Entries Tagged as 'preggers'

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but mind your own damn business.

May 11th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Our Bay-Area submitter returned from lunch one day to find this note from an anonymous concerned coworker.

“I’ll admit that I’ve gained about 15 pounds recently,” she says. However, “At 4’11 and normally around 95 pounds, even with the extra 15 I’m still within an acceptable weight range for my height.” But the real kicker, says our submitter?

“I’m also 5 months pregnant. I just haven’t made a big deal about it by talking incessantly about it or demanding special treatment like I’m God’s gift to the world just because I got myself knocked up.”

Please don't take this the wrong way, I am just concerned for your health. Have you considered Weight Watchers? I lost 20lb that way!!! We even have a program here at work. Tues @ Noon - hope to see you there! :)

(So, uh, I think that’s a no, she won’t be seeing you there.)

related: I am beautiful, not matter what they say (or passive-aggressively insinuate)

Tags: "helpful" advice · Bay Area · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2010 · office · oh no you didn't · preggers · smiley · the best of intentions

Because a true friend would never turn down an opportunity to play stupid games and buy you expensive crap

April 11th, 2010 · 122 Comments

…especially when the invitation is extended via your Facebook wall to everyone you know.

So you find out who your true friends are when you have a baby shower...I guess I will look at this as a blessing in disguise, because now I know that true friends aren't flakes, and flakes are not your friends!

so I had my baby shower last weekend and I have to say Im fairly disapointed [sic] in all the people that not only didnt show up but didnt even call so thanks everyone!!!!!!

thanks to all my punk ass friends for not coming to my kids b-day party... if you didn't want to go why in the hell did you say you would in the first place?? assholes

Or (oopsies!) almost everyone you know.

I would like to thank our friends for coming to M-'s very special first birthday party...OH WAIT....none of you showed up! :( I would like to thank Angel (I can always count on you) and Cathy and our course our families for making it great! Luv u!

related: Your Facebook friends…just not that into you.

extra credit: STFU, Parents

Tags: cry me a freaking river · frenemies · it's my party · kids · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · Oops? · preggers

Your Facebook friends: just not that into you.

March 7th, 2010 · 72 Comments

Facebook: always there to remind you of all the fun you’re not having.

Christina hates not getting invited to anything anymore. Is it because I'm married? (no, it's because you are married to a prick.)

Meg wants to get out of the house and do something fun. I wish my friends hadn't disappeared when I got pregnant.

it's great that everyone has more important things to do than come to my wedding - i guess you find out who really cares about you...

Not all of them...obviously

related: Socializing (you’re doing it wrong)

Tags: Facebook · frenemies · preggers · weddings and bridezillas

And those Cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

June 26th, 2009 · 90 Comments

This all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

You are welcome!

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

extra credit: STFU, Parents

 

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · office · office fridge · preggers · runaway run-on sentences · stealing · yogurt

The womb that would birth a thousand excuses

July 8th, 2008 · 214 Comments

The most irritating part of finding this note propped on her keyboard, says Jackie in Philly, is that she wasn’t the person who requested dark chocolate in the office vending machine. “In fact, I can’t stand the stuff!” (In that case…hello, baby shower gift?)

Hi Jackie, Since you requested the dark chocolate, please eat it. The pregnant person needs chocolate & your bars are taking up valuable space for GOOD TASTING chocolate. :)

related: Bun — er, — pizza in the oven

Tags: office · Philadelphia · preggers · smiley · vending machine drama

Maybe it’s time for Sally Struthers to get involved

May 14th, 2008 · 140 Comments

With finals and thesis deadlines coming up, stress levels among grad students at UC-Berkeley have been running high (which means attention to the finer points of, say, apostrophe use, are running low). And now there’s a lunch thief on the loose!

Taking food is a penal code violation and we have reported these thefts to the cops.

Sadly, says our submitter, the note’s multi-pronged approach (guilt, threats, helpful advice) seems to have had no effect; the lunch thief remains at large. The next course of action? “We’re considering planting laxative-laced desserts.”

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: apostrophe abuse · Berkeley · California · college life · food · fridge · kitchen · preggers · stealing · the homeless · warning

I’m pregnant…what’s your excuse?

March 23rd, 2008 · 100 Comments

Amanda in Fairhaven, Mass. recently took her sister-in-law in for an ultrasound appointment, and was a little frightened by this sign. (It was posted in three places, both inside and outside the restroom.)

IF YOU ARE HAVING AN ULTRASOUND PLEASE DO NOT EMPTY YOUR BLADDER THIS MEANS YOU!!!

related: Bun — er, pizza in the oven

Tags: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Massachusetts · piss · preggers

Bun — er, pizza — in the oven

February 29th, 2008 · 125 Comments

Zakir in Montreal came home one night to find his roommate, Tristan ferociously scribbling this note for his other roommate, Vincent.  Apparently, Tristan was baking cookies on Saturday night (aww) and when he turned on the stove, the entire apartment filled with smoke from the charred cardboard from Vince’s frozen pizza.

Says Zakir: “Vincent’s reply to the note was gold. He yelled: ‘Well, maybe next time you should CHECK the oven before you turn it on….WHAT IF THERE WAS A BABY IN THERE?!’ and then slammed his door behind him.”

Vince. Let this be a message to your other pizza cardboards. Take your cardboards out of the oven! -Tristan

Adds Zakir: “I’m not sure if those are hearts or flames all over the note, but I do know Tristan‘s face was scrunched with anger as he wrote it.”

Meanwhile, in Clemson, S.C…there is a baby in that oven.

This [redacted]'s pizza. [Redacted] is pregnant. If you know what is best for you, you will not eat a pregnant women's [sic] food. :) Love, ME!!

related: must have been a pretty big bite

Tags: double-entendre alert · heart · Montreal · oven · pizza · preggers · smiley · South Carolina · spelling and grammar police

It must have been a pretty big bite

June 29th, 2007 · 140 Comments

“My co-workers and I were in love with this note when we found it attached to the office refrigerator,” says Brian in Cleveland. “We wanted a copy, but the woman frightened us. So we came up with an elaborate scheme. One co-worker walked to the kitchen carrying a folder. She grabbed the note, stuffed it inside, and walked down the hallway. She handed it to another co-worker and stood watch. That co-worker raced to give it to me, who rapidly made a copy. Then we reversed the sequence. Within two minutes, the note was back on the fridge, and we were in heaven.”
It is Ok to steal food from people (I'm aggerating): but I am a MOTHER-TO-BE who starved because took a bite out of my lunch meant and cheese.

So worth the effort though, right?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · cheese · Cleveland · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Moms & Dads · more aggressive than passive · most popular notes of 2007 · office · office fridge · Ohio · pleasantries as afterthought · preggers · questionable logic · spelling and grammar police · stealing