PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » Facebook

More proof that Facebook is turning us all into narcissists

Kerry — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 21:23:52 +0000

Writes our submitter: “Last year Zaky changed the date of his birthday on Facebook just to test if anyone actually knew his real birthday. Nobody did, probably because he pulls crappy mind games like this. He did it again this year and it still didn’t work.”

I think Melissa (below) probably said it best: “Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?”

Our Lady of Passive-Aggression

Kerry — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 01:07:03 +0000

“My friend and her mother have little exchanges like this via Facebook all the time,” says our anonymous submitter. “It’s always lovely to get these little peeks into their relationship.”

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

“I’m not keeping track or anything, but you are being written out of the will.”

Kerry — Thu, 12 May 2011 01:38:25 +0000

Grandmas: they can kiss you on the cheek while punching you in the gut, and you’ll still write a thank-you note…or wish you had. BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE.

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

P.S. By the way, Grandma Cookie, I did call you at Palm Garden on Mother’s Day — three times — but you didn’t answer. But, um, Happy Mother’s Day?

Brake Check Reality Check

Kerry — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 03:41:12 +0000

Two words: Team Fletcher!

related: Facebook is for frenemies

What you’re missing by not befriending your Mom on Facebook

Kerry — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 12:00:27 +0000

DeeAnne recently received this postcard from her mother, who’s vacationing in Hawaii. “After regaling me with the usual tales of beautiful scenery and exotic fauna,” says DeeAnne, “she reminded me that if only I would succumb to her 10,000th ‘hint’ to accept her friend request on Facebook — note the double underline — I too would be able to glimpse paradise.”

And yet, “as you can see, she’s forgiving enough that she’s still willing to show them to me upon her return.” (Phew.)

extra credit: Saturday Night Live, “Mom’s on Facebook”

But…but…if your relationship was never public on Facebook, did it ever really exist?

Kerry — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 01:56:13 +0000

You can be sure our submitter wasn’t the only rubbernecking bystander on Facebook to feel pained by the awkwardness on display in this public wound-picking.

Dear “C”: A word of advice? Back away from your computer. Disconnect your WiFi. Channel your feelings into a Taylor Swift song or a six-pack or something. Unless, of course, you want to end up like this 20 years down the road…

What your Facebook “friends” are all secretly thinking about your whiny status updates

Kerry — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 19:29:52 +0000

…it just takes a true frenemy to actually say it.

Facebook: enabling your Mom to embarrass you in new and increasingly far-reaching ways!

Kerry — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 02:34:58 +0000

Writes Natalie in Pennsylvania: “My mother (who is unfortunately on Facebook) noticed that some of my extended family had wished my twin sister happy birthday but not me.”

Although Natalie herself couldn’t care less, her mother — “a master of both e-mail networking and Jewish guilt”— took it upon herself to write this e-mail and send it out everyone in the entire family. “And I mean EVERYONE,” Natalie says — “my cousins in Mexico got it!” [Face palm]

(If you can’t decipher the hideous font, mouse over the image for a translation.)

(What would Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield do? Find out in Sweet Valley High #144: Relative Intentions!)

It’s my pity party, and I’ll whine if I want to

Kerry — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 02:24:37 +0000

If I had to choose the one thing I hate most about Facebook, I think it would have to be how it’s normalized the narcissistic idea that the day you were born (and increasingly the entire week/month leading up to it) is somehow an annual event of earth-shattering importance…and (part two), how it has turned into a venue for people who share that idea to host their own pity parties, like so:

Of course, some of those people prefer the prematurely pissy approach — this message, for example, was apparently posted at 10:50 the day before her birthday:

But on Facebook, the “proactively setting the bar low” approach (as opposed to proactively setting the bar high) might yield better results…that is, if your friends still pity you enough to put with your juvenile bullshit.

Sorry to break it to you

Kerry — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 22:55:13 +0000

The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the The Adrian Mole Diaries : The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4 : The Growing Pains of Adrian MoleAdrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt: Now a major motion picture from Dimension Films starring Michael Cera (Random House Movie Tie-In Books)Youth in Revolt).

It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory: ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”

Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”

Because you’re not really knocked up ’til it’s validated by Web 2.0

Kerry — Fri, 21 May 2010 01:00:16 +0000

So, these two crazy kids (both of whom still live with their parents, according to our submitter), had a lil’ accident. A really exciting one! So exciting they decided the best way to share the news was en masse, via Facebook status update! So be excited for them, dammit!!!

related: Children are such a blessing.

Thanks for not buying me the Diaper Genie I registered for!!!

Your Facebook friends: just not that into you.

Kerry — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:29:25 +0000

Facebook: always there to remind you of all the fun you’re not having.

Well, looks like somebody dodged a bullet.

Kerry — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 00:00:25 +0000

Diaries, people. Pen and ink. Lock and key. Not on the Internet for everyone to see (and cringe over)!

related: dirty, dirty bridesmaids

…and “B” for Busted

Kerry — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:59:45 +0000

Pitchfork gave this performance by Patrick (“guy in a band”) and A (“friend of guy in band”) — a 7.2. Be sure to read from the bottom up!

related: perfect for each other