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Entries Tagged as 'rebuttals'

Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

July 12th, 2010 · 40 Comments

So, according to Susan and Amber, there’s a creeper on the loose in Orlando, Florida…one who has a penchant for peering in the bathroom windows of his female neighbors. (In this case, a window that some brilliant architect decided to position essentially in the shower.)

If you can read this, stop staring in our windows, PERVERT!

Of course, there’s always another side to the story.

Stop standing in front of the window naked, EXHIBITIONIST.

So, how ever could Susan and Amber resolve this tomato/tomahto dispute (aside from, you know, buying curtains)? Dr. Tobias Fünke, never-nude, to the rescue!

Dr. Tobias Fünke, never-nude, to the rescue!

related: Be more private with yourself

Tags: "up for debate" · neighbors · note wars · Orlando

Thinking outside the box

July 7th, 2010 · 86 Comments

“I have lived in my crappy building for over two years,” says our submitter from New York’s East Village. “It provides great entertainment, as we get a new set of notes built up on the wall every few months about issues such as people stealing Internet or the building smelling like cat pee. Then someone tears them down and we start over. (Though the building does usually smell of cat pee.)”

In the latest installment of note wars, the opening strike was launched by (she thinks) the building super.

Please do not put cardboard Boxes in Front of Building by Garbage. Leave in Hallway Lobby + Super will dispose properly.

Then some other anonymous apartment dweller threw in his or hew own (slightly flashier) take on the matter.


And lastly…

These signs contradict one another. If we can't put the boxes outside and we can't put them in the hallway, where, may I ask, are we to put them? Thank you.

UPDATE: The box weighs in.

And as for that whole “New Yorkers are jerks” stereotype? This cardboard breakdown — spotted by Dianna in Santa Barbara, California — shows that when it comes to condescending rants, East Coasters don’t have a monopoly on rudeness.

For the person who placed this discard in the trash area! Everyone or rather most people sharing this facility are aware at the ELEMENTARY level (as per the sign on the gate) that YOU break the cardboard down and place it in the recycle container. CONCLUSION: People like you will have a visceral reaction as usual and neglect your personal responsibility. You are predictable. Trash personnel and recycle pick up people are not your lackys [sic] nor are your neighbors.

related: Stick this down your garbage chute

Tags: excessive underlining · irregular capitalization · neighbors · New York · note wars · recycling

My parents pay $51,000 a year for this Ivory Tower, and I’m not going to leave it without a fight.

May 18th, 2010 · 134 Comments

Our submitter, P, is a sophomore at a certain university in upstate New York (the one that typically ties with Penn for the Ivy League university most people forget is actually in the Ivy League).

Students are moving out of the dorms this week, P says, so facilities management locked the building’s garbage chute to prevent it from overflowing. “Instead, residents are supposed to take the trash to a dumpster that’s a couple of feet away from the building — we even have an elevator!”

But what if your sense of entitlement is like, too heavy to make it to that elevator? Hello, note war!

I pay $51,000 a year to go to this school. I'm not walking my garbage downstairs when there is a fully functioning garbage chute behind this door. It will be in the hall waiting for you :)

Don't you understand that a facilities management person is going to have to carry all of your trash outside? Do you really think they get the $51,000 'YOU' pay? It doesn't matter how entitled you think you are, no one should have to deal with your mess or pick up after you. I would be so ashamed to call someone like you a friend or acquaintance. Unbelievable.

related: At Oberlin, that $48,000 a year doesn’t include toilet paper.

extra credit: What not to wear in Ithaca [Ivygate]

Tags: college life · garbage · Ithaca · just an asshole · note wars · smiley

Feel free to apologize

May 16th, 2010 · 39 Comments

“I found this posted on every vertical object within a block radius around Adam’s Point in Oakland,” says submitter JasonP. (I particularly enjoy point #4 of the response.)

Just a point of advice - If you're going to vandalize someone's building, don't be stupid enough to put the same logo on your vehicle and park it 4 blocks away 4 days later. Now I have your license plate number. Enjoy speaking with the cops.   1. I DID NOT

Meanwhile, a set of neighbors in Vancouver, B.C. were tussling over a similar case of mistaken identity.

Feel free to apologise

related: I’m not creepy, in fact…I’m quite gay.

extra credit: “But he was dressed like a ‘gang person,’ you guys!”

Tags: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · graffiti · mistaken identity · neighbors · noise · Oakland · Oops? · rebuttals · Vancouver · vandalism

Did you wash your hands? Well, did ya, punk?

May 13th, 2010 · 139 Comments

Every day, you watch them, in horror: Those vile, germ-laden, nether-region-wiping creatures who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet. Confronting the offenders directly wouldn’t work, because, well, you’re passive-aggressive, and that’s just not how you roll. So what to do next?

Well, you could dazzle them with some accusatory statistics…

97% of females say they wash their hands...Only 75% really do...Did you wash your hands?

…or attempt to appeal to the altruists in the audience.

Interested in a community service opportunity??? Wash your hands! Do it for the rest of us! :)

And maybe try to lure in the sports fans with the promise of some fun trivia!

Question: What is the overall record of wins and losses for Georgia versus Florida in football? To find out the answer, please wash your hands!

If they see through that little scheme, you could try patronizing your patrons outright…

Employees MUST wash hands before returning to work.Patrons SHOULD wash hands before returning to their tables.

…or just straight-up treat them like four-year-olds. (“Did you wash your hands?” “Yes.” “DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?” “I said yes!!!”)

Did you wash your hands? DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?

Perhaps even a dash of reverse psychology?

