office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.
the “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim:

and — i shit you not — the response:

related: lean cuisine

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when dealing with anonymous strangers, there’s no point in playing coy about your hopes and dreams. tell us, kids, what do you REALLY want?

related: i hope your cat chokes

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this note, from michelle in denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.
and, adds michelle: “this bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible. on the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. this is why [...]

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this martyr alert spotted by randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in chico, california…

related: hostile takeover

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writes matt in los angeles: “i went to get some of the 2% milk i keep in our communal work fridge for my coffee, and BAM! — front and center was this lovely.”

related: and i’m singing “uh oh” on a friday night

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presumably, writes chris in san francisco, the note-writer “figured that if she didn’t put a note on all each offending bag, someone was going to feel left out.”

adds chris: “admittedly, the kashi cereal box in the back has been there for over two years.  i leave it just as an experiment in human behavior, but [...]

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writes joe in van nuys, california: “dave has been upset because people have been drinking his tea.  apparently, he was unaware of other potential daves in the office. next time, maybe he should clarify?”

related: who’s the smartass?

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writes michael in st. louis: “i’ve tried my best to figure out the logic behind writing this note and then putting the salami back in the fridge, rather than simply throwing it away…” but so far, no luck. in any case, he says, “i’m glad that it’s been saved it for posterity, so it could [...]

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sigh. half the people in your department just got pink-slipped, your 401(k) is worth shit, and now, just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse…they’re coming for your muffin, too.
all in the name of shareholder value!

(leaked by sayf in greenwich, connecticut.)
related: lean cuisine
extra credit: morgan stanley cancels christmas, jobs [dealbreaker]

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the tenth-floor kitchen at this office has no fewer than ten of these painstakingly laminated, clip-art-covered notes — and our anonymous submitter says this kitchen is only the tip of the iceberg.
“nearly all of the notes in our office receive the same attention to detail,” our submitter says. “every time i come to work i [...]

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our anonymous submitter spotted these notes in the shared kitchen of a “professional building” — one our submitter says is full of shrinks. perhaps one of them could deduce whether “i.e. me” fits the DSM’s criteria for a diagnosis…or whether she’s just having a little trouble with her latin.

related: eau dear
extra credit: “food odors [...]

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like this phrase, there are a few irritating little pieces of clip art that keep popping up in submissions over and over again. hovering somewhere near the top of most-wanted list is this pouty little white-gloved dandy.
from the factories of pittsburgh…

…to the cube-farms of virginia, this perspiring misanthrope has been spreading his message of intolerance [...]

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spotted by sarah in minneapolis…

related: take out of box, place directly in toilet 

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a possibly prescient note from the offices of yahoo! u.k….

related: just in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm

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after noticing a tell-tale crisper sleeve in the garbage, charlie in new york spotted this helpful directive on the office fridge.

(though if you ask jim gaffigan, the thief was really doing the guy a favor.)
related: i swear this isn’t some kind of viral marketing campaign

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joe in northern virginia has amassed a pretty divine collection of office fridge notes over the years, the best of which portend various forms of karmic/economic/physical retribution.

related: it must have been a pretty big bite 

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nobody likes it when food goes missing from the office fridge, but one v8-drinking facilities staffer in savannah, georgia wanted to make her displeasure a bit more official.

adds our anonymous submitter: “as you can see, the pest control department took appropriate action.”

related: if the TSA was in charge of the office fridge? 

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this just in: starving unborn children aren’t the only casualties of office fridge lunch thievery. as one anonymous new yorker reports, now the sick and the infirm are being picked off, too!

(thank you kindly? best wishes? hungry on the 12th floor, you kill me.)

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our anonymous submitter spotted this note posted by a coworker on the office fridge. when asked about the note, this coworker described himself as someone “with a penchant for an orderly universe and a strong desire to see food mingle.” um, okay.

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a staff-all email from an anonymous submitter in seattle…

what’s muscle milk, you ask? well, say its makers, “muscle milk is arguably america’s favorite protein.” apparently because unlike, say, chicken, muscle milk comes in flavors like “egg nog,” “chocolate banana crunch” and “root beer float.”
related: try a bite 

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