Entries Tagged as 'Facebook'

How many scientists does it take…

June 19th, 2012 · 37 Comments

Two unisex bathrooms; two crops of overly-educated office drones; one shared problem.

IT DOESN'T TAKE A BRAIN SURGENT TO CHANGE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL. SERIOUSLY... [Apparently, though, it takes a Scientist to spell Surgeon correctly.]

Women. Always something to complain about.

(Re: “You can do it with one hand!” Clearly, Natalie knows her audience.)

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “My dad is a bachelor and this is how he keeps his toilet paper…” [imgur]

Tags: battle of the sexes · Facebook · toilet paper

Another year older, but not necessarily wiser

March 30th, 2012 · 83 Comments

“When I saw the first post on Facebook, I thought it was a rather aggressive joke,” our submitter says. “Then I saw her response two days later, when only 45 people (yes, I counted) wished her a happy birthday on her wall.” What a tough world we live in! (sob)

Tuesday: "It's my birthday tomorrow I am expect a Facebook post from everyone. Thanks" Thursday: "Thanks to everyone who posted on my facebook wall for my birthday. I am disappointed in those of you who saw it was my birthday and did not post wishing me will, but I guess that that is the world we live in and I am coming to accept that in my 22 years of age. Thank you"

related: Facebook, a place for narcissists

Tags: birthday · Facebook · kids today · most popular notes of 2012

More proof that Facebook is turning us all into narcissists

October 23rd, 2011 · 67 Comments

Writes our submitter: “Last year Zaky changed the date of his birthday on Facebook just to test if anyone actually knew his real birthday. Nobody did, probably because he pulls crappy mind games like this. He did it again this year and it still didn’t work.”

I think Melissa (below) probably said it best: “Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?”

Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

Tags: Australia · birthday · Facebook

Our Lady of Passive-Aggression

September 27th, 2011 · 35 Comments

“My friend and her mother have little exchanges like this via Facebook all the time,” says our anonymous submitter. “It’s always lovely to get these little peeks into their relationship.”

Mom: Well, I know you didn't go to church to worship but I am very pleased to see you have at least been inside one since you got there. This is very pretty.

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

Tags: Facebook · guilt trip · Jesus · Mother-daughter notes

“I’m not keeping track or anything, but you are being written out of the will.”

May 11th, 2011 · 92 Comments

Grandmas: they can kiss you on the cheek while punching you in the gut, and you’ll still write a thank-you note…or wish you had. BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE.

[Grandma]: I have 7 Grandkids -- 3 grandkid-in-laws -- 5 great-grandkids -- THIS IS A MESSAGE TO ALL OF THE ABOVE --  I just wanted to remind you that I am the mother of your mother.  Without your mother YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE. I want you to know that I am NOT keeping track, but Christy [redacted] is the only one who remembered me on Mother's Day.  Our will is being adjusted as I speak.  Lots of Love...Nan

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

P.S. By the way, Grandma Cookie, I did call you at Palm Garden on Mother’s Day — three times — but you didn’t answer. But, um, Happy Mother’s Day?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Facebook · family · Grandma · guilt trip · Idaho · just a friendly reminder · Mother's Day · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love

Brake Check Reality Check

April 14th, 2011 · 175 Comments

Two words: Team Fletcher!

[Status update:] I bet if I breakchecked [sic] this old man behind me... His Kia would be fucked. Get off my ass grandpa... [Comment:] Maybe if you keep texting & driving the person in front of you will brake check YOU!

related: Facebook is for frenemies

Tags: cell phone · driving · Facebook · oh snap · Tampa · text message

What you’re missing by not befriending your Mom on Facebook

March 24th, 2011 · 68 Comments

DeeAnne recently received this postcard from her mother, who’s vacationing in Hawaii. “After regaling me with the usual tales of beautiful scenery and exotic fauna,” says DeeAnne, “she reminded me that if only I would succumb to her 10,000th ‘hint’ to accept her friend request on Facebook — note the double underline — I too would be able to glimpse paradise.”

And yet, “as you can see, she’s forgiving enough that she’s still willing to show them to me upon her return.” (Phew.)

There are plenty of photos on Facebook but YOU are not my friend! I can show you when I get home. Love, Mom

related: This is what happens when parents use Facebook

extra credit: Saturday Night Live, “Mom’s on Facebook”

Tags: Facebook · Hawaii · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love

But…but…if your relationship was never public on Facebook, did it ever really exist?

January 19th, 2011 · 49 Comments

You can be sure our submitter wasn’t the only rubbernecking bystander on Facebook to feel pained by the awkwardness on display in this public wound-picking.

Dear “C”: A word of advice? Back away from your computer. Disconnect your WiFi. Channel your feelings into a Taylor Swift song or a six-pack or something. Unless, of course, you want to end up like this 20 years down the road…

C: I think that you never changed your relationship status from single during the 11 months we dated ought to have clued me in. Hope you're doing well. S: Either that, or you're on facebook even less than I am, and all of my profile info is a few years out of date. C: Well, as I happened to mention it a few times while we were dating, and as it would have taken you 30 seconds to change it, it still follows. However, we're not dating anymore, so I don't have to be hurt by your essential ambivalence toward the relationship anymore. Cheerio!

related: Another example of why you should never publish your relationship status on Facebook

Tags: ex drama · Facebook

What your Facebook “friends” are all secretly thinking about your whiny status updates

December 18th, 2010 · 91 Comments

…it just takes a true frenemy to actually say it.

Man... You're *always* whining about how busy you are... Seriously, it's like *every* status update I see with your name on it is like *ehhh [redacted] is so busy blahaaeeehh* or something...We're all fucking busy man.

related: Busy, but not too busy for the important things in life…like Farmville.

Tags: cry me a freaking river · Facebook · frenemies · most popular notes of 2010 · Sydney

Facebook: enabling your Mom to embarrass you in new and increasingly far-reaching ways!

August 16th, 2010 · 61 Comments

Writes Natalie in Pennsylvania: “My mother (who is unfortunately on Facebook) noticed that some of my extended family had wished my twin sister happy birthday but not me.”

Although Natalie herself couldn’t care less, her mother — “a master of both e-mail networking and Jewish guilt”—  took it upon herself to write this e-mail and send it out everyone in the entire family. “And I mean EVERYONE,” Natalie says — “my cousins in Mexico got it!” [Face palm]

(If you can’t decipher the hideous font, mouse over the image for a translation.)

Dear Ones, It has come to my attention that a matter of sibling unfairness has arisen. Please do not think for a moment that I consider this to be an intentional slight by any of you. But matters that by some (or one) perceived as wronged must be put right by us all. Therefore gentle relatives you must mind your manners and know that birthday greetings to one twin on her face book page must be matched by the same greeting to the other on hers. She who hears nothing from her dear ones on the day of her rejoicing must think herself unloved and surely that is not the relative intention. Yours truly, Your Aunt, Sister and Mother

(What would Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield do? Find out in Sweet Valley High #144: Relative Intentions!)

related: Yet another reason why you shouldn’t be friends with your parents on Facebook

Tags: birthday · e-mail · etiquette · Facebook · family · guilt trip · Moms & Dads · siblings