Entries Tagged as 'flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens'

Sorry, I’m not an expert in con(ifer) law

August 25th, 2015 · 54 Comments

Since spotting this sign in her Seattle neighborhood, Bethany has been trying to imagine what sort of “legal issues” these pine trees could have created. Any ideas?

Sorry, I am not an expect in con(ifer) law

related: Grow some thicker bark

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors · Seattle

Twiney Sod, the demon gardener of Fleet Street

July 10th, 2015 · 29 Comments

As Sondheim said, there’s no place like London  (“filled with people who are filled with shit”) — and, not coincidentally, the home of this sign.

WARNING! A phantom twine cutter about. Yikes! An individual whom we can only describe as terribly sneaky, strange and quite possibly bored – has unfortunately decided to cut a bit of old green twine which was carefully holding up some droopy planting in our front garden :( alone the boundary fence. Surely something so simple and unoffensive (fence .. geddit ?!) shouldn't cause such a petty yet somewhat aggressive act to occur ?! You might yet even call it 'VANDALISM' ?? Yes. That's right! So, please keep a look out for the twiney snipper and keep loving your plants. STAY SAFE THIS PERSON MAY USE SCISSORS.

related: The orchid thief

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · London · TL;DR · warning

Bees?

March 27th, 2015 · 51 Comments

Says our submitter in Melbourne: “This one is just classic — even the mistakes are soooo typical!”

Dear Plant Theif, [sic] you may like to know that the plants in this garden are protected by a special flock of bees who will hunt down the nector [sic] of their stolen flowers, who will feed on your bits until they are returned to the garden.

related: The Orchid Thief

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · i before e · Melbourne · not-so-veiled threats

Hide Green Tomatoes!

September 18th, 2014 · 43 Comments

Emma in Canada spotted this very un-Canadian note today in her neighborhood.

Some asshole ate my ripe tomato - so now I have to eat my tomatoes not ripe to keep the their [sic] from enjoying months of watering + work. Don't steal any more JERK

Meanwhile, Christa in North Carolina apparently takes her ripe tomatoes quite seriously, too.

Steal from our garden again & I'll cut your fucking head off. K thanks bye! XOXO Christa

related: Attack of the tomato killers!

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · stealing · xoxo

The taking tree

July 10th, 2014 · 54 Comments

Our submitter lives in a group of eight cottages in Alameda, California. She writes: “One of my neighbors, Mark, has a lemon tree and he always tells everyone to ‘Help themselves!’ However, last week, someone took the last lemon — which really upset Mark. A couple hours later, we noticed what looked like a peach on the lemon tree.”

The Taking Tree

related: The right to bear fruit

Tags: California · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors

Another year without the Great Pumpkin

October 17th, 2013 · 44 Comments

Well, it’s that time of year again…time for heartless hooligans to smash pumpkins (and with them, the hearts of small, gourd-loving children).

David in California spotted this sign next to a small field of corn and pumpkins located next to a popular public jogging trail.

Whoever stole the Big Pumpkin you broke a little boy's heart

related: It’s hard out there for a pumpkin.

Tags: California · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Halloween · stealing · Won't somebody think of the children?

The story of STUPID CAT

September 19th, 2013 · 87 Comments

Before you cry “FAKE!” — I would have filed this away in the “too-good-to-be-true,” pile, had not Deniz in Ontario stepped forward to admit that he is the mad man behind this posters. Explains Deniz: “I made this flyer because I had had enough of this STUPID CAT wrecking my flowers and window screen, but in the end all it accomplished was making my boyfriend think I was crazy. Oh, and I put my real phone number on it (stupid).”

I’ve gotta say, Deniz, you had me at “photo of similar looking cat.” This is my favorite crazypants submission in a long, long time.

WHOSE STUPID CAT IS THIS??? (photo of similar looking cat)  If you know whose STUPID CAT this is, contact 705-XXX-XXXX with information.  Your stupid female grey and cream cat with a PINK collar keeps squashing my plants and ATTACKING my window screen to bug my well behaved indoor cat.  PLEASE do something about your STUPID CAT or I WILL NOT BE NICE.

Adds Deniz: “The STUPID CAT still remains at large. I have given up on planting flowers.”

related: Beware of barking mad cat lovers!

Tags: cats · crazypants · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2013 · Ontario

Hotheads & potheads

September 18th, 2013 · 23 Comments

Move it along, stoners…

This is a Hibiscus plant Do not cut! This is not a marijuana plant! Cutting anymore from this irreplaceable plant will KILL it!

And while you’re at it…

This is my pot. Wash it NOW.

(Thanks to Cindy in Spokane and Anonymous in Queens submitting!)

related: Yo, hemphead!

Tags: dishes · drugs · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens

The Considerate Thief

July 2nd, 2013 · 42 Comments

Chelsea in Canada was biking past her neighbo(u)r’s lawn when she saw this sign, and the sheer Canadian-ness of it made her laugh so hard she nearly fell off her bike. (Chelsea then apologized to her handlebars, the asphalt, and the world in general before snapping this photo and continuing, politely, on her way.)

Happy Belated Canada Day, everyone!

If you steal our rhubarb, pull the root out with the stem. When you chop the stem at the base, the rhubarb doesn't grow back. Please be a considerate thief.

related: Canadian is Angry; Still Says “Thank You”

 

Tags: Canada · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · most popular notes of 2013 · painfully polite · stealing

With some fava beans and a nice Chianti

June 9th, 2013 · 24 Comments

“It would appear my co-worker is sensitive to her plant being moved,” writes Claire in the U.K.

Move this plant and i will eat your liver. Love Jess xx

Meanwhile, in New York…

To the person that leaves a disgusting mess on the seat. If you don't stop, this person will find you and eat your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. So cut it out!

And in Baltimore…

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH This is BBQ HUMAN meat and by eating this you are admitting to the office that you are a cannibal

related: Pigs do not eat bacon

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · moving/not moving · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · toilet