Explains Melissa in Virginia: “As many couples probably do, my fiancé and I have had an ongoing discussion about his propensity to leave cabinet doors and drawers open.” Melissa insists she’s not aggravated by the open cabinets — she just feels the need to bring the issue to his attention.

Then, last week, Melissa was thrilled to receive a beautiful flower arrangement at her office. “Then I opened the damn card!”

related: Really, though — carnations?

Our submitter, who works at a language school in France,  isn’t 100% sure which one of the managers posted this on the staff board. However, there is one person he can think of who “has a fondness for long patronizing notes when a simple ‘please close the door’ would do.”

(just click the photo to enlarge)

related: Ceci n’est pas une porte

An anonymous submitter discovered this lengthy explanation on the door of a head shop in Waldorf, Maryland.

Not surprisingly, it appears the head shop’s owners take a fairly relaxed attitude toward keeping their store open, and instead put heavy emphasis on maintaining a flexible work-life balance.

related: Before you ask…

When I read this landlord’s note…

…this is roughly the image that came to mind:

Anyone else?

related: And you thought college students were foul…

Our anonymous submitter didn’t catch the original note about “slaming [sic] the door,” but you can get a pretty good idea of what it said based on the carefully worded response from the recipient, John (who, like Dustin, simply isn’t aware of his own strength at times).

Meanwhile, this note, as seen by Felix in Atlanta, was clearly left by a neighbor without a law degree.

(I’m guessing a dog; cats are way more passive-aggressive.)

related: Door-slamming sign slam

Paul has lived in his apartment in Berlin for 15 months, but this note is the first time he’s heard a single complaint about his door. Especially annoying, Paul says, is the fact that it’s anonymous, “even though it could possibly have been written by only one of two people,” and that it’s written in English, “which most expats would consider an insult.”

Just another example of how — no matter smiley faces you sprinkle throughout — your oh-so-courteous anonymous note is probably just going to leave everyone more “pi**ed off.”

related: Wie bitte(r)?

extra credit: “Greetz” [urbandictionary.com]

Chris says this note was slipped under his apartment door  by one of his “typically passive-aggressive Seattle neighbors.” And no, he adds, he hadn’t noticed. Perhaps because the door was lacking in aggressively punctuated parenthetical statements!! (Homeowners dues??)

Personally, I am just luuurving the nice little call-and-response rhythm this note has got goin’ on. I eagerly await the OutKast “Rape Burgle Murder” remix!(!!)

related: Everyone: shut it

“The screen door to our block of flats is broken,” says our anonymous submitter in Australia, “which has provoked some rather unique responses from my fellow residents.”

(Just click the image below to enlarge)

related: But who’s counting?

Writes an anonymous New Yorker: “Our neighbors hate us because we are the youngest in the building. Thus, any malfunction that occurs in the building results in notes directed towards us. And yes, this note was a follow-up to another note (seen at left) also directed at us.”

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, kids!

related: infinite note project