Entries Tagged as 'pleasantries as afterthought'

The half-donut bandit

October 28th, 2009 · 203 Comments

As we’ve noted here before, the white-collar nuisance known as the nibbler has been pathetically picking his (half)way through office kitchenettes across the land for some time now.

While the nibbler’s actions are usually met with disdain, one oh-so-compassionate office-worker from Omaha decided to take a different approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. I’d also be interested to see his advice for Mike in Cleveland, who seems to have similar delusions about the health impact of eating 9 donuts instead of 10.

(click the image below to enlarge)

passivaggressivenotes.com:

The kicker? As it turns out, according to our anonymous submitter,”the bandit was, in fact, a guy!”

related: Just take the whole slice next time, okay?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · food · office · pleasantries as afterthought

Nutranot-so-sweet

July 27th, 2009 · 196 Comments

Writes Emily in Austin: “In the notewriter’s defense, this machine has also given me regular Coke when I have pressed ‘Coke Zero’ on many an occasion,  so when I saw this note, I thought I had figured it out. If I wanted Coke Zero, I just had to push the button for regular Coke. (I did…and it gave me regular Coke. Bitch!”) Meanwhile, on top of the machine was a can of Diet Coke and a can of Coke Zero with a note saying: ‘NOT Coke!’ After I took the picture, of course I took that Coke Zero and drank it.”

To: Coke Machine Person

Diet Coke just can’t get no love…certainly not in Williamsburg, Virginia, as Grace from D.C. discovered.

Repent, Coke Guy, Repent!

related: the real thing

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Coke · Diet Coke · pleasantries as afterthought · vending machine drama · you're like so going to hell

The Candyman Can’t

March 13th, 2009 · 155 Comments

“One morning last summer,” writes Stephanie in Illinois, “my brother and I arrived at the company where we worked to find these notes posted to the candy vending machine. (Mind you, it was 8:45 a.m.) Apparently, the man who fills the vending machines — a.k.a ‘Mr. Candyman’ — had failed to restock the machine for a week, and the ladies of the office had had enough.”

I mean, really. we’re talking about a serious breach of the social contract here, people!

A [sic] Empty Machine is Unaceptable [sic]! Mr. Candyman, you did not keep your WORD! This machine has been empty since Tues last week.

Stephanie and I were both particularly tickled by the the “gas prices” note at top right. (“What does that even mean?” she wonders.)

Gas prices are high but that doesn't do much when our stomach starts to growl!! Hungry!!

Meanwhile, Lisa in Nashville spotted this note posted on the vending machine in the studio arts building at Vanderbilt University. “There had been many previous notes asking (nicely) for more Twizzlers,” Lisa says, but as desperation set in, at least one distraught staff member decided to get lyrical on Candyman’s ass.

Candyman, oh candyman...,Where have you gone? The twizzler slot is empty. Oh yes, we have none. What burden we bear, what sadness we hold, for we thought twizzlers we soon would behold.

related: The Pepsi Challenge

Tags: candy · food · Illinois · office · pleasantries as afterthought · questionable logic · raging against the machine · sad face · spelling and grammar police · vending machine drama

What’s black, white and totally over?

December 11th, 2008 · 101 Comments

From Canberra…

The Chronicle is unsolicited litter. Its removal is the sole responsibility of the Canberra Times and its agents.

To London…

NO READING PLEASE

To Washington, D.C….

NO MORE DAMN PAPERS (PLEASE)

…it seems like one thing everyone can agree on is the total obsolescence of print media.

(sigh)

related: Love, apt. #3

Tags: Australia · Canberra · D.C. · newspaper · pleasantries as afterthought

In other words…move it along, Grandma!

October 22nd, 2008 · 62 Comments

Both of these signs would have gotten their points across perfectly well in just a few words…but the true passive-aggressive always knows how to convey his or her true meaning with just one more choice phrase.

Exhibit a) from Paula in Logan, Utah:

PLEASE STOP STEALING OUR ROSES THANKS (SENIORS INCLUDED)

Exhibit b) spotted by my pal Brooke in Savannah, Georgia:

PRIVATE GARDEN Please enjoy the view from the street

related: That means you, Edith

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · lOWERCASE l · old folks · pleasantries as afterthought · Savannah · Utah

Where’s Anytime Stan when you need him?

