Entries Tagged as 'now that’s management'

The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party Rules

December 5th, 2010 · 44 Comments

Our submitter spotted this amazing stream-of-consciousness manifesto inside a small tea shop in Hertfordshire, U.K. “I especially like the lack of punctuation, constantly shifting tone, and preachy generalizations,” she says. “Apparently it’s not enough to simply request that customers wipe their feet or use a trash can — it’s necessary to subject them to a generational guilt trip as well.”

No Muddy Boots - Switch off mobile phones - Keep young Children Seated  What ever next!!!  It is worth reminding ourselves why it is we feel compelled to introduce restrictions and notices of any sort on our customers.  We can assure you that we would rather not!!!  The problem seems to be that we as a society we appear to have less respect for each other than in previous generations.  For example should it really be necessary to have a rule banning people from walking through the tearoom in muddy boots or to request mobile phone be switched off or to have a notice for the Ladies Loo -  Apparently so............  Ladies, PLEASE Use the Sanitary Disposal Bags for relevant items And place in the green bin that has been provided for this sole purpose  DO NOT Flush the disposable bag or any other item that has not gone through your system down our Old and very sensitive system!!!  (Its just not nice - the exception being the loo paper)  Perhaps we should simply have a customer code of conduct that reminds every one to consider others at all times

related: That must be some damn good coffee…

Tags: "customer service" · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids today · now that's management · restaurant · U.K.

That must be some damn good coffee…

October 5th, 2010 · 143 Comments

“I was walking by a local café and this two-page, handwritten rant stopped me in my tracks,” says our submitter in Montreal. “I was so disturbed I went home and returned immediately with my camera, just in case the owner suddenly got sane (or had some sense talked into him) and decided to take it down. This is someone who should clearly not be dealing with the public.”

Rule 3 (c): Once the transaction is complete and the owner has given you an opening you may engage in social chit-chat.

Rule 3(b) Remember, first things first you are here to buy coffee.

Rule 3 (c): Once the transaction is complete and the owner has given you an opening you may engage in social chit-chat.

related: The Sushi Nazi

Tags: "customer service" · Montreal · most popular notes of 2010 · now that's management · restaurant

Motivational posters for a down economy

September 14th, 2010 · 79 Comments

In a recession, how companies harness the power of positive thinking can get a little twisted.

In Roanoke, Virginia, for example, Seth says “an uptight lady I used to work with — who almost certainly used to be a hall monitor — wrote this motivational quote in the windowless trailer I shared with about 20 coworkers and a vindictive, micromanaging boss.”

 Seth says

When he eventually got laid off,  Seth says, the company tried to get him to interview for a different position —  but those inspiring words on the whiteboard set him straight. “I decided that imagining myself without a paycheck was not enough to keep me coming back to that acre of hell.”

Elsewhere in Roanoke, meanwhile, kitchen staff at this restaurant/bar are greeted by these empowering words every time they trudge through the doors.

To the staff: if you cannot do your job, please feel free to find another one.

And of course, nothing can top this classic:

To All Employees: NEW INCENTIVE PLAN - WORK - OR GET FIRED!

related: “Popcorn Thursday,” and 100o other ways to reward employees besides giving raises.

Tags: fired · most popular notes of 2010 · now that's management · office · Virginia · whiteboard

What do God, recycling, and ultramarathons have in common?

August 9th, 2010 · 62 Comments

Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”

Nothing with personal information on it! Everything else! I have to run 100k marathon, you bitches can recycle. It's God's Way. :)

related: Al Gore knows

Tags: Arizona · crazy boss · God · recycling · smiley · WTF?

Those puddles on the floor? Not salad dressing.

May 5th, 2010 · 98 Comments

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.

Please do not urinate in the trash cans! Restrooms are located behind the salad bar. Thanks, Management

related: What is it about thrift-store fitting rooms?

Tags: Kansas · now that's management · piss · WTF?

And seriously, FYI you guys

April 5th, 2010 · 96 Comments

This note was spotted by Sara at the downtown Alamo Cinema Drafthouse in Austin, seemingly written by an employee channeling Amy Poehler’s character in Wet Hot American Summer.

Hey guys, listen up! There is [sic] way too many memos being posted around here lately, irregardless of what they may say. Let's all do our part to minimize clutter on the wall. Seriously, no biggie, just you know...

Seriously guys, amirite?!?

related: Now finish up them taters, I’m gonna go fondle my sweaters

Tags: Austin · CAPS LOCK · fed-up librarian · irregardless · meta · now that's management · spelling and grammar police

The Munchkins are restless.

January 25th, 2010 · 96 Comments

“Our department head thought we should be be bringing in doughnuts more often,” says our anonymous submitter in Illinois. One of the department’s “severely underpaid” underlings, meanwhile, thought otherwise.

...If we were paid COMPETATIVE [sic] WAGES We could afford doughnuts!

UPDATE: For those of you asking “But where’s the ridiculous clip art?!” I bring you this rather dashing toreador/sheriff (as spotted by Mel in the break room of her Ithaca, New York office).

While Mel doesn’t disagree with the sentiment behind the note, “It’s a bit off-putting to be presumed guilty of theft before the fact,” she says. “Also, there seems to be a degree of randomness to the number of exclamation points at the end of each line.” (And of course, that dandy of a sheriff.)

PUT THE DONUT DOWN, AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!!

related: Straight out of the Michael Scott Playbook

Tags: bold underlined italics · bullet points · coffee · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Illinois · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police

This time, management has gone too far.

December 10th, 2009 · 192 Comments

Sure, we’ve seen notices like this one before…although they’re usually from parts of the world with much more questionable plumbing than you’d find (as Jason did) in Northern Virginia.

PER MANAGEMENT NO NUMBER 2 ONLY NUMBR 1 NO EXCEPTIONS

But this doozy, spotted by Dana at a local coffee shop in Canada, is a first.

All MALES using this toilet must sit. Standing is not an option.

related: Comrades, take notice!

Tags: and that's an order · big brother-ish · now that's management · toilet

Raging against the pinball machine

December 6th, 2009 · 123 Comments

A parable of the state of the “hot dot-com” workplace in 2009: The story goes, according to our anonymous submitter in California:

Some executive-level person decided to put a pinball machine into our break area. After several months, someone must have complained about the noise, because a note went up telling us it was not to be played. When some employees decided to play the machine at 7 AM (assuming nobody in the building was in), the note was replaced by a new (more specific) note.

Pinball Machine is NOT to be played at any time. Thank you!

After that, “the machine was unplugged and left to gather dust,” our submitter says…and to silently taunt all of the office’s embittered would-be pinball wizards. Until, one day…multiball!

The Pinball Machine is SOLELY TO BE LOOKED AT. And also to post notes on Not to play pinball.

related: “Popcorn Thursday”

Tags: California · note wars · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals

Recession incentive plan

July 9th, 2009 · 160 Comments

Writes Katrina in Illinois: “I work in furniture, and due to the economy/the real estate crash, the company has been struggling and a lot of employees have been making a lot less money.  This little morale booster was found on the break room bulletin board — right beside the letter notifying us that the company was no longer matching 401(k) contributions.”

To all Employees: New incentive plan: work - or get fired!

related: “That’s what she said”

Tags: fired · high on highlighter · Illinois · now that's management