Entries Tagged as 'p.s.'

Sorry I hit your car, but whatever, it’s a tacky piece of crap anyway

July 27th, 2011 · 42 Comments

Explains our submitter in North Carolina: ”My friend walked out to the parking lot to find a big dent and a sticky note on her car, which still had some writing on it from her recent birthday.” And while the driver didn’t just dent-and-dash, the fact that he or she didn’t bother to leave a name/plate/policy number — just an entirely unnecessary postscript — made the whole situation a less-than-satisfying belated birthday surprise.

Sorry I hit your car, you can call my insurance and sort it out [phone number redacted]. P.S. You should clean this writing off your fucking car.

related: I dinged your car, but you kind of deserved it.

Tags: car · non-apology apology · p.s. · Raleigh · unsolicited feedback

Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

July 10th, 2011 · 117 Comments

Writes Carolyn in Brooklyn: “My youngest daughter, Annisa, clearly had a problem with her recalcitrant tooth fairy. This is a series of letters, including an envelope, that I saved from her early years. I have no doubt that her finely tuned negotiating skills were developed as a result.” The best part? Annisa, who just turned 31 on Saturday, is now — no joke — a Director of Human Resources.”

(I really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think we have a new winner.)

Dear tooth fairy, I lost my tooth on 23 of Oct. Now it is Nov. 12. I lost my tooth in pizza. I lost both today. You owe me $1.00 not to be hard but I need money. Annisa

Dear tooth fairy, I did not get my 1.00. I told you I lost my tooth in pizza. I hope you're prepared that I am going to take it up with your mother. And I have a penalty for whatever night you miss you owe me a 25 cents more. And maybe I'll take it up with your boss. And I'll tell him you're goofind off. And I love to talk to you in person over Juice and tea. So when you write back give me your phone number and address talk over cookies. Annisa  p.s. don't correct my spelling

Dear Toothfairy,  I want two dollars for my tooth because It's my first fang. Annisa  P.S. If you don't give me what I want I will find another tooth fairy.   Dear Toothfairy, It is the next day, and I don't have my money. I will have to charge you 25 cents more for penalty and I want $2.25 tomorrow morning. Annisa

Letter for the tooth fairy

related: Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

Tags: Brooklyn · kids · money · most popular notes of 2011 · p.s.

Claustrophobic? You might want to avoid these elevators.

April 28th, 2011 · 75 Comments

Moira and some friends recently rented a flat in Rome for a few days — lucky her, right? The only hitch to the plan was the fact their apartment was located on the very top floor, and while Rome might be the “The Eternal City,” spending eternity in a European-style elevator car wasn’t exactly the experience they were seeking.

!!WARNING!! Before opening the doors wait until the elevator stops at the floor completely. If no you remain stuck in it FOREVER!

Meanwhile, if you thought you weren’t afraid of elevators, a visit to the Hampton Inn in Burbank, California might change your mind. This placard inside the elevator (as documented by Kristen from Ohio), has got to be the least-reassuring attempt at preventing alarm I’ve ever seen. The fact that it manages to accomplish the exact opposite of its implied purpose makes me think the person behind it must be some kind of sadistic savant…and that he’s DEFINITELY watching you on the CCTV.

SHOULD THE ELEVATOR DOORS FAIL TO OPEN, DO NOT BECOME ALARMED. THERE IS LITTLE DANGER OF RUNNING OUT OF AIR OR OF THIS ELEVATOR DROPPING UNCONTROLLABLY.

Not the anxious type? Well, how do you feel about dog shit and zombies? So far Kareen in Winnipeg has escaped this particular elevator unharmed, but that doesn’t mean she’s not watching where she steps.

Depositing of fecal matter in said elevator-car is most definitely considered foul and repugnant. Please don't. P.S. Keep-thou wary and worked-up in case of mutant elevator-monkey-zombies. THANKS

related: Elevator nose grease

extra credit: “The Subway’s Elevator Operators, a Reassuring Amenity of Another Era” [nytimes.com]

extra extra credit: Time lapse video of a man stuck in an elevator for 41 hours [newyorker.com]

Tags: Burbank · elevator · Italy · p.s. · shit · warning · Winnipeg

Under the Christmas tree next year: a copy of “The Gas We Pass”

December 28th, 2010 · 55 Comments

In a brief moment of silence at a Christmas celebration, 7-year-old Madyson happened to let one rip. “We all laughed and told her to say ‘excuse me,’” says her cousin, Carrie in Detroit, but instead, the mortified girl ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned to fling this note in her family’s general direction.

Well, Madyson, you learned a valuable lesson this Christmas: parents are mean. But getting the hell out of Detroit? That’s actually not a bad idea. (Make a break for it now, and that passing of gas could be the best thing you never did!)

I am running away because you think I farted and I didn't.  P.S. You are mean.

related: From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan JettWhen you can’t blame the dog

Tags: a little insensitive · Christmas · Detroit · family · flatulence · kids · p.s.

The Ring 3: Death by Sandwich

December 7th, 2010 · 86 Comments

Matt, a law student in Boston, surmises that this note posted in the school’s student lounge was written by non-native English speaker  — “the other possibility being that the stress of exams has eaten away at his ability to write coherently.” But what’s curious about this note isn’t the spelling and grammar so much as the the variety and specificity of immediate punishments that are promised within.

