Entries Tagged as 'not-so-veiled threats'

This room is protected by the Constitution

June 7th, 2007 · 75 Comments

This isn’t just a note — it’s a work of art. And it’s about 100 shades of amazing.

I’ll let Rich explain: “I had a party at my house once in college, and one of our roommates who was going to be gone was really scared that someone was going to sleep in his bed. so, instead of, you know, telling us not to use his room, he decided to post this hilarious note that only an aspiring personal injury lawyer could produce.”

This room is protected by the Constitution

I don't care if you just want a place to sleep STAY OUT. This is room is protected as later defined from trespassing. There is privileged information contain within.

Being in this room may be a violation of some or all of the following

Penalties Defined - per Iowa code + Federal law

related: CARE — it makes a difference

Tags: "helpful" advice · college life · excessive underlining · Iowa · more like crazy · not-so-veiled threats · questionable logic · roommates · TL;DR · touching

Cereal killer

June 3rd, 2007 · 21 Comments

“My roommate Ian kept eating all the cereal I bought before I had a chance to have even a single bowl,” Dan says. Apparently the Cap’n decided to take matters into his own hands.

If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I'll kill you in your sleep.

If you can’t read it, the Cap’n is saying: “Ian, If I catch you eating this delicious cereal, I’ll kill you in your sleep. Love, Dan.”

Tags: cereal · excessive underlining · food · not-so-veiled threats · roommates · signed with love · stealing

Yeah, I got fired…but that Hot Pocket sure was worth it.

May 30th, 2007 · 14 Comments

This exercise in redundancy is brought to us by Erika in Los Angeles. It’s like the note-writer couldn’t decide which tactic would be most effective and just opted for all of the above.

REMEMBER!

Tags: "helpful" advice · bullet points · excessive underlining · food · guilt trip · high on highlighter · Los Angeles · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · pleasantries as afterthought · spelling and grammar police · stealing

The Mad Bomber, Act 3: We are watching you

May 25th, 2007 · 55 Comments

If you missed them, catch  up with Act 1 and Act 2 of the Mad Bomber saga. Here, the  (somewhat anti-climactic) conclusion:

Through some help of our members and some tracking we now know who has been making the messes in the women's toilets. We know who you are! We are watching you and will catch you in the act. When this happens you will be prosecuted for destruction of property, attempting to harm our business and the cost we have gone through to clean up after you. Its [sic] time to bring this to an end!!!

It appears that season one of this series concludes with a dramatic cliffhanger ending. Will the Mad Bomber be caught in the act? Will Richard G. Sells post another notice outing the bomber for public humiliation and condemnation? We can only hope.

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gym · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · toilet

CARE: it makes a difference

May 25th, 2007 · 21 Comments

This girl is like the archetypal freshman roommate, no?

I'm sick & tired of leaving nice little notes

From Megan in Charleston, who was not the slob that this note might suggest.

Tags: college life · dishes · excessive underlining · garbage · not-so-veiled threats · rhetorical question · roommates · South Carolina · whiteboard

Next time, go for the Fiji?

May 24th, 2007 · 11 Comments

This fiendishly funny note comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Philly, who does not condone the theft of bottled water of any kind.

To the fiend that took my Deer Park water which was frozen solid out of the freezer in the door tip shelf!!!

Tags: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · oh snap · stealing · water

The Mad Bomber, Act 2: Please stay seated during the entire performance

May 23rd, 2007 · 34 Comments

If you missed it, Act 1 is where this saga begins. Here, we see Richard G. Sell’s frustration grow to a fever pitch…

WE ARE TIRED OF THIS!!!!!! Let it be known by all of our female members that the staff of the Lawrence Athletic Club are tired of cleaning up after the MAD BOMBER.

And it continues with Act 3

Tags: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gym · not-so-veiled threats · shit · toilet

The Mad Bomber, Act 1: “Sorry about the language”

May 22nd, 2007 · 36 Comments

I don’t want to oversell this, but the following series of three signs (sent in by a health-club patron who wishes to remain nameless) just became my new all-time favorite. I love so many things about Richard G. Sells’s first masterpiece (below) that I don’t even know where to begin.

Twice someone has crapped all over the wall, back of the toilet, under the toilet, on the seat, under the seat, and on the floor without getting any of the crap in the toilet stool [sic] itself.

The best part, I think, might be the Freudian slip mid-way through (“…without getting any of the crap in the toilet stool itself.”)

But it doesn’t end there! Read acts 2 and 3.

Tags: "helpful" advice · bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · gym · most popular notes of 2007 · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · shit

It was an ironic dance party, okay?

May 12th, 2007 · 23 Comments

Slipped under our door by the downstairs neighbors.

Ya'll: This is the 3rd time Michael Jackson, Amy Grant, and the cast of Disney have invaded my apartment against my will. I tried knocking + was unheard or ignored. I don't want to have to rat you out, but if it doesn't stop ASAP I'm calling the policy. SORRY, Apt. 1

(Guilty as charged.)

related: Seriously…Sugar Ray?

Tags: Brooklyn · music · neighbors · noise · not-so-veiled threats · Park Slope · the po-po