Entries Tagged as 'Facebook'

It’s my pity party, and I’ll whine if I want to

July 25th, 2010 · 62 Comments

If I had to choose the one thing I hate most about Facebook, I think it would have to be how it’s normalized the narcissistic idea that the day you were born (and increasingly the entire week/month leading up to it) is somehow an annual event of earth-shattering importance…and (part two), how it has turned into a venue for people who share that idea to host their own pity parties, like so:

wow. Thanks to all the family members that didn't wish me a happy birthday. That's nice. I'll remember that next year when it's your birthdays.

Of course, some of those people prefer the prematurely pissy approach — this message, for example, was apparently posted at 10:50 the day before her birthday:

[redacted] is wondering who would show up to my funeral because obviously my wedding and birthday aren't important enough. Thanks to those who do care though.

But on Facebook, the “proactively setting the bar low” approach (as opposed to proactively setting the bar high) might yield better results…that is, if your friends still pity you enough to put with your juvenile bullshit.

Because you can't be there, or because you don't care to be, when [redacted] turns another year older. Because it's easier than spending time with her, and you feel less guilty than RSVPing

related: “I received 25 bday wishes out of 473 Facebook friends.”

Tags: birthday · cry me a freaking river · Facebook · grow up · guilt trip · martyr complex

Sorry to break it to you

July 5th, 2010 · 101 Comments

The following message is a bit long, yes, but I had to post it because it reads uncannily like what I imagine as the epistolary novel of the future — complete with an unreliable narrator à la the Adrian Mole Diaries (or the sub-par American ripoff, Youth in Revolt).

It comes to us from Helen in Northern Ireland, who gives the following backstory:  ”So, I met a friend of a friend on a night out and he offered to ‘walk me home.’ Seeing right through that clever ruse, I left, only to be bombarded with no fewer than four texts, a Facebook message and a voicemail all saying some inebriated yet romantic things.”

Months later, Helen ran into a mutual friend of this would-be Lothario, and casually said something along the lines of, ‘He tried to walk me home once, but I think he is a bit strange.’ Shortly thereafter, she received this gem of a Facebook message. “Luckily,” Helen says, “he removed and blocked me from Facebook immediately after sending it. Nice chap!”

Don't flatter yourself

related: And women like u wonder why u get judged and labeled shallow

Tags: Facebook · just an asshole · just not that into you · oh no you didn't · spurned lover · TL;DR · U.K.

Because you’re not really knocked up ’til it’s validated by Web 2.0

May 20th, 2010 · 96 Comments

So, these two crazy kids (both of whom still live with their parents, according to our submitter), had a lil’ accident. A really exciting one! So exciting they decided the best way to share the news was en masse, via Facebook status update! So be excited for them, dammit!!!

[Redacted] and her amazing and wonderful boyfriend and best friend and going to be parents! This is a huge surprise but were [sic] very excited! Taking bets on the gender! .... I am really disappointed that hardly any of my friends congratulated me or wished me well. Thanks alot [sic] you jerks!

related: Children are such a blessing.

Thanks for not buying me the Diaper Genie I registered for!!!

Tags: alot · Facebook · frenemies · preggers · spelling and grammar police

Your Facebook friends: just not that into you.

March 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

Facebook: always there to remind you of all the fun you’re not having.

Christina hates not getting invited to anything anymore. Is it because I'm married? (no, it's because you are married to a prick.)

Meg wants to get out of the house and do something fun. I wish my friends hadn't disappeared when I got pregnant.

it's great that everyone has more important things to do than come to my wedding - i guess you find out who really cares about you...

Not all of them...obviously

related: Socializing (you’re doing it wrong)

Tags: Facebook · frenemies · preggers · weddings and bridezillas

Well, looks like somebody dodged a bullet.

January 29th, 2010 · 101 Comments

Diaries, people. Pen and ink. Lock and key. Not on the Internet for everyone to see (and cringe over)!

M- Realized that if she was still getting married oct 3rd she would be in panic mode since her wedding dress she ordered back in june has not arrived yet. So thank you tim for calling off the wedding cuz I would seriously be freaking out right now! Life is awesome :o)

related: dirty, dirty bridesmaids

Tags: ex drama · Facebook · smiley · weddings and bridezillas

…and “B” for Busted

January 6th, 2010 · 68 Comments

Pitchfork gave this performance by Patrick (“guy in a band”) and A (“friend of guy in band”) — a 7.2. Be sure to read from the bottom up!

...and

related: perfect for each other

Tags: Facebook · Oops?

Sometimes, Mom is (actually, maybe, a little bit) right.

December 21st, 2009 · 136 Comments

Writes our submitter in Lexington, Kentucky: “One day, I updated my Facebook status to something about how no one in my city knows how to properly use a turning lane. The next day, I got this e-mail from my mom. She often makes similar judgments about what personality traits I should have because I’m ‘such a pretty girl.’”

Annoying? Sure. But aside from the irritating Momsian/Victorian conflation of physical/moral beauty, I think I’m actually on Team Mom for this one. (Of course, had I received a similar e-mail from my own mom, I’d hardly be so clear-eyed. Such is the nature of the mother/daughter dynamic!)

Honey, I wish you wouldn't post such negative comments on Facebook. They come off kind of nasty and you're such a pretty girl.  Life's a bitch and we all have to deal with it so try to be more positive. Love, Mom

related: Living with an adolescent, abridged

Tags: e-mail · Facebook · Moms & Dads · not so much passive-aggressive · signed with love · unsolicited feedback

Facebook familial faux pas

December 14th, 2009 · 164 Comments

“Oh boy,” thought Emily in New York, when she saw this mini-drama unfold on her newsfeed. “I can’t even imagine; if my dad found out that I was engaged via Facebook, there would be hell to pay.”  (Luckily, she says, “my dad has no idea how to use Facebook, or as he calls it, ‘the Face Space.’”)

Facebook filial faux pas

Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Austin, “I knew my brother and sister-in-law were debating another baby, and I was quite aggravated to think this is how I was going to find out.” But instead…

Facebook familial faux pas

related: Why you really shouldn’t be facebook friends with your parents

Tags: Facebook · family · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't

What say you, Emily Post?

December 1st, 2009 · 140 Comments

As an early holiday gift to you, I present the current leading candidate in the race for “douchecanoe of the year”…

Shoshana will be accepting wedding gifts from those 'friends' who didn't give us anything the first time round. Don't say you're giving us the gift of friendship because that is so lame. Honestly. Get on our gift registry and get us something!! Or some cash would be nice :)

UPDATE: Our anonymous tipster passes along this follow-up status update, adding, “The best part about this situation is that, by posting her latest status update, she just encouraged more people to come see how rude and greedy she is!”

Shoshana will be accepting wedding gifts from those 'friends' who didn't give us anything the first time round. Don't say you're giving us the gift of friendship because that is so lame. Honestly. Get on our gift registry and get us something!! Or some cash would be nice :)

related: Facebook wedding drama

extra credit: DISLIKE!

Tags: etiquette · Facebook · most popular notes of 2009 · smiley · weddings and bridezillas

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn’t come with a “dislike” button?

November 16th, 2009 · 172 Comments

Maybe ’cause it would only draw more attention to douche-canoes like these.

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

Ever wonder why Facebook doesn't have a

related: facebook: a place for navel-gazing narcissists

extra credit: how to add a dislike button to facebook [lifehacker]

Tags: cry me a freaking river · Facebook