Entries Tagged as 'rebuttals'

Trash talk

October 8th, 2013 · 16 Comments

Our submitter in Chicago says that there a used to be a trash can near the front door of her apartment building, but because it was always overwhelming with doggie poop bags and other smelly trash, she wasn’t sad to see it go. Apparently, some of her neighbors are still in denial.

Attn: In case you haven't notice, there is NO trashcan in this space any more. Please be kind and take your petty trash out 5 steps to the dumpster, instead of leaving it here for someone else to clean up. THANKS. —a resident who throws their trash in its proper place  FUCK YOU! WHERE'S THE FUCKING TRASH CAN? -PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE RESIDENT

related: I don’t want to touch the bathroom door handle, so I’m just going to toss my paper towel on the floor

Tags: Chicago · garbage · neighbors · rebuttals · that's trashy

Roaches can’t read

September 23rd, 2013 · 23 Comments

Well, he has a point.

This is the second / 3rd morning I have entered the kitchen and seen a roach. Part of the problem I am sure, is the lack of respect when it comes to taking care of this shared space. Dishes should be washed and not left with food on them to fester. Whoever leaves dishes in the sink for days in a row can fish them out of the garbage prior to next use. You're welcome.  While I agree that dishes in the sink are gross and inconsiderate use of our shared space (and I always rinse mine), a better strategy might be to call facilities and let them know of the insect issue as cockroaches can't read your passive aggressive notes.  Just saying.

…but then again, what good passive-aggresive note pays attention to silly things like “reason” or “logic”?

Let this be a warning to you roach M.F.ers!

related: An academic epidemic

Tags: dishes · office · rebuttals · warning

Oh look, Reddit exploded in the kitchen.

June 19th, 2013 · 46 Comments

STAHP.

Kitchen signs are the best! SMALL KITCHEN SIGNS ARE BETTER. I disagree. I made a kitchen sign but I eated it. If you are the making coffee first thing in the morning, please rinse out the coffee pot. Thank you. Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

Every time you use the last paper towel and don't replace the roll, a kitten cries (and then gets eaten slowly by a hungry, endangered polar bear. The new rolls are located in the cabinet behind you. Please replace it when necessary. Thanks...from the kittens. (The polar bears? Not so much. Still hungry.)

related: The Internet is leaking.

Tags: cats · kitchen · Los Angeles · note wars · office · shameless meme-mongering

No problem — ’twas a piece of a cake!

June 18th, 2013 · 91 Comments

“Our organization recently moved most of its employees from several small offices into one large office,” writes our submitter in Vancouver. “It only took five months for the kitchen conflict to ramp up into a full-blown note war.”

thank you for helping yourself to half of my birthday cake....I guess I didn't need the whole cake to share with my friends and coworkers anyways. ...and happy birthday to you too!

To the leaver of the cake: You're very welcome.

...and someone helped themselves to one of my steam buns (leftovers) in a takeout box but I have a bad cold so they'll get the bad karma back.

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

Tags: birthday · cake · karma's a bitch · note wars · office fridge · stealing · thanks (but not really) · Vancouver

The Clean Section

June 12th, 2013 · 42 Comments

The attack:

DIRTY PLATES They were on the clean section. Please wash the dishes properly. Is annoying the need to check every time you want to use something. Cheers. A.

And the riposte:

Aggressive Notes More Annoying Than Dirty Plates Let's Be Friends

related: Have your people call my people

Tags: dishes · London · meta · rebuttals · roommates

How’s that for a group effort?

January 25th, 2013 · 57 Comments

Erin in Los Angeles says it all started with a simple “No staples, please.” Then the whole office got involved.

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned

No Staples Please (picture of a stapler) paperwork on this show will be scanned No Papals Please (pictures of popes) No Staples Please (picture of the Staples Center) No Strapless Plese (picture of a strapless bra) No Naples Please (picture of Italy) No Staples Please (picture of food staples) Yes, PayPal Please.

