Entries Tagged as 'not-so-veiled threats'

Dear Vandal

September 13th, 2007 · 169 Comments

“Random people seem to have a lot of fun vandalizing Portland’s many bus stops,” says Kathryn. “Several of the stops I use frequently have had their schedules removed, which is oh-so-helpful. The other day when I went to the stop in front of my office to go home, I noticed this little note. They even took the time to laminate it!”

Dear Vandal, It's not my fault that Mommy didn't love you, and I never touched your pee-pee as a child. Why take your anger out on my bus schedule? Kill yourself. It's cooler.

Tags: die bitch die · Portland · rhetorical question · vandalism

Now that’s effective management

September 10th, 2007 · 113 Comments

Craig from Nottingham, England snapped these at the pub where his cousin works. (Apologies for the blurriness — just pretend you’ve already knocked back a few pints.)

TO ALL STAFF  The habit of simply writing in the duties diary or ringing up to say "Can't work" will cease forthwith. With my approval, attempts to swap shifts with another member of staff of a similar experience will be made first if that is not possible then approach to me to ask for time off. Although for some of you your work is part-time it is not temporary and I expect people when they say they want to to work at the pub to fufil [sic] their part of the bargain.

Keep this area clean and tidy and all times  do not throw away the gold coffee lids   do not eat the coffee mints

All staff: The standards achieved in this pub are not what I expect. Unless effort and levels of cleanliness improve then you must expect the consequences.

If the tin is down or up and you don't tell me then I MAY take the difference from your wages.

By the way, if you’d like to go meet Stephen and shake his hand, Craig says the name of the pub is The Flowing Spring, in Henley. Stephen seems like a kindred spirit to Desi’s New York dungeon master, no?

related: p-e-t-t-y

Tags: bar · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · crazy boss · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · Nottingham · office · U.K.

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Processed-Food Fiend

September 10th, 2007 · 84 Comments

As this example from Winston-Salem, N.C. shows: hell hath no fury like a lactose-loving office worker.

Things that we know have been stolen from this refrigerator recently

The thief might be depending on the fridge’s contents as a source of food, but mercy? Don’t count on it.

Tags: cheese · itemized list · North Carolina · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · stealing · Winston-Salem

Return to sender, address unknown

September 5th, 2007 · 206 Comments

Our anonymous submitter has held on to this e-mail for more than five years now, but she still has no idea what she did to offend the sender. She barely knew him at the time, she says, “and needless to say, I don’t know him any better now, except I have a better handle on his mental state.”

Apparently you never received my e-mail. I found it in my mail box, promptly returned to me by the MAILER DEAMON.

Tags: CAPS LOCK · e-mail · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · spelling and grammar police

A fancy feast

September 4th, 2007 · 126 Comments

Joshua brings us this amazing pair of notes from his apartment building in Philly.

The backstory: “A bulk package of cat food (probably 20 or so cans) was delivered and sat in the hallway for about 4 or 5 days.  We could see what it was because the sides of the package were cardboard, but the top was clear plastic. (Like what you’d find at Costco).  On day 3 or 4 of the cat food being left in the hallway, the plastic had been torn back and a few cans were taken.” The next day, the package was claimed, and this note appeared…

Many thanks to whoever opened up a package that was addressed to me, and stole $19 worth of cat food. Opening up someone else's mail is a federal offense. I hope your cat chokes on the food. :)

Two days later — luckily, after Joshua snapped a photo — the note disappeared. In its place…

To whomever put up the note wishing death upon something's cat over $20, I (ZF) took the note down. I didn't steal your cat's food. I don't have a cat. Did you consider the evil felon who stole your cat's food doesn't live here? There have been a number of workers in the building lately and the food sat there for days. Anyway, I found the note irritating and a little weird (wish cats dead and all) and took it down.

A day later, the response note was torn down, too.

Tags: cats · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · Philadelphia · rebuttals · smiley · stealing · thanks (but not really) · that's illegal

Upon further reflection, screw you

September 1st, 2007 · 53 Comments

While Jessica was a college student in Boston, she lived in a five-person apartment with one friend and three strangers. Jess says apartment issues were rarely (if ever talked about directly (there was but one “meeting), but were instead handled through a series of “love notes” from Anne, like this one.

passiveaggressivenotes.com: memorandum to roommates

Most of the points in this letter, Jessica adds, were directed at one person in particular — her friend, with whom Anne shared a room. And when Anne was told to “remind people to clean” at the meeting, Jess says she and her roommates were simply referring to when and if it began to bother her. Oh, and the building’s rodent problem was a pre-existing condition.