“For example,” asks Matt: “Will the food choke the perpetrator, or will Frank be the choker?  How will the burns be administered to the sleeper?” And so on. ”In any case,” he adds, “at least the various threatened deaths won’t be drawn out. (Also, to the best of my knowledge, there is no ‘video record’ of the refrigerator.)”

To the asshole who stole my food this Friday between 12:00 pm - 5:00 pm on the first floor: Go to hell! You bastard! You're son of bitch! You're a jerk! You make me sick! I hate you! You will die soon! When you get out of this door, you will be hit by a car and die immediately! When you eating food, you will get choked and die immediately! When you sleeping, you will get burned and die immediately! My food has been stolen more than 5 times since last semester. I'm not going to put up with this! I'm telling you for the last time! Don't do this again! Because I'm going to check the video record and You are dead meat!  PS: People please pay attention, thief is around us! When you get him, you must kick his ass!

related: Testosterone-fueled wackjobs make the dardnest threats!

Tags: Boston · Clearly a non-native English speaker · die bitch die · food · lawyers & law students · not-so-veiled threats · p.s.

The neighborhood warning wagon

September 28th, 2010 · 157 Comments

Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.

I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!

Welcome to our neighborhood, I just wanted to let you know, that your house has been over the years had really bad police reports on late nigh beer parties! (10 PM to almost all night) Please keep in mind that this neighborhood will not tolerate "late night parties" Which includes: yelling, talking loud on back porches and your back yard and loud friends that visit! Especially this Labor Day Weekend! I understand that you college kids like to drink and have fun, but! After 10 PM if noise is too loud, police will be called, there are alot of elderly, kids and families in this area that will not tolerate this bullshit! I know Bill Mills very well (BC College) and if you guys "act up"! Calls will be made! Please show some respect in our neighborhood and keep the noise level low! If not! Police will be called! Have a good school year and be good neighbors, ok?

(P.S.) THIS INCLUDES

related: Passive voice abuse

Tags: alot · beer · Boston · CAPS LOCK · college life · crazypants · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · high on highlighter · I'm telling on you! · kids today · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · noise · p.s. · passive voice · smiley · spelling and grammar police · unnecessary "quotation marks" · warning · You call that punctuation?

Vehicular misogyny

September 24th, 2010 · 84 Comments

“I guess I’m a bad parker,” says Renee in San Antonio — but really, how bad does a parking job have to be to inspire this kind of blind rage? Especially when the scene of the crime is the parking lot outside a big box store like Best Buy, not some precious residential block.

P.S. If you’re thinking “PMS bad,” next time I escape from the kitchen, I might have to give you a barefoot kick to the crotch.

Dear Asshole, Next [time?] you get your fat inconsiderate ass out of your piece of shit, take a look at the impeccable parking job. Its [sic] underdeveloped people like you that make the rest of the world wish for an apocolypse [sic]. thanks!! PS If you are a woman shame on your husband for allowing you to leave the house

related: When parking gets political

Tags: casual sexism · p.s. · parking · San Antonio · spelling and grammar police

Don’t touch my…stuff, you little piece of…stuff.

September 6th, 2010 · 49 Comments

Chad and Cassie might want to be careful what they wish for…lest someone be tempted to “return” something they didn’t actually borrow first.

Chad's Stuff DO NOT TOUCH! BRING YOUR OWN SHIT!

If you go as far as even touching my shit, I'll fucking kill you. [heart], Cassie  PS - Thanks in advance for returning the shit you took, you ball of shit

(Thanks to Travis in Austin and anonymous in Boise for submitting.)

related: Does your roommate have note-writing diarrhea?

Tags: Austin · heart · Idaho · p.s. · shit · touching

A thinly veiled tattletale

August 19th, 2010 · 27 Comments

While sorting through some old papers, Christina in Natick, Massachusetts was about to throw away this childhood note she had written to her Mom (and Dad too!), when her husband, Aaron, intervened. (Apparently no amount of coaxing could tease out exactly what horrible sin Paul committed, so feel free to speculate wildly.)

Dear Mom, Paul was not nice to me while you were away. I don't want to to tell you what he did because I love you very much. (Dad, too) Hope you had a good time, you know. Love, Christina P.S. Brigid is a pain right where I sit!

P.S. Hope you enjoyed it, you know.

related: Be sure to say goodbye forever

Tags: heart · kids · Moms & Dads · p.s. · siblings · signed with love

The most unpleasant of pleasantries

July 22nd, 2010 · 197 Comments

So, Jen in Ontario, Canada just moved into a new shared living arrangement…with a 50-something lady. “I thought having an older person as a roommate would more peaceful,” she explains. “Turns out I was wrong.” Communication skills, it seems, aren’t one of those things that necessarily improve with age.

Within a week of moving in, Jen says, there were “helpful instructions” taped up all around the house. After that, the notes just kept coming, accusing Jen of everything from filling the dishwasher with soy sauce to sabotaging the tea kettle — always book-ended by a “Pls” and “Thank you,” of course. Because that’s how mature adults act.

Pls stop. Thank you!

Pls empty water in kettle after you've finished with it. The hard water destroys the bottom of the inside of the kettle. Thanks! (turn over page) Pls use Brita water in kettle out of small Brita pitcher in fridge. Thank you!

P.S. Also please rinse your dishes before you put things in dishwasher...to much soya sauce in dishwasher.

related: The Post-it Wars

Tags: "helpful" advice · blitzkrieg approach · cleaning · dishes · dishwasher · kitchen · laundry · old folks · Ontario · p.s. · roommates