Entries Tagged as 'oh no you didn’t'
The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the Adrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt).
It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory: ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”
Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”
related: And women like u wonder why u get judged and labeled shallow
Tags: Facebook · just an asshole · just not that into you · oh no you didn't · spurned lover · TL;DR · U.K.
Our Bay-Area submitter returned from lunch one day to find this note from an anonymous concerned coworker.
“I’ll admit that I’ve gained about 15 pounds recently,” she says. However, “At 4’11 and normally around 95 pounds, even with the extra 15 I’m still within an acceptable weight range for my height.” But the real kicker, says our submitter?
“I’m also 5 months pregnant. I just haven’t made a big deal about it by talking incessantly about it or demanding special treatment like I’m God’s gift to the world just because I got myself knocked up.”
(So, uh, I think that’s a no, she won’t be seeing you there.)
related: I am beautiful, not matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)
Tags: "helpful" advice · Bay Area · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2010 · office · oh no you didn't · preggers · smiley · the best of intentions
Katie in Oklahoma City was cleaning out a box of wedding memorabilia when she rediscovered this note from her mother, written just after she paid for Katie’s wedding dress.
Although I know a lot of brides who would have immediately ripped this card (and the enclosed check) to bits, Katie accepted the gift with impressively good humor. “I found it funny,” she says, “because it’s just the way my Mom is. She signed my Dad’s name too, but it’s from her…just her.”
“Oh, and just FYI,” Katie adds, “I think I weighed 115 pounds at the time this note was written.”
related: Loose lips shrink hips?
extra credit: We hope there’s a Borg scale for every bride! [LIFE magazine, 1961]
Tags: "helpful" advice · a little insensitive · hey fatty · Moms & Dads · money · most popular notes of 2010 · Mother-daughter notes · oh no you didn't · Oklahoma · signed with love · weddings and bridezillas
“My 1-year-old likes to play with hair when she’s sleepy,” writes Michelle in Columbia, South Carolina…a habit which apparently didn’t go over so well at day care with the fair-haired Ms. Linda. [Hahahaha RAGE BLACKOUT emoticon!!!!]
related: We talked about the “stabbing” incident yesterday.
Tags: Columbia · guilt trip · hair · kids · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't · South Carolina · visual aids
Writes James in Chesterfield, Virginia: “Poor Fayette didn’t know that you must remove staples before feeding paper into the copier. Even though she is 70 years old and always brings fresh brownies on Fridays for everyone in the office, someone still felt the need to publicly (and anonymously) humiliate her.”
You know, because a simple “the copier is broken” would leave just too many unanswered questions.
related: Graham, this means you
Tags: office · oh no you didn't · Virginia
“Oh boy,” thought Emily in New York, when she saw this mini-drama unfold on her newsfeed. “I can’t even imagine; if my dad found out that I was engaged via Facebook, there would be hell to pay.” (Luckily, she says, “my dad has no idea how to use Facebook, or as he calls it, ‘the Face Space.’”)
Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Austin, “I knew my brother and sister-in-law were debating another baby, and I was quite aggravated to think this is how I was going to find out.” But instead…
related: Why you really shouldn’t be facebook friends with your parents
Tags: Facebook · family · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't
As previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.
As it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!
For example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.
Quickly, however, things start to get very un-p.c. (And also…very creepy.)
This version, in fact, is almost as popular as the original. (Other examples here and here and here and here and here and…is that a machete?)
Child slavery? Now that’s comedy gold. But really, why stop there? Why not “unattended children will be trafficked into child prostitution”? “Unattended children will be sold to pedophiles”? Or anally probed? or…
related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry
Tags: kids · kinda creepy · most popular notes of 2009 · oh no you didn't · retail hell
K, so Court in Michigan met this guy out at a bar. He seemed harmless enough, but Court knew right he wasn’t her type. Still, she didn’t have the heart to give him a flat-out “no” when he asked for her number. (She couldn’t give him a fake one, either, ’cause he the did the “dial his number into the phone and call” thing.)
Says Court: “The first time he called, I talked to him and decided right then I definitely wasn’t interested.” By the end of the conversation, she figured he’d gotten the message…but then he kept calling. And then, texting. When she didn’t respond, Court says, “I assumed he’d take the hint…but I’m not too sure he did.” Um, yeah, you could say that.
related: Not a match
Tags: casual sexism · just not that into you · Michigan · oh no you didn't · spurned lover · text message · unsolicited feedback
Evan in San Diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift shop. “I particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the Spanish translation,” Evan adds. “It’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”
related: When nature calls
Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!
Tags: Espanol · guilt trip · oh no you didn't · questionable logic · retail hell · San Diego · stealing
I’m having a hard time deciding who in this group of geniuses most deserves a smack in the head first. To make it easier, I’m going to tell myself that Krystal is using some new kind of ironic dialect of homophone-swapping slang. And Jennalyn…well, her name is Jennalyn, and therefore I think it’s safe to assume she’s gotten the short end of the stick so far in life, so she gets a pass. But the other three?
P.S. Notice the date! (tear)
related: Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your facebook profile
Tags: breakup · ex drama · Facebook · kids today · oh no you didn't