Which is your favorite ode to replacing the roll?

Entry #1, from Baltimore?

Entry #2, from New Orleans?

or Entry #3, from Long Island City?

related: Scatological poetry slam

So, which of these cutesy little rhymes is least likely to make you stab yourself in the eye?

Exhibit a) from an office break room in Atlanta, Georgia?

Exhibit b) from a college dorm suite in Winston-Salem, North Carolina?

Or — smiley-face-free! — exhibit c) from a share house full of frat boys in Los Angeles?

Still there? If so, you probably need a palate-cleanser after all those cringe-worthy couplets, so I’ll leave you with this delicate haiku from an office in Washington, D.C.

related: Scatological Poetry Slam

“I have no traces of child paraphernalia in my Mini Cooper,” says our submitter from Alexandria, Virginia — and she didn’t buy her car for environmental reasons. (“I bought it because I’m a Mini fan,” she says, “regardless of the global impact.”) So, as you might imagine, she was more than a bit puzzled to find this note under her wiper blade.

related: Herbie Goes to Washington

Writes Josh in St. Louis: “In our university’s paper, during the first semester, parents can send in notes for their kids away at college to read. Most parents put something sweet, happy, and uplifting — ‘We love you, good luck, hope you’re well,’ that kind of thing.”  Josh’s parents, meanwhile…

related: No money, no trophy

Rodti and Laura Elizabeth spotted these charming examples of local Scottish color outside an Internet cafe in Glasgow’s West End.

Meanwhile, a grocery story elsewhere in Glasgow displays a similar plea for clemency…one that seems intended for a similar clientele.

related: Blame it on Coke

extra credit: Buckfast tonic wine [wikipedia]
The worst toilet in Scotland [youtube]

Given the highly intellectual discussions this site’s commenters have become known for, it seems safe to assume that the question, “How are we to judge poetry?”  is one that you, dear reader, have no doubt pondered on many an occasion, along with other more academic concerns such as the proper resting state of the toilet lid.

Well, as the late Philip Larkin once said, “I think a poet should be judged by what he does with his subjects, not by what his subjects are.” With that in mind, which of these poets would you judge “less likely to make you totally vom”?

Is it this one, from a university campus in Toronto?

…or is it this one, spotted by Kacey at the YMCA in the college town of Champaign, Illinois?

related:  A limerick

extra credit: The Poet of Dirty Words: Reconsidering Philip Larkin [slate.com]

Laid back? I’ll give you laid back. In fact, I’ll spell it out for you: Janice will break your legs.

(Thanks to Peter in Milwaukee for documenting — you’re my number one guy!)

related: Be informed, Homeland Security will be

Back in 2006, Austin in London didn’t feel like confronting his roommate about the masses of hair that were clogging the bathroom sink. Instead, he wrote him this special poem.

Adds Austin: “My roommate never actually said anything about the note, but he did clean the drain out by the time I’d arived home…so I assume he got the message.”