…because there’s no measure of self-worth more important than the public acknowledgment that you were, in fact, born.

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

“A few days after changing my status to single,” writes Meg in Red Deer, Alberta, “Facebook proves to be the creep I always knew it was.”

(Jordon is the ex-boyfriend.)

related: Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your Facebook profile

I’m having a hard time deciding who in this group of geniuses most deserves a smack in the head first. To make it easier, I’m going to tell myself that Krystal is using some new kind of ironic dialect of homophone-swapping slang. And Jennalyn…well, her name is Jennalyn, and therefore I think it’s safe to assume she’s gotten the short end of the stick so far in life, so she gets a pass. But the other three?

P.S. Notice the date! (tear)

related: Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your facebook profile

Our anonymous submitter was mildly amused when he noticed this little hypothetical how-to pop up in his Facebook feed. But the real kicker, he realized, is that the one person tagged in the note happens to be (ouch) the notewriter’s current roommate.

Adds our submitter: “To my surprise, the girl never commented on it, but I’m sure she got the message — she was called out!”

related: Some dating advice

Writes Halley in Idaho: “Yeahhh, that’s my mom and my grandpa right there. (This is what happens when old people join Facebook.)”

related: Busted by Facebook
extra credit: Facebook embroidery

Facebook‘s new “I like this” feature doesn’t allow you to give “thumbs down” to your friends’ status updates or posted links — a boon to both the supportive, snap-cup-loving, kindergarten-teacher-types on your friends list and the die-hard passive-aggressives on your frenemies list!

The even bigger “ouch”?

related: Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your facebook-profile
extra credit: STFU, Marrieds

See, kids: this is what happens when you live in the awkward part of the Venn diagram where “Facebook friends” and “real friends” don’t overlap.

related: making time for the important things in life…like facebook apps
extra credit: bank intern busted by facebook [valleywag]

Writes our anonymous submitter: “This girl invited every single one of her friends on Facebook into a ‘forum’ to plan for her birthday celebrations…six months in advance.”

The kicker? within a few hours, our submitter says, almost everyone had already RSVP’d.

related: An occasion Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

Writes Liz in Dublin: “I’m submitting a message I received via Facebook to show that while Facebook is a great place to reconnect with old friends, it is an even better place to reopen decade-old wounds of teenage angst.”

Explains Liz: “The e-mailer and I never spoke in high school, and I thought it was odd that she added me as a friend on Facebook in the first place. In the spirit of being nice, I added her back, kept her on for few days (I figured she just wanted to see my pictures) and then removed her. That was about two months ago, so it’s interesting that she’s bringing it up now.”

Meanwhile, Michael in Lexington, Kentucky received a similarly out-of-the-blue message from an old high school “friend” he hadn’t heard from in about ten years. “To be honest,” says Michael, “I’m not sure what ‘ties’ she’s referring to.”

related: tant pis, mon amie
extra credit: 30 rock “reunion” [hulu]

“There’s a lot of foot traffic at a certain computer lab at our university,” says our submitter in Ypsilanti, Michigan, “but it can only seat 30 at a time.”

In order to (in theory) alleviate the problem, and in practice, to give waiting students some new clip art to focus their rage upon, the university posted this sign on the door of the lab…to which several students added their own clarifications.

Really, though: which is a better simulation of post-college working life for the major of university graduates: writing a paper on themes of alienation in James Joyce…or periods of mind-numbing boredom punctuated by the furtive checking of status updates and the throwing of virtual snowballs? Mmm?

related: Making time for the important things in life…like Facebook apps