Entries Tagged as 'p.s.'

“I power walked so powerfully I got the runs!”

March 4th, 2014 · 22 Comments

So, this happened.
To the 'power walker' in the black hoodie and sunglasses who POOPED behind this AC unit on the morning of February 28th. I just wanted to let you know that I saw your take your dump. You may want to choose a better spot the next time you feel the urge to go. P.S. Don't litter please. Next time take the tissue you wiped with.

And Dani in Texas…thanks for sharing?

related: A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”
extra credit: Nance Bodean’s Guide to Power Walking [youtube]

Tags: p.s. · shit · Texas

Greetings from the Polar Vortex

January 8th, 2014 · 126 Comments

Writes Steve in Boston: “This note cracks me up because it is, on the one hand, a request for more civility and, on the other hand, a not so thinly veiled threat.” (How so very Boston!)

By City of Boston law, I am entitled to save this spent after having spent an hour of backbreaking work shoveling. I hope you with respect your neighbors next time, you piece of shit. Love, Vigilante Justice P.S. Happy Holidays!

related: Can you dig it?

extra credit: Boston’s “parking chair” law [washingtonpost.com]

Tags: Boston · not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · parking

Grandma, this is not your house!

October 2nd, 2013 · 78 Comments

Precious in Texas says that whenever her mother comes over to visit, “all she wants to do is clean my messy house.” One day, Precious says, her daughter, Allison — along with Allison’s 5-year-old cousin — decided to take matters into their own hands, writing this warning and handing it to their grandma “fast mail.” As for Grandma’s response, says Precious, “I had to read it to her because she was laughing so hard.”

Dear grandma this is not your house so stop cleaning it or else we will lock you in a safe and open it the day after. Did you like my [choice] of fast mail? P.S. Send the envelope back I don't have many

related: Never put nature aside for television

Tags: cleaning · family · Grandma · kids · not-so-veiled threats · p.s.

Andrew from the Internet strikes again

April 5th, 2013 · 141 Comments

You might recall the letter that Bill and Mara received from a stranger informing that “no one cares about your damn wedding.” Despite Andrew from the Internet’s professed apathy, it seems he had enough time on his hands to not just comb through Bill’s blog, but Bill and Mara’s wedding guestbook as well.

Bill says a family member, mistakenly assuming that the guestbook entries could only be viewed by friends and family, left a note about having moved, including their new address. “We soon caught the message and removed the address,” Bill says, “but not before Andrew saw the page.”

Dear [redacted], Hi there. My name is Andrew and I’m from the internet. I saw that you posted your and your husband’s home address publicly on Bill and Mara’s awful little wedding website for the whole internet to see. Don’t do that. I mean you no harm, but there are people on the internet who might. Now, fingers crossed, hopefully all that will become of this is that you get this snarky letter from an anonymous stranger. But, if some nutcase came after y’all with ease because you were too lazy to send Bill and Mara an email or a letter with your home address, how would you feel? The internet is a big, scary place that anyone in the world can access. Don’t be stupid. Protect yourself by keeping private information private. GOOD LUCK P.S. Your address is 9TH AVE, not “9 Ave”. P.P.S. Kudos for knowing your zip 4 though.

 

related: My name is Andrew, and I’m from the Internet.

Tags: "helpful" advice · p.s. · smartass · weddings and bridezillas

Shoveling and sniveling

March 24th, 2013 · 74 Comments

Spring is here! (Maine, unfortunately, didn’t get the memo.)

Dear Neighbor Who Left Me A Note: Thank you for inviting me to shoveling class! However, I am pretty busy with work already, and I fairly experienced in shoveling arts already, so I don't require any additional training. In fact, I'm so experienced that I've discovered I really don't like shoveling out my car, which is why I bought a Subaru. You should check them out; they are really great in the snow. In the winter I can just pull out of my spot and brush off the snow. Luckily for us, the plow guy does the rest of the parking lot (and the steps!), so my need to shovel is pretty much zero, although I do usually shovel all of our mailboxes out whenever my former roommate didn't. I wish you well in your shovel studies though, and maybe they'll let you shovel the mailboxes for extra credit! Sincerely, Adam P.S. - If I have misinterpreted your note of 'Let's learn how to shovel,' please let me know. I would come talk with you, but unfortunately you failed to sign your note.

related: Snow shoveling etiquette

Tags: Maine · p.s. · snow · TL;DR

Don’t mess with WeHo

March 19th, 2013 · 34 Comments

Writes Matt in West Hollywood: “Apparently a certain ‘Alex’ in our neighborhood has been downing protein smoothies and then discarding the cups on the street.” Not cool, man. Not cool.