August 13th, 2008 · 209 Comments

Sarah in Somerville, Mass. wasn’t fazed when she left her apartment one Saturday to find this otherwise “run-of-the-mill your-mother-doesn’t-live-here note”…until she rounded the corner and was greeted by photocopies of the same note taped to every available surface in the hallway.

Hey PIG! Clean up the mess you made in the elevator! Your mommy isn't going to clean it! This isn't a dorm! Be an Adult! Thanks

Then, the next day, another note appeared near the elevator…

was NOT us, but cleaned it up b/c we're SICK of being harrassed [sic] in our home!! call management if you have an issue next time, GROW UP!

…which had apparently been written on the back of yet another (more targeted) note:

The trail leads from the elevator to this corner. Clean your mess in the elevator + front hallway! Grow up + take Responsibility!

“In fairness,” Sarah says, “this whole thing really is gross, and now the lobby and the hallway — in addition to the elevator — smell of vomit. I’m just not sure why the first notewriter thought that spending $10 on copies was going to help.”

And lastly, Sarah adds:  “My mommy didn’t clean up my dorm, either.”

related: Going up?

Tags: elevator · grow up · pleasantries as afterthought · Somerville · vomit · Your mother doesn't...

And please don’t step on any cracks, either

April 16th, 2008 · 126 Comments

After six months of backpacking through Australia, my former roommate Robin stopped by her mom’s house on Long Island to unload her giant pack of souvenirs, leftover trail mix, and unwashed underwear. Her crucial mistake — besides the basic one: returning back home to mom as an adult — leaving an unopened can of planter’s peanuts on the floor of her room…within sight of her mom, who is, um, deathly allergic to peanuts.

The note she left was simple enough, but for Robin, the subtext was clear: “What, you’ve been back one day, and already you’re trying to kill me?”

PLEASE DO NOT EAT IN THE HOUSE THANKS MOM

“Honestly, I’m pretty surprised she didn’t add in ‘…OR I WILL DIE!!!’ at the end,” says Robin. “But the dirty looks I got from my stepdad the rest of the day basically said as much.” After getting a very thorough talking-to the next day about the finer points of washing cast-iron cookware, she decided it was definitely time to get her own place.

related: Cleaning party!

Tags: food · Moms & Dads · New York · pleasantries as afterthought

A friend of a friend is our enemy

February 7th, 2008 · 83 Comments

Tina is Los Angeles didn’t have any problem with her roommate‘s friend couchsurfing at their apartment for a month, but both she and her roomie started to get irked when the friend started inviting other friends to stay over — and then kept doing it, even after the roomie expressly asked her not to.

“The first friend we encountered killed one of my fish and put gum in my aquarium,” Tina says. When another friend-of-a-friend started “subtly and sarcastically deriding” their taste in fashion/entertainment/blah blah blah…well, the roommates decided enough was enough.

NOTE: Because of the discomfort associated with Lana, we (the residents of 305) have agreed that the best course of action is to NOT ALLOW LANA BACK INTO THE APARTMENT. This is NON-NEGOTIABLE. Her personal effects may be retreived [sic] by an approved person (Ashley). If the aforementioned is violated, law enforcement will be called to mediate the situation. Best wishes

related: Some suggestions for the comfort of your guest

Tags: excessive underlining · guests · Los Angeles · not-so-veiled threats · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates

And what’s your Christmas wish?

December 20th, 2007 · 105 Comments

Two heartwarming notes brimming with compassion and holiday cheer!

If you're found sleeping on this porch, we will not disturb you or ask you to leave...we'll just call the police and have them haul your homeless ass away...so find somewhere else to sleep and piss

If you dog continues to bark past midnight, I will break into your home, steal it, and feed the little fucker to the homeless on Pearl Street. Happy Holidays

related: a holiday wish

Tags: Boulder · Christmas · dogs · heartwarming compassion · holiday spirit · Los Angeles · piss · pleasantries as afterthought · the homeless

Get your own :)

December 9th, 2007 · 82 Comments

Individual cheese pizza with chicken, bacon, sun-dried tomato and feta cheese plus a side salad: $6.31. Addressing your note “to whom it may concern” when you only have one roommate? (You know the rest.)

get your own :)

(Thanks to Todd in Stillwater, Oklahoma for snapping the photo.)

related: you left evidence

Tags: college life · excessive underlining · Oklahoma · pizza · pleasantries as afterthought · roommates · smiley