Entries Tagged as 'not-so-veiled threats'

Post-punctuationism

August 21st, 2007 · 81 Comments

Explains Sarah in New York City: “One lab in the building where I work has covered the walls outside their lab with candid photos of the lab members. Over time, some of these photos got some ‘modifications’ from passers-by, such as a mustache or horns here or there.  (Mature, I know.) Today, I noticed the photos were gone.” In their place…

To the budding Van Gogh of the floor. If I catch you doodling on OUR pictures it will NOT be your ear, I will cut. Come and see me! Love Jessie x7663

UPDATE: Sarah provides a look at the note in context. (Unfortunately, without the original “artwork.”)

To the budding Van Gogh of the floor. If I catch you doodling on OUR pictures it will NOT be your ear, I will cut. Come and see me! Love Jessie x7663

Tags: excessive underlining · graffiti · more aggressive than passive · New York · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · office · signed with love · You call that punctuation?

Perhaps a committee to assess the health of the committee?

August 20th, 2007 · 100 Comments

“The Healthy Companies Committee,” explains Katherine in D.C., is the name of the office pep squad led by the sender of the e-mail. (“Ironically,” she adds, “he does not seem to be able to deal with his frustration in a ‘healthy’ way.”)

The hilarity of this note is more subtle than say, a “Thank you Terry,” but don’t be fooled: it’s not your garden-variety “do your dishes” note, either. (Pay particular attention to paragraphs one and four.) It’s like something straight out of a script from The Office.

what will it take?? (probably not an office-wide e-mail)

Don’t you wish you could read the earlier drafts?

Tags: comma diarrhea · confusion??? · D.C. · dishes · dishwasher · e-mail · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · office · questionable logic · royal we · spelling and grammar police

Don’t hate the playa

August 12th, 2007 · 115 Comments

Our anonymous submitter lives in a 30-story condo building in Chicago. Her father works in the same building, and received this note in the suggestion box.

“I found the letter slipped under my door one day,” she says. “My dad had put it there after reading it with his boss. I’m sure he’s damn proud of his little girl!”

In her defense, our submitter believes the notes allegations to be more than a bit exaggerated. “I have never (that I can remember) regurgitated in the garage,” she says, adding, in the immortal words of Salt n Pepa: “If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight/IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

This is to inform you that the tenant who lives on floor [redacted] appears to be having drug and alcohol problems.

Tags: Chicago · danger · drizzunk · drugs · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Moms & Dads · neighbors · noise · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police

I can’t stand this shit anymore.

July 25th, 2007 · 50 Comments

Semarr prefaces this submission by saying: “I realize it’s not particularly *passive* aggressive, but in context it became so.” She explains:

There were eight people living in the house. One of them collected shelter cats and kept them in the basement. I found this note when I had come home from work very late at night. By morning, the board was blank and Jon L-W denied it ever existed, and all roommates at the next ‘house meeting’ refused to admit there were any aggressive undertones in house. Jon said he loved the cats. Other earlier voiced-behind-backs complaints were whole-heartedly denied.

My Disclaimer: This house smells like shit. I ate my dinner in shit tonight. The cats must GO or be in the basement permanently or, sad to say, I have to go, because I can't stand this shit anymore. Seriously, Jon L-W P.S. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

Adds Semarr: “I moved out a month later.”

related: My cat-shit crazy neighbor

Tags: cats · excessive underlining · more aggressive than passive · New Jersey · not-so-veiled threats · odor · roommates · shit · that's disgusting · whiteboard

Refrain/stop/discontinue

July 18th, 2007 · 41 Comments

“This note appeared in the office kitchen on the fridge next to our fancy Keurig coffee machines,” says our submitter in New York City. “The coffee pods are set out on the counter in a display, but when people couldn’t find their flavor of choice, they’d go into the cabinets to find it.”

Trying to understand this sign-maker’s design process (“No, still not clear enough. let’s hit return again, center-justify, underline AND change the color?”) makes my head hurt.

ONCE AGAIN PLEASE REFRAIN (STOP) FROM OPENING COFFEE BOXES THAT ARE IN THE CABINET. THIS MAKES IT DIFFICULT WHEN IT COMES TO ORDERING COFFEE. IF THIS CONTINUES THE COFFEE SERVICE IN THIS PANTRY WILL HAVE TO BE DISCONTINUED. THANK YOU

Adds our submitter: “Sure enough, not long after this note went up, coffee service was discontinued.” (It has since resumed.)

Tags: bizarro spacing · bold-underlined-caps · coffee · fun with synonyms · New York · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · office

Killer cookie dough

June 20th, 2007 · 33 Comments

Writes Lauren in Kansas: “My roommate is known for her notes towards me and our other roommate. We never touch each other’s food as is, but I guess she felt the need to threaten us to keep it that way. Inside the box? A ton of containers of frozen cookie dough.”

DO NOT EAT - if you do...you will DIE!! <3 Lacy

Sadly, Lacey’s earlier notes to Lauren and her roommates went unrecorded. Lauren’s personal favorite:

If you’re hot run around naked
If you’re cold put on sweatshirts
Do NOT touch the heater
Love, Lacey

Tags: die bitch die · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Kansas · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing

Do the rest of us a favor

June 19th, 2007 · 88 Comments

Looks like both the Mad Bomber and Richard G. Sells have West-coast counterparts:

favor.jpg

Grossed out? Yeah, me too. Blame Gregory in Los Angeles for documenting this one (!!!)

related: The Mad Bomber, Act 1: “Sorry about the language”

Tags: CAPS LOCK · die bitch die · ellipses-crazed · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · group bitchfest · Los Angeles · more aggressive than passive · office · piss · shit · that's disgusting · toilet

The first thing I did when I woke up

June 16th, 2007 · 137 Comments

The third paragraph of the first e-mail is the brilliant part…though I’m gonna have to side with Michelle’s roommate on this one.

eating my outback bread

no excuses

Adds Michelle: “that bread was fucking delicious.”

Tags: bread · CAPS LOCK · Charlottesville · college life · e-mail · food · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · Virginia

May the sanctity of the sink prevail!!

June 14th, 2007 · 93 Comments

My esteemed housemates, I have some unfortunate news to report. It appears that our ongoing experiment to see if the dishes would indeed wash themselves has ended and ultimately failed.

(From Midgy in Madison, Wisconsin.)

related: With 17 roommates, it could have been worse

Tags: CAPS LOCK · dishes · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · rhetorical question · roommates · sarcasm · spelling and grammar police · TL;DR · Wisconsin

Try a bite.

June 13th, 2007 · 23 Comments

A booby-trapped soup — sans note — probably would have been the more effective (and more passive-aggressive) approach, but, um, to each his own?

STOP eating my soup! I know who you are. I'm watching you. I mixed a little OxyPowder in my soup today. Care to find out what that is?? Try a bite.

If you’re wondering what OxyPowder is, allow Kenneth to explain.

Tags: excessive underlining · food · Houston · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · stealing