Fun fact: according to a Pew Research report, 30% of young adults have pretended to be using their phone in order to avoid interacting with the people around them.

If you’re one of them, here’s a head’s up: Your awkward penguin moves aren’t gonna help you at Gestalt Haus in San Francisco.

Adds our submitter, Carly: “Even though I bought plenty of beer while I was there, I still felt like I needed to make eye contact with the bartender when coming out of the pisser. And that gets a little awkward after a while.”

related: Drip-dry only, ladies

And here you thought your neighbors were assholes for dumping your dry laundry on a table.

Kita in Alberta particularly enjoyed the fact that this note — written on the back of a piece of wrapping paper — was stuck to the wall with a smiley-face Band-Aid.

related: Dear nice person who stole my laundry…

extra credit: “How nice are we?” [cbcnews.ca]

Kate in Melbourne caught a glimpse of this note from the street, and it looked so ridiculous that she snuck into the private lot to get a closer look. Adds Kate: “I imagine this person is quite popular with the neighbours.”

(By the way, Kate apologizes for the poor resolution of the photos; she only had her mobile phone with her at the time.)

related: Dear self-appointed parking cop: please direct your anger and self-righteousness elsewhere.

extra credit: This kid parallel parks better than I do [youtube]

Explains Haley in Canada: “My friend Laura took $20 from her dad’s wallet and left a note telling him she needed it for parking. When she got home later, she found this.”

Laura, I took a pair of your jeans to pay for bread and a few grams of cold cuts. Love, Dad (AKA; VP)

related: Dad holds the kitteh hostage

Two words: Team Fletcher!

related: Facebook is for frenemies

Just in case you were still under the impression that leaving an anonymous note will somehow allow you to maintain the moral high ground, take a look at this classic neighborly exchange from Drew‘s apartment building in Atlanta.

related: I hope your cat chokes

Apparently, your mother does work at the Clemson University computer lab. Now take some responsibility for yourself, child!

related: These yogurts are expired. What should we do?

I’d nominate all three of these for inclusion in the encyclopedia entry for “petty office debates.”

Exhibit a) From  San Francisco:

Exhibit b) From Jeron in Dallas:

Exhibit c) From Monterey, California:

related: Completely valid rebuttals

“Personally, I think all places should post this sign,” says Molly in Los Angeles.

These days, it appears a lot of cash register-operators agree with Molly (and the fancy shop in Studio City where she buys her cheese).

To wit: exhibit a, from Betsey in Sumter, S.C.

Exhibit b) spotted by Otto at a sandwich shop in Frisco, Colorado

And so on and so forth.

But I’d like to draw your attention to this piece,  spotted by Jenna at a Pathmark pharmacy in Bayshore, New York, as a true masterpiece of the genre. With just a few carefully crafted words, it transforms this common sentiment into the ultimate in shame-inducing passive-aggression.

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

We can’t all be Banksy, but sometimes all it takes is a small, well-placed bit of vandalism to brighten your day. Take this example from Emily in Philadelphia:

Or this one, spotted by Scott at a certain tech company headquarters in Mountain View, California:

Which leads me to wonder…are there really no smart-mouthed vandals in Portsmouth, New Hampshire (where Ian spotted this sign) ballsy enough to challenge this proclamation from the local ice rink?

related: who’s the smartass?