Tags: Boston · cleaning · dishes · garbage · guests · not-so-veiled threats · vermin · water · Your mother doesn't...

Um, Rene Hall?

August 30th, 2007 · 98 Comments

Meric spotted this sign in melbourne while going to the launderette a few doors down. The bizarre thing, says Meric, is that it’s in a shop window. “I have no idea what kind of dastardly person would steal poor Dave’s bananas, but every time I walked past it I laughed so much a little bit of wet came out.”

WHO THE FUCK DRANK ALL MY COKE? AND DAVE'S BANANAS?

Meric adds, “I left Australia in August, so I’m not sure if it’s still there. But these pictures were taken in June on Nicholson Street, Carlton North, Melbourne if anyone from around there would like to check up and see.” P-A detective squad, Melbourne bureau: consider yourselves on the case.

Meanwhile, Sarah in Alexandria says she faced a similar disappearing Coke problem at her office. “At first I tried keeping them all in the box with a large note on the outside opening with my name on it. Apparently that wasn’t enough because cans were still ending up missing, so I added to the note ‘please do not drink’ because maybe someone thought I was leaving my name there so that they would know who to thank (or not to thank, rather) for the free Cokes. Cans were still being taken though, so I decided to resort to the only tactic I have ever known to work on assholes who have no regard whatsoever for others: I threatened their own well-being.”

I licked the top of every can and I'm sick...Try Me

Adds Sarah, “I actually did lick the cans too, and I was genuinely sick. After that note, I was able to enjoy my Cokes without having to worry. The only person who this tactic has yet to work on is my dad.”

Tags: Australia · bananas · beverages · Coke · food · Melbourne · not-so-veiled threats · revenge · stealing · Virginia

U will be sorry

August 26th, 2007 · 66 Comments

One of our regular trouble makers, Boggywoggy (a.k.a. Val in Oregon) took some time off from the comments section this weekend to go fishing, and decided to grab a quick bite at Waldport, Oregon’s, er, finest: The Flounder Inn. Val spotted this note on one of the restroom stalls.

Mention Carrie Lee on thise [sic] wall 1 more time...

Adds Val, “I thought about putting my own message about Carrie Lee on the door, just for kicks, but then realized that person probably really meant business!”

Tags: bathroom · graffiti · im-speak · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · Oregon · spelling and grammar police

Post-punctuationism

August 21st, 2007 · 81 Comments

Explains Sarah in New York City: “One lab in the building where I work has covered the walls outside their lab with candid photos of the lab members. Over time, some of these photos got some ‘modifications’ from passers-by, such as a mustache or horns here or there.  (Mature, I know.) Today, I noticed the photos were gone.” In their place…

To the budding Van Gogh of the floor. If I catch you doodling on OUR pictures it will NOT be your ear, I will cut. Come and see me! Love Jessie x7663

UPDATE: Sarah provides a look at the note in context. (Unfortunately, without the original “artwork.”)

To the budding Van Gogh of the floor. If I catch you doodling on OUR pictures it will NOT be your ear, I will cut. Come and see me! Love Jessie x7663

Tags: excessive underlining · graffiti · more aggressive than passive · New York · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · office · signed with love · You call that punctuation?

Perhaps a committee to assess the health of the committee?

August 20th, 2007 · 100 Comments

“The Healthy Companies Committee,” explains Katherine in D.C., is the name of the office pep squad led by the sender of the e-mail. (“Ironically,” she adds, “he does not seem to be able to deal with his frustration in a ‘healthy’ way.”)

The hilarity of this note is more subtle than say, a “Thank you Terry,” but don’t be fooled: it’s not your garden-variety “do your dishes” note, either. (Pay particular attention to paragraphs one and four.) It’s like something straight out of a script from The Office.

what will it take?? (probably not an office-wide e-mail)

Don’t you wish you could read the earlier drafts?

Tags: comma diarrhea · confusion??? · D.C. · dishes · dishwasher · e-mail · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · office · questionable logic · royal we · spelling and grammar police