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Entries Tagged as 'pleasantries as afterthought'

And what’s the magic word?

August 4th, 2011 · 27 Comments

From a frat house in Denton, Texas…

STAY THE FUCK OUT Please

to an alley in Sydney, Australia…

Do not throw rubbish here [fucker!!!] PLEASE

back to a dorm room in Richmond, Virginia…

Please - DON'T SLAM THE FUCKING DOOR -thanks :)

…the notion of “minding your manners” takes a few somewhat compromising turns along the way.

related: Please, body hair is unsanitary (source: webmd.com)

Tags: college life · door-slamming · fratboys · garbage · pleasantries as afterthought · pointlessly self-censored profanity

“You gave me an F? I’m reporting you to the FDA!”

January 25th, 2011 · 54 Comments

Near the start of the semester, a classmate (or, rather, a former classmate) of our submitter sent this this huffy message of “warm regards” to everyone on the course listserv. ”I guess someone doesn’t know how to unsubscribe from Yahoo Groups,” our submitter says. “Instead, by posting this message, she ‘flooded’ all of our inboxes.” And that is not a good thing.

I, for one, would LOVE to see this girl’s complaint to the FCC. I envision a bright future for her writing blustery cease & desist letters as an attorney-at-LOL until retiring to concentrate on angry letters to the editor.

Dear Class, Something came up and I have to quit the class. Please stop flooding my box with emails and get me out of this class and please do regard this letter and stop flooding me with emails. Or I will report you to the FCC and that is not a good thing. Thank you. With the Warmest Regards, [Redacted]

related: Be informed; Homeland Security will be.

Tags: college life · Pennsylvania · pleasantries as afterthought · WTF?

A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”

January 5th, 2011 · 71 Comments

Dan in Melbourne says he saw this sign while riding along a North Fitzroy bike path, which runs parallel to a park. Says Dan: “Now, I’ve owned a dog and I know how they like to roll in stinky things, but this it taking it to a new, super gross level.”

More gross than your dog rolling in/eating some other dog’s shit? Or stepping in a fresh pile of it yourself? I’m not sure I’m convinced. (Not that humans should be exempt from proper poop-scooping etiquette, of course.)

COLOSTOMY BAGS!! DO NOT DUMP IN PARK! DOGS GET INTO THEM! THE CONTENTS OF YOUR BOWELS GET INTO OUR HOUSES! -SORRY FOR YOUR AILMENT, BUT THIS IS TOO YUCK.

Personally, I’d like to imagine this as a triumphant act of payback on the part of a score-settling colon cancer survivor. (“This is for all the times I’ve stepped in your dogs’ crap. Enjoy!!”)

related: Do you want a doggy bag?

Tags: dogs · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Melbourne · pleasantries as afterthought · shit · that's disgusting · Too good to be real?

Please stop feeding the homeless

December 8th, 2010 · 247 Comments

Now, our submitter Kenny doesn’t want to you to get the wrong idea about his buddy Lamar. Yes, Lamar drives an old church van, but he works at a piercing parlor — he’s not the kind of rabble-rouser who’d go around doing things like, say, “feeding the hungry.”

Apparently, however, one of Lamar’s neighbors in the Little Five Points neighborhood of Atlanta saw the van and concluded otherwise — leaving behind this disapproving note for him to meditate on.

PLEASE STOP FEEDING THE HOMELESS IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD. YOU ARE DOING HARM TO Those of us Who live here. Take it to your on backyard. Thank you + Please —

related: Find somewhere else to sleep and piss

extra credit: Donate to the Metro Atlanta Task Force for the Homeless via PayPal

Donate to the National Alliance to End Homelessness via PayPal

Tags: Atlanta · heartwarming compassion · irregular capitalization · mistaken identity · NIMBY · pleasantries as afterthought · questionable logic · the homeless · there goes the neighborhood · WTF?

There are crazy people out there, you know

March 26th, 2010 · 177 Comments

“We custom-ordered some stamps with our youngest daughter’s face on it to mail birthday party invitations,” writes Pablo in Virginia. “There were extras, so we used them to pay some bills.” Apparently, one of those envelope recipients found this small act of thrift somewhat less than adorable.

Dear Tenant, This postage stamp is an outrage! If this is in fact your daughter or if you have any relation to this child, Alexis...do you realize you're exploiting her to the public? You stuck a picture of a child on an envelope with your return address...Anyone could get a hold of this and do god knows what...there are crazy people out there you know! You should think twice before flaunting your child to the world. Have a lovely day, God bless.

