Entries Tagged as 'rebuttals'

Trapped in the (Water) Closet

January 14th, 2014 · 52 Comments

Writes Robert in Redmond, Washington: “In our office, in this particular bathroom, at this particular urinal, there strikes a phantom pisser, who finds joy in covering the floor in front of the urinal 1/8 inch deep in piss — every single day. One coworker got fed up with this and posted the following series of sticky notes. Then some other coworkers then jumped in to add their own particular flair.”

Stop stinkling on the floor. You are an adult not a diaper-wearing baby man. Thank you —Your loving coworkers.

related: The Urinal Games

extra credit: Aziz Ansari on R. Kelly [youtube]

Tags: rebuttals · smartass · toilet · Washington state

Sign, cosign…and off on a tangent

November 25th, 2013 · 34 Comments

Ever wonder how MIT undergrads spend their free time? Well, thanks to Benjamin in Boston, you have your answer:

Please make bigger signs. It will encourage people to read your signs.

related: How’s that for a group effort?

Tags: college life · dishes · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · smartass

Trash talk

October 8th, 2013 · 16 Comments

Our submitter in Chicago says that there a used to be a trash can near the front door of her apartment building, but because it was always overwhelming with doggie poop bags and other smelly trash, she wasn’t sad to see it go. Apparently, some of her neighbors are still in denial.

Attn: In case you haven't notice, there is NO trashcan in this space any more. Please be kind and take your petty trash out 5 steps to the dumpster, instead of leaving it here for someone else to clean up. THANKS. —a resident who throws their trash in its proper place  FUCK YOU! WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRASH CAN? -PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE RESIDENT

related: I don’t want to touch the bathroom door handle, so I’m just going to toss my paper towel on the floor

Tags: Chicago · garbage · neighbors · rebuttals · that's trashy

Roaches can’t read

September 23rd, 2013 · 23 Comments

Well, he has a point.

This is the second / 3rd morning I have entered the kitchen and seen a roach. Part of the problem I am sure, is the lack of respect when it comes to taking care of this shared space. Dishes should be washed and not left with food on them to fester. Whoever leaves dishes in the sink for days in a row can fish them out of the garbage prior to next use. You're welcome.  While I agree that dishes in the sink are gross and inconsiderate use of our shared space (and I always rinse mine), a better strategy might be to call facilities and let them know of the insect issue as cockroaches can't read your passive aggressive notes.  Just saying.

…but then again, what good passive-aggresive note pays attention to silly things like “reason” or “logic”?

Let this be a warning to you roach M.F.ers!

related: An academic epidemic

Tags: dishes · office · rebuttals · warning

Oh look, Reddit exploded in the kitchen.

June 19th, 2013 · 46 Comments

STAHP.

Kitchen signs are the best! SMALL KITCHEN SIGNS ARE BETTER. I disagree. I made a kitchen sign but I eated it. If you are the making coffee first thing in the morning, please rinse out the coffee pot. Thank you. Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

related: The Internet is leaking.

Tags: cats · kitchen · Los Angeles · note wars · office · shameless meme-mongering

No problem — ’twas a piece of a cake!

June 18th, 2013 · 91 Comments

“Our organization recently moved most of its employees from several small offices into one large office,” writes our submitter in Vancouver. “It only took five months for the kitchen conflict to ramp up into a full-blown note war.”

thank you for helping yourself to half of my birthday cake....I guess I didn't need the whole cake to share with my friends and coworkers anyways. ...and happy birthday to you too!

To the leaver of the cake: You're very welcome.

...and someone helped themselves to one of my steam buns (leftovers) in a takeout box but I have a bad cold so they'll get the bad karma back.

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

Tags: birthday · cake · karma's a bitch · note wars · office fridge · stealing · thanks (but not really) · Vancouver

The Clean Section

June 12th, 2013 · 42 Comments

The attack:

DIRTY PLATES They were on the clean section. Please wash the dishes properly. Is annoying the need to check every time you want to use something. Cheers. A.

And the riposte:

Aggressive Notes More Annoying Than Dirty Plates Let's Be Friends

related: Have your people call my people

Tags: dishes · London · meta · rebuttals · roommates

How’s that for a group effort?

January 25th, 2013 · 57 Comments

Erin in Los Angeles says it all started with a simple “No staples, please.” Then the whole office got involved.

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned No Papals Please (pictures of popes) No Staples Please (picture of the Staples Center) No Strapless Plese (picture of a strapless bra) No Naples Please (picture of Italy) No Staples Please (picture of food staples) Yes, PayPal Please.

No Marla Maples Please No Stables Please (picture of the nativity) No Capers Please (picture of the Great Muppet Caper)

No Gay Bulls Please (picture of bull in high heels with a boa) Yes, Draper Please! (Don Draper) No Biebers Please (Justin) No Stray Pills Please (Pills)

No Stray Pills Please. No Stay Pulls Please. No Scalpels Please

No Caples Please (faucet variety) No Steeples please No Pastels Please (Pastels is an anagram of Staples) No Pleats Please (same as pastels) Go Maple Leafs! No Staple Singers Please No Solid Gold Dancers Please

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · office · smartass

With apologies to Theodor Geisel

December 12th, 2012 · 26 Comments

The porcelain throne, it seems, serves as a muse to many…with predictably crappy results.

Potty Training 101 Flush the toilet when you are done. If the handle seems to stick. Flush twice or thrice to do the trick.

And the response:

Thank you for the refresher course, but these toilets really are the worst. Alas, we are the bad news bearer, this is not a matter of user error. Maybe it's work with a thinga-ma-jigger!  It makes our heads twirl that these toilets do not swirl.   They swish, they gurgle, no matter how little the waste, these toilets will not burgle, the refusing to make haste.  I've flushed once, twice, and even thrice, but still these toilets do not play nice.   Oh my! the time is costs. Seriously! these toilets should be tossed.  Sincerely, The Fish

related: Couplets for the Crapper

extra credit: A Funeral in the Bathroom: and Other School Bathroom Poems

Tags: office · pure poetry · rebuttals · toilet

Pumpkin Spice & Minnesota Nice

November 14th, 2012 · 19 Comments

In Manhattan, a shortage of pumpkin spice lattes triggered mayhem overshadowed only by an actual disaster.

In Minnesota, however, it seems that some folks still haven’t heard the news that “Pumpkin is the New Bacon.”At our submitter’s office in Minneapolis, a proffered can of pumpkin spice tea sparked a Midwestern snark-off, complete with smilies.

enjoy. Tastes better than it smells then why don't you drink it :) Now now children I AM NOT A CHILD!! sounds like somebody has mommy issues

related: Grow an orange tree and grow up

extra credit: The Inescapable Pumpkin Spice Trend [thekitchn.com]

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · note wars · office · smartass · smiley · tea