ALEX! What's wrong there, Mr. Muscle? Cup too heavy for you? How about you start using TRASH CANS for your TRASH? (P.S. - You are on candid camera big boy)

related: The City of Brotherly Littering

Tags: California · littering · p.s.

You’re a wiseass, Harry.

February 12th, 2013 · 69 Comments

It turns out Harry Potter had more than a little in common with his jerk of a father. (And yes, James Potter was a jerk — Yahoo! Answers says so!)

Dear Hagrid, I understand you're half giant, but could you try to be a little more light footed? P.S. If you're not Hagrid, stop fucking stomping around, it's pissing me off. Sincerely, Harry Potter, apartment under the stairs

Meanwhile, on Diagon Alley…

Notice from The Green Witch Re discount...Please do not embarrass my staff by asking for discount. If the prices could be lower, they would be. Therapists who shop regularly and consistently at the shop may receive a discount on their products that are relevant to their business but not on any other goods. Any discount given is purely at the discretion of myself and is a priveledge [sic], not a right. Demanding discount simply angers both me and Maggie — after all, do you ask Tesco for discount because you shop there every week...I think not. Thank you, The Green Witch

related: Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

extra credit: How P-A Harry Potter fans deal with junk mail

extra extra credit: We Are Wizards [hulu.com]

Tags: neighbors · noise · p.s.

What a little hart-braker

January 22nd, 2013 · 34 Comments

Our submitter in Vancouver, Washington says this note was slipped under her door after her daughter was sent to her room following a disagreement about doing the dishes. Adds Mom: “I like that the poop is just there — not telling me I smell like poop, or to eat poop. Just…poop.”

Never doing anything for you ever again ever for Mom —Emily (hart brok) P.S. Running away (Poop)

related: Buckets of my tears

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2013 · Mother-daughter notes · oh no you didn't · p.s.

Relax, you miserable sod, you’re on island time!

October 10th, 2012 · 162 Comments

Spotted by Gretchen in the resort town of Mount Maunganui, New Zealand:

WE WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST:- When ordering food please ask for the APPROXIMATE waiting time then perhaps do the following: Go for a walk, feed the seagulls, watch the ocean waves crashing against the sandy shore, chat to the boaties as they bring in their catch, sit down, relax, read a magazine, etc. etc. then pop back in at the right time and see if your order is ready or your number has been called.  WHAT WE DO NOT RECOMMEND:- Waiting with a sour face that even your mother would find hard to love, arms folded, tapping your feet, looking at your watch every thirty seconds, and asking if your food is ready every 60 seconds, then when its ready snatching it out of the hands of our tired and hassled staff.  PLEASE REMEMBER:- CHILL!! And let's have a stress free holiday.  A smile and patience cost nothing.  THANKYOU!!  Ps If you have forgotten how to smile and chill out there is an online guide at www.dontbesuchamiserablesod.com.

related: A clue that your whole “half-caf, extra hot, non-fat dressing-on-the-side” thing might be a bit much

Tags: "polite notice" · most popular notes of 2012 · New Zealand · p.s. · restaurant

The Go to Hell™ Bouquet

June 13th, 2012 · 19 Comments

“My friend and her roommate did not get along at all in college,” says Bryan in Chicago, “to the point where they were only communicating by notes for the last six months they lived together. This is the last note my friend left before officially moving out.”

I cleaned most of the apartment so please keep it tidy while you move out  - Kelsey.  P.S. go to hell

related: When frenemies attack!

Tags: cleaning · mean girls · p.s. · roommates