Jimmy the Germ says: 1) TOUCH your nose, eyes and mouth OFTEN! 2) DON'T wash your hands with soap! 3) NEVER wash your hands for more than 30 seconds! 4) NEVER use Sanitizing Hand Gel! LET'S ALL HELP JIMMY SURVIVE!

Of course, those less-straightforward techniques just might just backfire on you.  In that case, you could play the bully with THE CLIP ART THAT MUST BE STOPPED.


Or, if your clip-art collection is a bit larger…release the dragon!

Excuse me but could you please wash your hands so I don't have to sanitize the germs with my fire.

Not scary enough? Maybe it’s time to bust out the F word.

Flu season is back!!!! Please wash your hands before leaving the bathroom. (Washing hands is optional off season.)

WASH YOUR HANDS! You could same someone's life, OR you could cause someone's death. Yes, that means you.

Or the even scarier F-word: FECAL-ORAL.

Why wash your hands? It's the #1 activity that can reduce disease transmission! It reduces the spread of colds, flu, and bacterial conjunctivitis (

And if that still doesn’t work? Well, I guess you’ll just have to flounce away, invest in some latex gloves, and vow to hold it ’til you get home.

Several people are complaining that People on this floor are using the restroom and they are NOT washing their hands. Dirty hands spread disease. Please wash your hands. If you don't believe in washing your hands, please refrain from touching the copier, the coffee pot, the ice machine, door handles, the elevator button....etc. Please respect others around you and wash your hands! Thank you

(Thanks to Jen in Houston, Jenni in Spokane, Marley in Pittsburgh, Lindsey in Memphis, Laura in Richmond, and the many anonymous submitters for their contributions.)

related: Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

extra credit:  “On Washing Hands,” by Atul Gawande

extra extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Hand Soap

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · bullet points · clip art catastrophe · hygiene · office · rebuttals · restaurant · reverse psychology · rhetorical question · washing your hands

Why don’t you go park your car in Harvard Yard?

May 12th, 2010 · 85 Comments

Our submitter in Amherst, Massachusetts was heading to class at UMass one day when she saw no fewer than twelve of these signs posted throughout the hallways and doors of her apartment building.  “My neighbors had a fun time responding with comments all over them,” she says, at least for the day and half before they got taken down.

I think my favorite part of this one is the handwritten notes at the bottom. One neighbor suggests, “Perhaps you should talk to the people in this building instead of making them think you’re mean, dramatic and cowardly,” and the writer, pouty-faced, responds, “Well I have said this before and nobody listens.” (Unwritten response: “Boo-FUCKING-hoo. Sounds like somebody needs to get laid.” )

Do you see a fucking sign outside that says free parking?!!!! Get your freaking girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, crack dealer, etc. to go park somewhere else!!!! Just because you copulate on a regular basis doesn't mean they are entitled to make this their own personal free parking lot. I dish out over $500 fucking dollars a month to live here and so it is total and utter bullshit when I come back from campus at 3:15 in the fucking morning after a long ass day of work and I have to go find someplace else to park my car so I don't have to get a fucking ticket. If you are not paying rent here, go find some other fucking place to park your fucking car!

related: When parking gets political

Tags: bold underlined italics · car · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · jealous much? · Massachusetts · neighbors · parking · rebuttals

A not-so-friendly handshake

May 2nd, 2010 · 57 Comments

So, apparently this is a thing.

At a service station in the U.K., as Kerrie from London noticed, personal safety is the justification.


At a University in Florida, it’s cleanliness.

ATTENTION Please dry your hands with a paper towel instead of shaking your hands and water falling on the floor. It keeps the bathroom floor a lot cleaner. Thank you, Staff  Yeah, nevermind the environment. —Student It's okay I don't need trees. —Student

Meanwhile, in Canada…

Out of Stock Use Your Pants

related: Nobody likes electric hand dryers (except for ZOMG the Dyson Airblade!!!)

Tags: bathroom · disgruntled janitor · rebuttals · that's irresponsible · that's unsanitary · The Earth · washing your hands

Completely valid rebuttals

March 30th, 2010 · 103 Comments

More proof that — no matter how in the right you are — writing a note about it makes you kind of an airhose, too. Especially if you’re using Comic Sans.

From Elizabeth at CMU in Pittsburgh:

Do you leave annoying notes in the hall? You just might be self-righteous.

And from Drake at BYU in Provo, Utah:

DO NOT LEAN ON AIRHOSE!!! DON'T USE COMIC SANS!!! Better than Papyrus. TrueBetter than Papyrus. True

related: Please pickup your prints pomptly

extra credit: The man behind Comic Sans []

Tags: college life · Comic Sans Alert · door-slamming · most popular notes of 2010 · rebuttals · Utah

Do you feel inspired now?

March 18th, 2010 · 198 Comments

At our submitter’s college dorm in Lexington, Kentucky, one of the RAs posts an inspirational quote on the bathroom door each week. When one of the residents questioned why those “thoughts/encouragements” always happened to come from the Bible, the RA responded with a new source of inspiration.

You know, the Bible isn't the only place to get inspiration quotes FYI.

related: No bread and circuses! But maybe an ice cream social?

Tags: college life · Lexington · note wars · RA

The cat came back…this time.

March 15th, 2010 · 151 Comments

“This note magically appeared one day in our letter box late last year from an obviously unhappy neighbour,” says Anthony in Melbourne, Australia. “To this day we still don’t know the cat-hater, the cat owner, or the cat.”

To the person that placed this tag on my cat:  For some reason you have chosen to place this tag on my cat instead of calling the phone number attached to his collar.  I would like to discuss this matter in a civilized manner and would appreciate if you contact me on the number below.

related: Don’t feed the cat (or the trolls)

Tags: cats · kinda creepy · Melbourne · neighbors · rebuttals