Adds Pablo: “The creepy part? This note was deposited in our mailbox anonymously, making us think the real crazy person is the author.”

related: Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

Tags: crazypants · going postal · kids · kinda creepy · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · pleasantries as afterthought · Virginia

The half-donut bandit

October 28th, 2009 · 203 Comments

As we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.

While the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from Omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. I’d also be interested to see his advice for Mike in Cleveland, who seems to have similar delusions about the health impact of eating 9 donuts instead of 10.

(click the image below to enlarge)

passivaggressivenotes.com:

The kicker? As it turns out, according to our anonymous submitter,”the bandit was, in fact, a guy!”

related: Just take the whole slice next time, okay?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · food · office · pleasantries as afterthought

Nutranot-so-sweet

July 27th, 2009 · 196 Comments

Writes Emily in Austin: “In the notewriter’s defense, this machine has also given me regular Coke when I have pressed ‘Coke Zero’ on many an occasion,  so when I saw this note, I thought I had figured it out. If I wanted Coke Zero, I just had to push the button for regular Coke. (I did…and it gave me regular Coke. Bitch!”) Meanwhile, on top of the machine was a can of Diet Coke and a can of Coke Zero with a note saying: ‘NOT Coke!’ After I took the picture, of course I took that Coke Zero and drank it.”

To: Coke Machine Person

Diet Coke just can’t get no love…certainly not in Williamsburg, Virginia, as Grace from D.C. discovered.

Repent, Coke Guy, Repent!

related: the real thing

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Coke · Diet Coke · pleasantries as afterthought · vending machine drama · you're like so going to hell

The Candyman Can’t

March 13th, 2009 · 155 Comments

“One morning last summer,” writes Stephanie in Illinois, “my brother and I arrived at the company where we worked to find these notes posted to the candy vending machine. (Mind you, it was 8:45 a.m.) Apparently, the man who fills the vending machines — a.k.a ‘Mr. Candyman’ — had failed to restock the machine for a week, and the ladies of the office had had enough.”

I mean, really. we’re talking about a serious breach of the social contract here, people!

A [sic] Empty Machine is Unaceptable [sic]! Mr. Candyman, you did not keep your WORD! This machine has been empty since Tues last week.

Stephanie and I were both particularly tickled by the the “gas prices” note at top right. (“What does that even mean?” she wonders.)

Gas prices are high but that doesn't do much when our stomach starts to growl!! Hungry!!

Meanwhile, Lisa in Nashville spotted this note posted on the vending machine in the studio arts building at Vanderbilt University. “There had been many previous notes asking (nicely) for more Twizzlers,” Lisa says, but as desperation set in, at least one distraught staff member decided to get lyrical on Candyman’s ass.

Candyman, oh candyman...,Where have you gone? The twizzler slot is empty. Oh yes, we have none. What burden we bear, what sadness we hold, for we thought twizzlers we soon would behold.

related: The Pepsi Challenge

Tags: candy · food · Illinois · office · pleasantries as afterthought · questionable logic · raging against the machine · sad face · spelling and grammar police · vending machine drama

What’s black, white and totally over?

December 11th, 2008 · 101 Comments

From Canberra…

The Chronicle is unsolicited litter. Its removal is the sole responsibility of the Canberra Times and its agents.

To London…

NO READING PLEASE

To Washington, D.C….

NO MORE DAMN PAPERS (PLEASE)

…it seems like one thing everyone can agree on is the total obsolescence of print media.

(sigh)

related: Love, apt. #3

Tags: Australia · Canberra · D.C. · newspaper · pleasantries as afterthought

In other words…move it along, Grandma!

October 22nd, 2008 · 62 Comments

Both of these signs would have gotten their points across perfectly well in just a few words…but the true passive-aggressive always knows how to convey his or her true meaning with just one more choice phrase.

Exhibit a) from Paula in Logan, Utah:

PLEASE STOP STEALING OUR ROSES THANKS (SENIORS INCLUDED)

Exhibit b) spotted by my pal Brooke in Savannah, Georgia:

PRIVATE GARDEN Please enjoy the view from the street

related: That means you, Edith

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · lOWERCASE l · old folks · pleasantries as afterthought · Savannah · Utah