PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » not-so-veiled threats

…and F the Polar Bear!

Kerry — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 23:48:39 +0000

Jess in St. Louis says this dumpster “is definitely a manifestation of the microcosm of American value clashes that is my block.” Adds Jess: “Hopefully we can all survive the cardboard waste of Christmas in one piece.”

related: The right to bear fruit

In the spirit of the holidays…enjoy the pipe bomb!

Kerry — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:53:00 +0000

My friend Amy and her husband recently had a UPS package stolen from their front porch. Thanks to the wonders of a home security camera, they were able to see that the thieves were actually their next-door neighbors. After a few rounds of “WHAT? WHO DOES THAT? REALLY?” they called the cops and had the fools arrested. (Score: Technology – 1; Humanity – 0.)

Meanwhile, the residents under siege at this Denver apartment building seem to be taking the vigilante approach to justice. Somehow, unless Batman shows up, I just don’t see this ending well.

The Dog Shit Sheriff of Berkeley

Kerry — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 20:41:09 +0000

Joe in Berkeley doesn’t know who this note was intended for, but it showed up on his porch sometime after Thanksgiving dinner.

related: The Pooper Stooper

Stay classy, Fairbanks

Kerry — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 01:22:34 +0000

I’ll admit it: When reading the backstory to this note, I definitely raised an eyebrow at Mary’s assertion that this restaurant in Fairbanks, Alaska — Bobby’s Downtown — is best known for its “lavishly posh restrooms.” Then I took a look at the online reviews.

Now, as fascinated as I am by this whole “princess of the bathrooms” concept, I should probably get back to Mary — who, on her most recent visit to Bobby’s famous facilities, spotted a delightful new addition to the decor:

Boy, that is one issue of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner I cannot wait to see.

Where cursing thieves with crippling violence has a 2000-year-old precedent

Kerry — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:19:57 +0000

Spotted by Vicky at an antiques shop in Bath, England: a modern twist on the ancient local tradition of curse tablets. (To quote Wikipedia: “About 130 curse tablets have been found at Aquae Sulis, now Bath in England, where many of the curses related to thefts of clothes whilst the victim was bathing.”)

related: Law & Order: Social Media Unit

extra credit: Curse tablets of Roman Britain

Perhaps your boss is due for a little chat with HR?

Kerry — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 20:44:36 +0000

The sign to the left was posted by the boss at an office in Oneonta, New York. (Adds our submitter: “He claims the spelling was autocorrected by Word.”)

Without even getting into the finer points of what might constitute a “hostile work environment,” I think it’s safe to say that encouraging your employees to commit suicide isn’t the best management technique.

(Of course, some managers might disagree.)

The old “wipe & walk” trick

Kerry — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 03:04:26 +0000

Option a) “Hey, Iva, could you buy some TP? We’re out.”

Option b) Several weeks of seething funneled into eight six colored markers’ worth of heart exclamation point smiley THREAT heart heart.

And the winner is…

Gee, Bell, that IS funny, cuz you really threw me off with that “I hope you had a nice day!! <3 ” shit. (I’M ACTUALLY KIDDING. I WILL CUT YOU.)

So close, and yet…

Kerry — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 00:40:29 +0000

Darin in Chicago came across the note on the side of his neighbor’s garage just as he was throwing his own dog’s crap in the trash can. (This is kinda like getting out the new roll of TP, but then leaving it on the side of the sink to get wet instead of just putting it on the dispenser…except, worse.)

I don’t really understand the logic here either, but perhaps this particular dog owner is still dealing with the scars from dealing with neighbors like this one, from Ottawa:

related: This is not a trash can

Wrath of the Ancients™ 2.0

Kerry — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 22:58:01 +0000

At Summer’s office in Austin, there are a few known “soakers” who constantly leave their dirty dishes in their sink. Apparently, the office soothsayer has had about enough of this practice.

(click the image below to enlarge)

P.S. I kinda have a crush on this sign.

Dear couchsurfer: here’s a clue you might have overstayed your welcome

Kerry — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:54:20 +0000

From Austin, Texas: a last-ditch attempt to get rid of a houseguest who took “Mi casa es su casa” a bit too literally…

related: Couchsurfing Greg gets pissed

The Tooth Fairy meets Tiger Mother, with a dash of “Go the F**k to Sleep”

Kerry — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 00:47:09 +0000

If you’re too jaded to handle the cuteness factor of kids’ overly-demanding notes to the Tooth Fairy, you still might get kick out of this tooth-in-cheek note from the Tooth Fairy herself.

Explains Mindi (a.k.a. Mindy) from Santa Cruz, California: “In elementary school, I played the string bass in the school orchestra, and my parents were paying for private tutoring lessons. Obviously, I wasn’t practicing enough!”

Adds Mindi: “I later cut this out and put it in my scrapbook. (The ‘really?’ on the side was mine.)”

extra credit: Go to F**ck to Sleep [amazon.com]

Next time, I’ll burn the mail.

Kerry — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 03:27:39 +0000

Jillian and her roommates in Massachusetts recently found this note — which goes from 0 to 60 in half a page — outside their apartment door. At the time it was left, says Jillian: “None of us were home except the dog, who apparently needs to lose weight.”

But hey, neighbor? Even if they had been home, ignoring a knock hardly seems grounds for jumping straight to burning the mail. Apparently it is not a good month for chilling the fuck out.

related: (Don’t Fear) The Creeper

Meow, purr, RAWRRR!

Kerry — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 03:14:48 +0000

Our submitter at a university in Canberra spotted this first note while getting his morning coffee. “Pat (a professor in the department) has been complaining for weeks that her coffee mug seems to disappear and reappear spontaneously. Her mood varies with its presence.”

Several days later, our submitter spotted this addendum, written by another professor sympathetic to Pat’s cause. “Since the mug hasn’t turned up in over a week, I’m pretty sure the culprit is too afraid to return the mug at this point.” (Could you blame him?)

related: Not to name names, but…

“I’m not keeping track or anything, but you are being written out of the will.”

Kerry — Thu, 12 May 2011 01:38:25 +0000

Grandmas: they can kiss you on the cheek while punching you in the gut, and you’ll still write a thank-you note…or wish you had. BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE.

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

P.S. By the way, Grandma Cookie, I did call you at Palm Garden on Mother’s Day — three times — but you didn’t answer. But, um, Happy Mother’s Day?