Before you embark on this visual road trip through from rural North America, remember: guns don’t kill ’possums. CELL PHONES KILL ’POSSUMS. (And potentially one-thumbed former sea captains.)
Entries Tagged as 'not-so-veiled threats'
September 25th, 2009 · 150 Comments
September 24th, 2009 · 120 Comments
When dealing with anonymous strangers, there’s no point in playing coy about your hopes and dreams. Tell us, kids, what do you REALLY want?
related: I hope your cat chokes
August 23rd, 2009 · 96 Comments
Sarah in San Francisco convinced her friend Tim to take a photo of this note, the third in a series of progressively sterner notes that has appeared in his office restroom.
Writes Sarah: “I am a fan of, inter alia, the fact that the author ‘buries the lead’ in the p.s. in the middle; the phrase ‘do not leave with the toilet paper,’ as if it’s something you pick up at a bar and take home before the beer goggles wear off; the statement that toilet paper ‘belongs to the public,’ like the state’s natural resources; and of course, the threat to make the perpetrator pay…and more.”
Meanwhile, this note from Jen in Richmond, B.C. is both more specific and more puzzling.
I mean, subbing paper towels for TP, I understand…you gotta do what you gotta do when your rations run out. But drying your hands with toilet paper? Really, comrades?
related: five approaches to TP maintenance
August 19th, 2009 · 126 Comments
This note, from Michelle in Denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.
“This bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible,” Michelle says. “On the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. This is why you don’t steal from the fridge when you work for a multimedia corporation!”
related: ABP on the V8
June 17th, 2009 · 106 Comments
Writes Dan in Seattle: “I work at a hospital and often ride my motorcycle to work. There is another hospital employee that also does so, and we usually park in the same area. Space is at a premium —especially around this woman and her self-proclaimed 10-foot-wide protected parking bubble. Another time she left me a note asking me not to block her in (when I hadn’t blocked her in!) but this latest note from her is the best encounter by far. I parked behind her about a foot back, leaving plenty —and I mean plenty — of room for her to pull out, but apparently that wasn’t enough for her.”
This time, Dan says, “for the safety of my motorcycle (and obviously, out of spite), I told the police.” Lucky for us, he scanned a copy of the note first. It’s the totally “biker chick” stationery that makes it, of course.
related: Hello kancer!
June 12th, 2009 · 119 Comments
Because nobody says “I mean business” like…Donald Duck.
Except, perhaps, Mickey Mouse? Writes our anonymous submitter in Toronto: “My sister went to do her laundry with her 2-year-old daughter who kept on saying ‘Mickey! Mickey!’” It seemed like random toddler babbling…until she saw the note.
Thanks for taking your sweet f*ckin’ time doin’ your laundry. Next time try setting an Egg timer so you can get your Lazy ASS outa bed!
extra credit: Didn’t Disney sue a bunch of preschools for painting Disney characters on their walls? [snopes.com]
April 26th, 2009 · 126 Comments
“One of my coworkers — normally a calm, even-keeled woman — sits near the door of the office,” writes Ali in Minnesota. “When others come in at night to write reports or look up info, they apparently destroy her desk in the matter of minutes. After a series of coffee cups and chair-lowerings, up went this note. Everyone in the office found it so funny they started adding snarling animals to the note. Ferocious!”
While I can understand this woman’s frustration, one thing I’ll never be able to understand is the logic behind highlighting an entire (caps-locked!) message.
related: cubicle etiquette
March 25th, 2009 · 248 Comments
Victoria in Foster city, California, says her brother taped this note to one of the kitchen cabinets in their mother’s house after her boyfriend took his own frozen chicken out of little brother’s grasp the night before. (Just to clarify that mess of pronouns: it was Victoria’s boyfriend’s chicken. Not that it really matters.)
“He’s 17 and constantly PMS-ing and thinks he has reign of the house,” Victoria says of her brother. So, in response, Victoria did whatever any older sibling does when a parent tells you to suck it up and act your age. (Namely: exactly the opposite.)
related: no girls allowed
March 3rd, 2009 · 137 Comments
You could start with a basic visual aid…
Or perhaps appeal to your readers’ sense of patriotism…
…or go with a not-so-veiled threat.
Of course, you could just let your ass do the talking.
But remember to cite your sources.
(Thanks to Ryan in West Palm Beach, Heather in Delaware, Julie in Marysville, Brian in British Columbia and bluepaintred in Canada for their advice on this matter.)
February 17th, 2009 · 342 Comments
First of all, the disclaimer: Our anonymous submitter in Houston lives in an apartment complex with very limited parking for residents. “When I come home from work late at night,” she explains, “the handicapped parking spot is typically the only one available.” That excuse, however, doesn’t seem to cut it for one of her neighbors.
As you’ll see from the note left on our submitter’s windshield, this eagle-eyed neighbor perhaps isn’t what you’d call “book-smart,” but — gosh darn it — what she lacks in basic spelling and grammar skills she more than makes up for with raw gumption and a steely sense of self-righteousness!
[Rough translation, from our anonymous submitter: "I see that you are not handicapped, but you park in the handicapped parking spot in our apartment complex. I am not handicapped, and I don't know anyone in the complex who is, but I feel entitled to tell you to stop parking there. Furthermore, I feel entitled enough to have your car towed if you park there again."]
related: Mahvelous, just mahvelous