PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » preggers

How NOT to earn great restaurant tips

Kerry — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 13:00:16 +0000

Writes Amber in Minnesota: “My friend works in accounting for a local restaurant chain, and every once in awhile she has to go through credit card receipts if something isn’t adding up correctly. She’s found some pretty interesting gems, but this one takes the cake.”

[Adds the Not-Pregnant Notewriter: THANKS FOR THE 'TAKES THE CAKE' COMMENT, AMBER. REALLY.]

Mother of hair? Is that like mother of pearl?

Kerry — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 06:02:21 +0000

I’ll admit it: I had to read this note and the accompanying explanation about three times before I grasped that “hair baby” was supposed to refer to the leftover strands that someone in Tricia’s dorm keeps leaving in the shower drain.

But speaking of babies…as Massimo noticed, this Boston-area Walgreens is apparently hoping to capitalize on your drunken New Years/Valentine’s Day sexual escapades. (Or else they’re just really, really curious?????)

extra credit: The incredible hair baby of Manchester [Dailymail.co.uk]

Because you’re not really knocked up ’til it’s validated by Web 2.0

Kerry — Fri, 21 May 2010 01:00:16 +0000

So, these two crazy kids (both of whom still live with their parents, according to our submitter), had a lil’ accident. A really exciting one! So exciting they decided the best way to share the news was en masse, via Facebook status update! So be excited for them, dammit!!!

related: Children are such a blessing.

Thanks for not buying me the Diaper Genie I registered for!!!

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but mind your own damn business.

Kerry — Wed, 12 May 2010 01:16:34 +0000

Our Bay-Area submitter returned from lunch one day to find this note from an anonymous concerned coworker.

“I’ll admit that I’ve gained about 15 pounds recently,” she says. However, “At 4’11 and normally around 95 pounds, even with the extra 15 I’m still within an acceptable weight range for my height.” But the real kicker, says our submitter?

“I’m also 5 months pregnant. I just haven’t made a big deal about it by talking incessantly about it or demanding special treatment like I’m God’s gift to the world just because I got myself knocked up.”

(So, uh, I think that’s a no, she won’t be seeing you there.)

Because a true friend would never turn down an opportunity to play stupid games and buy you expensive crap

Kerry — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 01:00:23 +0000

…especially when the invitation is extended via your Facebook wall to everyone you know.

Or (oopsies!) almost everyone you know.

extra credit: STFU, Parents

Your Facebook friends: just not that into you.

Kerry — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:29:25 +0000

Facebook: always there to remind you of all the fun you’re not having.

And those Cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

Kerry — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:38:21 +0000

This (long-overdue) all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

extra credit: stfu, parents

The womb that would birth a thousand excuses

Kerry — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:17:20 +0000

The most irritating part of finding this note propped on her keyboard, says Jackie in Philly, is that she wasn’t the person who requested dark chocolate in the office vending machine. “In fact, I can’t stand the stuff!” (In that case…hello, baby shower gift?)

related: Bun — er, — pizza in the oven

Maybe it’s time for Sally Struthers to get involved

kerry — Wed, 14 May 2008 05:02:23 +0000

With finals and thesis deadlines coming up, stress levels among grad students at UC-Berkeley have been running high (which means attention to the finer points of, say, apostrophe use, are running low). And now there’s a lunch thief on the loose!

Sadly, says our submitter, the note’s multi-pronged approach (guilt, threats, helpful advice) seems to have had no effect; the lunch thief remains at large. The next course of action? “We’re considering planting laxative-laced desserts.”

I’m pregnant…what’s your excuse?

Kerry — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 03:19:47 +0000

Amanda in Fairhaven, Mass. recently took her sister-in-law in for an ultrasound appointment, and was a little frightened by this sign. (It was posted in three places, both inside and outside the restroom.)

related: Bun — er, pizza in the oven

Bun — er, pizza — in the oven

Kerry — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:33:35 +0000

Zakir in Montreal came home one night to find his roommate, Tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, Vincent. Apparently, Tristan was baking cookies on Saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from Vince’s frozen pizza.

Says Zakir: “Vincent’s reply to the note was gold. He yelled: ‘Well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

Adds Zakir: “I’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but I do know Tristan‘s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”

Meanwhile, in Clemson, S.C…there is a baby in that oven.

It must have been a pretty big bite

Kerry — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 01:47:12 +0000

“My co-workers and I were in love with this note when we found it attached to the office refrigerator,” says Brian in Cleveland. “We wanted a copy, but the woman frightened us. So we came up with an elaborate scheme. One co-worker walked to the kitchen carrying a folder. She grabbed the note, stuffed it inside, and walked down the hallway. She handed it to another co-worker and stood watch. That co-worker raced to give it to me, who rapidly made a copy. Then we reversed the sequence. Within two minutes, the note was back on the fridge, and we were in heaven.”

So worth the effort though, right?