. I hope you with respect your neighbors next time, you piece of shit. Love, Vigilante Justice P.S. Happy Holidays!

related: Can you dig it?

extra credit: Boston’s “parking chair” law []

Tags: Boston · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · parking

The mystery of the mischievous, murderous cat

October 16th, 2013 · 78 Comments

Toby in the U.K. found this note taped to his front door, and found it a bit baffling — not to mention disturbing — given that he doesn’t own a cat. “I can only imagine what these ‘defensive measures’ might be,” Toby says. “I hope the cat in question can avoid them.”

And when it comes to the idea of “disciplining” your cat, I can’t even imagine what that might mean.

(just click the image below to enlarge)

Dear Neighbour,  Please can you stop your cat coming into my house. I have to leave my cat flap open for my cat but your cat is causing lots of mischeif. It is a black long haired cat I have seen you feeding him so I know he is your cat. She has already pooped on my rug which cost £50 (and another £30 to clean) and last week he was trying to murder the goldfish in my pond. Please discipline your cat or I will be forced to take defensive measures, and it would be better for all concerned if it does not come to that.  With Kind Regards, Howard  (From No. 32, the house with the blue door)

related: Your cat. Your choice.

Tags: cats · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · questionable logic · U.K.