PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » now that’s management

From the Manager’s Book of Quotes for Inspiring Workplace Paranoia

Kerry — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 02:59:38 +0000

Writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “This note appeared in the staff bathrooms the day after a meeting I had with my boss…a meeting that included some discussion about how large parts of my day involve looking for things to do. So…I guess I’m ‘uninteresting’?”

Wanted: Part-time Masochists

Kerry — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 04:10:22 +0000

At least with this job, you know exactly what kind of misery you’re signing up for if you decide to “enquire within.” (If only all bosses let their true characters shine through so obviously at this stage of the game.)

Perhaps your boss is due for a little chat with HR?

Kerry — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 20:44:36 +0000

The sign to the left was posted by the boss at an office in Oneonta, New York. (Adds our submitter: “He claims the spelling was autocorrected by Word.”)

Without even getting into the finer points of what might constitute a “hostile work environment,” I think it’s safe to say that encouraging your employees to commit suicide isn’t the best management technique.

(Of course, some managers might disagree.)

In case you’d forgotten that you are but a tiny, eminently replaceable cog in this vast machine…

Kerry — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 00:12:27 +0000

Your corporate overlords would like to offer this friendly reminder of how much we value our employees!

related: Recession incentive plan

Please change.

Kerry — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 00:22:30 +0000

Our submitter in Tucson, Arizona was a little perplexed by the sign hanging up in newly-assigned cubicle, but didn’t think much of it. When he finally got around to asking his bosses about it, they somewhat cryptically responded that the last person to work in that cubicle “had a problem with change.”

(It’s unclear who made the decision that a change of job was in order for that particular ex-employee.)

Meanwhile, Bethany in Bakersfield, California still isn’t quite sure what to make of this note, which she found on her desk one morning at work. (“Did someone start to write a message and get distracted two words in?” Or am I living my life in such a way that they simply can’t handle it any longer?”)

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

Colonel Mustard? Meet Major Peteve.

Kerry — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 22:05:19 +0000

“As far as I know,” says Meagan in Ohio, “my boss, an early-40s white lady named Sandee, is a native English speaker.” I made sure to double-check with Meaghan on this, because, well — just read the thing.

As Meagan points out, her boss “does not seem to understand that the pet peeve is the thing you shouldn’t do…or that ‘peteve’ is not a thing…or really, anything. How could you hit ‘print’ on this?”

Except to underline the fact that Meagan’s place of employment is a winery — one where open bottles of wine seem have to have a tendency to be strewn about willy-nilly — I must say I have no idea.

related: My pet peeve

No Bowl Movements Allowed

Kerry — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 02:41:47 +0000

From Jake in Richmond…another one for the “WTF?” files.

The Year of the Rabbit is off to a lucky start!

Kerry — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 01:44:49 +0000

…at least that’s the spin the managers of this Atlanta restaurant are going with.

(Thanks to Nicole and her friend Sam for submitting.)

related: Recession incentive plan

Clues that you might be stuck in a soul-sucking job

Kerry — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 00:54:30 +0000

1. Your explanation for the following: “It’s funny, ’cause it’s true.”

2. At this point, it’s every zombie for himself.

3. Even the visual metaphors have given up.

4. And those noises you’re hearing? That’s actually the sound of your life force slowly leaching out of your body.

(Thanks to Marcus in Indiana, David in California, Bunny in Florida, and anonymous in New York for their soul-sucking submissions.)

The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party Rules

Kerry — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 23:29:06 +0000

Our submitter spotted this amazing stream-of-consciousness manifesto inside a small tea shop in Hertfordshire, U.K. “I especially like the lack of punctuation, constantly shifting tone, and preachy generalizations,” she says. “Apparently it’s not enough to simply request that customers wipe their feet or use a trash can — it’s necessary to subject them to a generational guilt trip as well.”

That must be some damn good coffee…

Kerry — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 04:10:03 +0000

“I was walking by a local café and this two-page, handwritten rant stopped me in my tracks,” says our submitter in Montreal. “I was so disturbed I went home and returned immediately with my camera, just in case the owner suddenly got sane (or had some sense talked into him) and decided to take it down. This is someone who should clearly not be dealing with the public.”

related: The Sushi Nazi

Motivational posters for a down economy

Kerry — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 21:53:15 +0000

In a recession, how companies harness the power of positive thinking can get a little twisted.

In Roanoke, Virginia, for example, Seth says “an uptight lady I used to work with — who almost certainly used to be a hall monitor — wrote this motivational quote in the windowless trailer I shared with about 20 coworkers and a vindictive, micromanaging boss.”

When he eventually got laid off, Seth says, the company tried to get him to interview for a different position — but those inspiring words on the whiteboard set him straight. “I decided that imagining myself without a paycheck was not enough to keep me coming back to that acre of hell.”

Elsewhere in Roanoke, meanwhile, kitchen staff at this restaurant/bar are greeted by these empowering words every time they trudge through the doors.

And of course, nothing can top this classic:

What do God, recycling, and ultramarathons have in common?

Kerry — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 04:44:05 +0000

Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”

related: Al Gore knows

Those puddles on the floor? Not salad dressing.

Kerry — Thu, 06 May 2010 00:00:24 +0000

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.