No Marla Maples Please No Stables Please (picture of the nativity) No Capers Please (picture of the Great Muppet Caper)

No Gay Bulls Please (picture of bull in high heels with a boa) Yes, Draper Please! (Don Draper) No Biebers Please (Justin) No Stray Pills Please (Pills)

No Stray Pills Please. No Stay Pulls Please. No Scalpels Please

No Caples Please (faucet variety) No Steeples please No Pastels Please (Pastels is an anagram of Staples) No Pleats Please (same as pastels) Go Maple Leafs! No Staple Singers Please No Solid Gold Dancers Please

related: Death by a Thousand Puns

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2013 · note wars · office · smartass

With apologies to Theodor Geisel

December 12th, 2012 · 26 Comments

The porcelain throne, it seems, serves as a muse to many…with predictably crappy results.

Potty Training 101 Flush the toilet when you are done. If the handle seems to stick. Flush twice or thrice to do the trick.

And the response:

Thank you for the refresher course, but these toilets really are the worst. Alas, we are the bad news bearer, this is not a matter of user error. Maybe it's work with a thinga-ma-jigger!  It makes our heads twirl that these toilets do not swirl.   They swish, they gurgle, no matter how little the waste, these toilets will not burgle, the refusing to make haste.  I've flushed once, twice, and even thrice, but still these toilets do not play nice.   Oh my! the time is costs. Seriously! these toilets should be tossed.  Sincerely, The Fish

related: Couplets for the Crapper

extra credit: A Funeral in the Bathroom: and Other School Bathroom Poems

Tags: office · pure poetry · rebuttals · toilet

Pumpkin Spice & Minnesota Nice

November 14th, 2012 · 19 Comments

In Manhattan, a shortage of pumpkin spice lattes triggered mayhem overshadowed only by an actual disaster.

In Minnesota, however, it seems that some folks still haven’t heard the news that “Pumpkin is the New Bacon.”At our submitter’s office in Minneapolis, a proffered can of pumpkin spice tea sparked a Midwestern snark-off, complete with smilies.

enjoy. Tastes better than it smells then why don't you drink it :) Now now children I AM NOT A CHILD!! sounds like somebody has mommy issues

related: Grow an orange tree and grow up

extra credit: The Inescapable Pumpkin Spice Trend [thekitchn.com]

Tags: Minneapolis/St. Paul · note wars · office · smartass · smiley · tea

Have your people call my people.

November 6th, 2012 · 34 Comments

Writes our submitter in Canada: “Of the 12 people living the house, only three do any sort of cleaning or washing up. This was the result of several months of accumulated angst.”

Dear household, I am suck of you discusting [sic] c*nts not washing up after your selfs [sic] you have one day to learn before you find your dirty dishes in bed with you. This includes pots, pans, cups, and tea pots. If you have a problem with that I am happy to discuss. Sincerely, Haarlem  Haarlem, I like the way you think, let's discuss this further. Get your people to call my people and we'll do lunch. Love, Ben

related: I did the dishes. Where’s my cookie?

Tags: Canada · cleaning · dishes · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · roommates · runaway run-on sentences · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Sentence structure could use some improvement

October 30th, 2012 · 29 Comments

Several months ago, Kenney in Sydney moved in with some new housemates. Last week, he happened to park in a different spot in the driveway. (“We had been asked to not park in the garage as it was used as a gym/personal trainer studio.”)

“The next morning,” he says, “I found this ‘anonymous’ note — despite having just talked with the person responsible, without any mention of their concern.” By way of a response, Kenney decided to give the note the red pen treatment.

Dear Housemate's Please take under consideration that the parking arragement tonight was not Thought out properly we have a garage that one car could go in & instead Driveway looks like a parking lot please think of all housemate's living under this rood not just yourself Thank you. !  12/28 42% A clean document with some folds, sentence structure could use improvement along with grammar. Would love to discuss your results to improve your persuasive letter writing ability! D+

related: I give your passive-aggressive note a C-

Tags: Australia · most popular notes of 2012 · parking · rebuttals · roommates · spelling and grammar police · Sydney