Sounds like somebody in this Seattle office is havin’ a little ‘roid rage.
What’s Muscle Milk, you ask? Well, say its makers, “Muscle Milk is arguably America’s favorite protein.” Apparently because unlike, say, chicken, Muscle Milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”
related: Try a bite
Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · Comic Sans Alert · ellipses-crazed · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · stealing
From Jasmine in Georgia…
Tags: excessive underlining · Georgia · kids · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · rainbow-colored
“You know when you drink so much that you can’t remember what you did the night before?” asks our anonymous Scottish pizza bandit. “Sometimes we’re lucky enough to encounter certain things which trigger memories of our alcohol-fueled rampage. I was lucky enough to come across this the next day.”
![Dear pizza theif [sic], I hope you enjoyed those two slices of Dominoes pizza. I did. It was so nice in fact I kept it in the fridge to enjoy. So it was to my surprise to find those slices missing the next day. My mum bought me that pizza — but I guess you must have been in dire hunger to eat my food. In that case, that's alright. At least you cleaned the side plate afterwards. But I will still kill you. Craig.](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1032/1431710522_475a764238_b.jpg "Dear pizza theif [sic], I hope you enjoyed those two slices of Dominoes pizza. I did. It was so nice in fact I kept it in the fridge to enjoy. So it was to my surprise to find those slices missing the next day. My mum bought me that pizza — but I guess you must have been in dire hunger to eat my food. In that case, that's alright. At least you cleaned the side plate afterwards. But I will still kill you. Craig.")
Tags: fridge · guilt trip · not-so-veiled threats · pizza · roommates · sarcasm · Scotland · spelling and grammar police · stealing
Attention: corporate emergency in the Chicagoland area!
Meanwhile, in Seattle…
Adds our anonymous submitter, “All the glassware for all departments is washed by the poor lab slaves at least twice a day, and then promptly returned to the shelves. How much glassware are they using that they notice if a beaker or two went missing?”
Tags: a little uptight · and that's an order · Chicago · crazy boss · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · office · office supplies · Seattle · spelling and grammar police
“Random people seem to have a lot of fun vandalizing Portland’s many bus stops,” says Kathryn. “Several of the stops I use frequently have had their schedules removed, which is oh-so-helpful. The other day when I went to the stop in front of my office to go home, I noticed this little note. They even took the time to laminate it!”
Tags: die bitch die · Portland · rhetorical question · vandalism
Craig from Nottingham, England snapped these at the pub where his cousin works. (Apologies for the blurriness — just pretend you’ve already knocked back a few pints.)
![TO ALL STAFF The habit of simply writing in the duties diary or ringing up to say "Can't work" will cease forthwith. With my approval, attempts to swap shifts with another member of staff of a similar experience will be made first if that is not possible then approach to me to ask for time off. Although for some of you your work is part-time it is not temporary and I expect people when they say they want to to work at the pub to fufil [sic] their part of the bargain.](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1437/1357320315_8d2133b906.jpg "TO ALL STAFF The habit of simply writing in the duties diary or ringing up to say "Can't work" will cease forthwith. With my approval, attempts to swap shifts with another member of staff of a similar experience will be made first if that is not possible then approach to me to ask for time off. Although for some of you your work is part-time it is not temporary and I expect people when they say they want to to work at the pub to fufil [sic] their part of the bargain.")
By the way, if you’d like to go meet Stephen and shake his hand, Craig says the name of the pub is The Flowing Spring, in Henley. Stephen seems like a kindred spirit to Desi’s New York dungeon master, no?
related: p-e-t-t-y
Tags: bar · CAPS LOCK · cleaning · crazy boss · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · Nottingham · office · U.K.
As this example from Winston-Salem, N.C. shows: hell hath no fury like a lactose-loving office worker.
The thief might be depending on the fridge’s contents as a source of food, but mercy? Don’t count on it.
Tags: cheese · itemized list · North Carolina · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · stealing · Winston-Salem
Our anonymous submitter has held on to this e-mail for more than five years now, but she still has no idea what she did to offend the sender. She barely knew him at the time, she says, “and needless to say, I don’t know him any better now, except I have a better handle on his mental state.”
Tags: CAPS LOCK · e-mail · excessive underlining · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · spelling and grammar police
