Entries Tagged as 'office fridge'

Do you pocket like it’s hot?

October 23rd, 2012 · 108 Comments

If the consequences of eating a Hot Pocket aren’t enough to deter you from buying them, you should know that storing them in your freezer at work or school is still a risky proposition. (And no, Snoop won’t be there to back you up.)

Exhibit a) Spotted by Anna in Oakland, California:

Dear Hot Pocket Eater: How can you eat three boxes of hot pockets in less than a week?? Especially when the food in question does not belong to you!! I will be going to bed hungry because you ate all my hot pockets. IF YOU DIDN'T BUY THE FOOD, DON'T EAT IT. Some of us have jobs to buy our own food. Thanks for wasting an hour's worth of work, scum.

Exhibit b) Spotted by Diana in Green Bay, Wisconsin:

To the Hot Pocket thief: I hope you are happy that you have now stolen a pregnant

Exhibit c) Spotted by David in Austin, Texas:

Please read the labels on food. Someone ate my lean pocket & I'm hungry now. -Thanks JJ

Exhibit d) Spotted by Charlie in New York:

To whoever ate my Lean Pockets: This picture should help when you go to the store to replace them

Exhibit e) Spotted by Angie in Atlanta, with apologies for the blurriness:

To the Person who stole my lean pockets. Yours must be a truly unfortunate life to steal from someone currently receiving food stamps from the gov't because their current wage is insufficient to cover their living expenses, tuition, and food. I will now go hungry today as I'm at the limit of my budget for this week. It is my sincere wish that you burn in a lake of boiling cheese and ham not dissimilar to those found in my leanpockets. There you would dwell for a thousand years, with your skin constantly regenerating so that you can feel it being burned off your body yet again. Sincerely, Lean Pocket Less TL;DR I hate you.

(Delicious, you say? Michelle? Is that you?) And lastly…

Exhibit f) From Princeton, New Jersey:

To whom it may concern: It's not a hard concept: If you DID NOT put it in the Fridge, DO NOT take it out! Leave my Lean Pockets ALONE. [Response:] I am so sorry, but your Lean Pockets are so savory and irresistible. They call to me in my dreams. IN MY DREAMS, I SAY! I know it is wrong to covet another's frozen, microwaveable, turnover-like lunch entree filled with a delicious combination of meat, cheese and vegetables. But life moves so fast-and Lean Pockets know this. But do you know the dark pleasure of a forbidden Lean Pocket? Oh, it must be experienced. Take care; once you start down this path of frozen, microwaveable delights, it is hard to go back. BTW, the pretzel bread variety is my favorite. I'm just sayin'-in case you want to stock up.

related: Hot Pockets are the car radios of the communal freezer

Tags: guilt trip · have a nice day · office fridge · preggers · stealing · thanks (but not really) · TL;DR

Which is more annoying?

September 20th, 2012 · 34 Comments

This bullshit, from an office in Baltimore?

Really! An empty pizza box left in the fridge? Really, you'd think the person who stole my pizza would have better manners and would throw away the box!

Or the unused-microwave-time version, from Claire’s office in Columbus, Ohio?

Really! You wouldn't eat 3 blueberries and throw the container away??

related post:

The Breakroom Nibbler

Tags: food · garbage · office fridge · pizza

Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 Comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing

Missing: Red Gatorade. Answers to the name “Wally.”

August 6th, 2012 · 23 Comments

“People steal other people’s food and drink so often in my office that security put up a notice,” says our submitter in Florida. “Apparently, the sign isn’t working.”

Instead, the notes left by the victims have turned into an ongoing office-wide joke.

DID YOU TAKE A RED GATORADE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Do the right thing and replace it...or else!

And the latest contribution…

Missing: Red Gatorade. Cold, Refreshing, Thirst Quenching. Last seen inside the breakroom fridge. Answers to the name Wally. Hopefully picked up by accident. If you know where my Gatorade is,

related: Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

Tags: beverages · note wars · office fridge · smartass · stealing

Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

June 14th, 2012 · 20 Comments

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie.

To the person who is stealing and eating cheese sticks that are not his or hers. STOP! Did you buy them? No. Solution: Go to the store and get your own. You can't be that hungry. If you are, gnaw the face off a homeless man.

(The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”)

related: Who moved my cheese?

Tags: cheese · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

Debbie downed ’er

March 4th, 2012 · 53 Comments

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie…what are we going to do with you? Your coworkers seem a bit incensed.

Not Debbie's

Don’t worry, Deb — this one’s all yours

 

related: Especially Deborah

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · food · Hawaii · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

Happy National Sandwich Day!

November 3rd, 2011 · 80 Comments

Would you care to furnish the last line of this haiku?

Who stole my sandwich! (Could it be the) SANDWICH THIEF!!

related: Sandwich guilt

extra credit: Lunch Bugs Anti-Theft Sandwich Bags

Tags: food · London · office fridge · smartass · stealing

When refrigerators speak

October 9th, 2011 · 62 Comments

THE LINE BREAKS

ON THIS NOTE

MAKE ME WANT…….TO

PUNCH SOMEONE

Hi everybody I am a refrigerator if you have noticed I like to be clean so please don't leave you lunch from last week inside me as I will make you pay if it is missing don't come ask me where it is but ask yourself should I have taken it with me (just a thought I was told I am not a storage shed for exotic foods) with love.........the refrigerator

related: Everything you hate about office culture, in one note.

Tags: anthropomorphism · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · runaway run-on sentences · signed with love · Wisconsin · You call that punctuation?

On the next episodes of Hoarders…

April 6th, 2011 · 44 Comments

Many months ago, one of our submitter’s coworkers decided to fortify the entire office freezer with family-sized bricks of monosodium glutamate.

(Was there an amazing “buy 20, get one free” special at Wal-Mart? Is someone filming a processed-foods version of Super Size Me? Or just stocking up for the End Times?) Whatever the reason, this person made very clear (via post-it note) that these frozen delights were not for general consumption, thanks.

Finally, after months had gone by with no obvious signs of attrition on the Banquet line, another coworker decided to add a defiant note of protest (which in turn spurred a third note, from the office smartass.) Sadly, the real question (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FROZEN — WHY????) remains unanswered.

1. Please do NOT take these dinners. Thanks. 2. Why not! You don't seem to use them. 3. Don't worry the last time I stole them they SUCKED!

related: Please remove the rabbit carcasses from this freezer

Tags: Colorado · food · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing

What, no padlock?

January 9th, 2011 · 116 Comments

“Our receptionist is uber-paranoid about her stuff getting stolen, despite the fact that we are one of the rare offices where fridge theft isn’t a problem,” writes our anonymous submitter in South Carolina. “Though I’d be too scared to do it myself — the woman has a very nasty, underhanded side — I love that someone else decided to have a little fun with her.”

[Note 1:] Every thing in this drawer belongs to Elaine. Do NOT use or steal anything in here - It is for me - Elaine [Note 2:] Everything else in this refrigerator belongs to everybody else. It belongs to everybody else. Thank you, Everybody Else

related: Who’s the smartass?

Tags: most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · office fridge · smartass