From Jake in Richmond…another one for the “WTF?” files.

related: All MALES using this toilet must sit.

…at least that’s the spin the managers of this Atlanta restaurant are going with.

(Thanks to Nicole and her friend Sam for submitting.)

related: Recession incentive plan

1. Your explanation for the following: “It’s funny, ’cause it’s true.”

2. At this point, it’s every zombie for himself.

3. Even the visual metaphors have given up.

4. And those noises you’re hearing? That’s actually the sound of your life force slowly leaching out of your body.

(Thanks to Marcus in Indiana, David in California, Bunny in Florida, and anonymous in New York for their soul-sucking submissions.)

related: Motivational posters for a down economy

Our submitter spotted this amazing stream-of-consciousness manifesto inside a small tea shop in Hertfordshire, U.K. “I especially like the lack of punctuation, constantly shifting tone, and preachy generalizations,” she says. “Apparently it’s not enough to simply request that customers wipe their feet or use a trash can — it’s necessary to subject them to a generational guilt trip as well.”

related: That must be some damn good coffee…

“I was walking by a local café and this two-page, handwritten rant stopped me in my tracks,” says our submitter in Montreal. “I was so disturbed I went home and returned immediately with my camera, just in case the owner suddenly got sane (or had some sense talked into him) and decided to take it down. This is someone who should clearly not be dealing with the public.”

related: The Sushi Nazi

In a recession, how companies harness the power of positive thinking can get a little twisted.

In Roanoke, Virginia, for example, Seth says “an uptight lady I used to work with — who almost certainly used to be a hall monitor — wrote this motivational quote in the windowless trailer I shared with about 20 coworkers and a vindictive, micromanaging boss.”

When he eventually got laid off,  Seth says, the company tried to get him to interview for a different position —  but those inspiring words on the whiteboard set him straight. “I decided that imagining myself without a paycheck was not enough to keep me coming back to that acre of hell.”

Elsewhere in Roanoke, meanwhile, kitchen staff at this restaurant/bar are greeted by these empowering words every time they trudge through the doors.

And of course, nothing can top this classic:

related: “Popcorn Thursday,” and 100o other ways to reward employees besides giving raises.

Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”

related: Al Gore knows

Sure, some things (don’t pee in the freaking trash can!) should go without saying. But if you’re gonna say it, wouldn’t this be the time for absolute clarity? In this situation, the directive “behind the salad bar” seems dangerously vague.

Oh, and did I mention that Jenna in Kansas spotted this notice at a local “salad bar/tanning salon”? Because I’m sure that clears everything up.

related: What is it about thrift-store fitting rooms?