“Our department head thought we should be be bringing in doughnuts more often,” says our anonymous submitter in Illinois. One of the department’s “severely underpaid” underlings, meanwhile, thought otherwise.

UPDATE: For those of you asking “But where’s the ridiculous clip art?!” I bring you this rather dashing toreador/sheriff (as spotted by Mel in the break room [...]

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Sadly, not everyone shares Angela’s compassion for the portly.
At Julie’s office in Alexandria, Virginia, one employee decided to formalize his or her grudge against artificial sweeteners (and us fatties who love them) with a little help from the reception desk label-maker. Protests Julie: “Hey, some of us just like our sucralose, okay? Or maybe we’re [...]

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Writes our anonymous submitter in Minneapolis: “I received this note — and accompanying tater tots — from a co-worker (a balding, 40-year-old male) who had been making false reports about me to our manager and was caught doing so.” (We’re talking hardcore, premeditated sabotage here, so calling himself “a bit of a jerk” was probably [...]

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Writes James in Chesterfield, Virginia: “Poor Fayette didn’t know that you must remove staples before feeding paper into the copier. Even though she is 70 years old and always brings fresh brownies on Fridays for everyone in the office, someone still felt the need to publicly (and anonymously) humiliate her.”
You know, because a simple “the [...]

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Who needs a water cooler? Nothing fosters “community” like shared networked printers! Need proof?
First up, an anonymous submission from a cubicle farm in Rochester Hills, Michigan. (Not pictured, our submitter says: two additional copies of the same “Pomptly” note to the left and right of the original.)

And from Illinois…

From Omaha, Nebraska…

(And from Brooklyn…and just about [...]

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Perhaps Dirty Lady #2 got an office job?

related: the most disgusting thing is a nasty lady

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With morale at many companies coasting towards all-time lows, those peppy human resources specialists keep coming up with new budget-conscious ways to keep us worker bees happily humming along. To wit: “Popcorn Thursday.” Sounds like a total blast, right?

Meanwhile, an anonymous post-it writer in Denver speaks up for how employees really feel about these “morale [...]

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A helpful reminder: When talking shit about your coworker (like “E”) via e-mail, you (unlike “C”) probably want to be extra sure you don’t confuse “fwd” with “reply all.” Just a thought!

related: why facebook is so gonna get you fired

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Our anonymous submitter in Dallas says this randomly showed up one day on the bulletin board at work with no further explanation, leaving everyone to puzzle over the notewriter’s intended motive. (To hurt? To edify? It boggles the mind!)

related: oh, the irony

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Spotted by Kirk at “a very high-end consulting firm” in Washington, D.C.
Classy, right?

related: suck on this

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Back in my college newspaper days, the pizzas in the back room always ended up, by the end of the night, completely decimated — some slices had the cheese picked off, others had the crusts nibbled away, and then those slices were oh-so-charitably left in the pizza box, presumably with the idea that some other, [...]

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Writes Leslie in London: “Janine was having some serious keyboard RAGE and posted this request to our office’s online help desk…which every single person in the company can see…including Daniel.”

This post is dedicated to my cube-mate Leah, who recently received a surprise “gift” — a quiet-touch keyboard — from our boss, which succeeded in making [...]

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Today’s post is dedicated to the dirty minds in the department of double entendres. (Hey there, commenters!)
The first note, as spotted by Dana in San Francisco, needs no further introduction.

Next up: Michelle in Orlando says this note was posted on the employee mailboxes at the theme park where she works. “Our uniforms include a vest [...]

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Who knew? Apparently, every office has at least one person with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall.
From Florida:

From Georgia:

From a hospital (!) in Washington, D.C.

And another hospital in Pennsylvania:

from utah:

From Montana:

From California:

from Minnesota:

from Texas:

from ohio:

And even in Denmark:
[Submitter Latrine's rough translation: won't you be kind and wipe your boogers [...]

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Even more dangerous than friending your parents on Facebook?  Friending a) your boss and b) the cubicle-mate you kinda can’t stand.
exhibit a)

exhibit b)

exhibit c)

exhibit d) via “the internet”

related: busted by facebook
extra credit: study says facebook is like totally ruining your life …and gonna get you fired [mashable]

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This is one of those notes I’ve spent far too long puzzling over. The frustratingly random capitalization, the misuse of/missing punctuation, the center justification, and of course, THE BOX. WHY THE BOX?

Sir/ma’am, I will gladly supply you with as many Baby Ruths as you can stuff down your gullet if you can reconstruct the thought [...]

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I didn’t think office sign illustration could get more gratuitous than this guy, but then Corinna in Seattle came through with this.

(Add a few hand-drawn penises and you’ve got yourself a Perez Hilton special!)
related: maybe next time you should try power point?

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Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”

Meanwhile, [...]

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This (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)
It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — [...]

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Spotted by our anonymous (and uninvolved) submitter on the office bulletin board at a “super mega corp” in Columbus, Ohio…where apparently a vegan “safe space” is, um, kind of in order (sob).

related: p.s. bacon is life
extra credit: Passive-aggressive vegan grocery cashier, a day in the life [McsSweeneys]
P.S. Like this post? See more like this by [...]

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Our anonymous submitter in Ontario, Canada found this note in the office lunch area. Apparently, the water in the office cooler had been going like crazy until the new pay-per-sip policy was enacted.
“While people were willing to pay,” our submitter says, “whoever was changing the bottles was not doing it as often as before the [...]

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Our anonymous submitter found this on his keyboard at work one morning. His sheepish explanation? “I guess I really get into the music on my iPod…”
Admittedly, the note-writer has a point — that shit is annoying, yo! — but the contrarian in me still thinks the rest of the office needs to chip in and [...]

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Spotted above the office “water cooler” by “Josh” in Boston…

related: and all the pieces matter

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Two words: missing tarantula.

Mascara-borrowing roommate.

Just pathetic.

related: just another picture to burn

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our anonymous submitter in tel aviv spotted this note outside the kitchenette of a client’s office. in case your hebrew is a little rusty, she also provided an english translation:
please feel free to pour drinks, cut up food, warm things through, stir and mix food, chop food up very small, taste things and eat until [...]

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