Entries Tagged as 'restaurant'

This establishment is not “BYOO”

August 19th, 2012 · 56 Comments

So, apparently in Cuba, Missouri (pop. 3,071) folks take their onions seriously. (Would any Missourians out there care to explain?)

Attn. Customers This is a restaurant, please do not bring in alcoholic beverages, soft drinks, energy drinks, food, and that includes onions. Thank you, The Owners.

related: Yes, we wash our lemons!

Tags: restaurant · small town living · WTF?

This is not an all legs buffet.

July 11th, 2012 · 75 Comments

“Apparently chicken legs can cause quite the hullabaloo in a small town,” notes our submitter in Iowa.

!!BUFFET NOTICE!! We do our best to provide all pieces of chicken on our buffet. We offer a chicken buffet, not a

related: Sushi buffet rules

Tags: Iowa · most popular notes of 2012 · restaurant · small town living · stealing

A one-two brunch

June 10th, 2012 · 39 Comments

Writes Jennifer in Denver: “At the restaurant where I work, my co-worker has had some issues with the cooks not reading his tickets correctly.” (Apparently, Scott’s not one for the “you catch more flies with honey” approach.)

EGGS BENEDICT: PLEASE DON'T FUCK IT UP THIS TIME

related: How NOT to earn great restaurant tips

Tags: Denver · restaurant

The medium is the message

April 12th, 2012 · 34 Comments

I can’t speak for the food at the restaurant where Edwin works, but when it comes to this note from his boss, the irony is delicious.

Guest cks are NOT memo pads. Use scratch paper!

related: Please refrain from unintentional irony

Tags: now that's management · restaurant · Texas

(These parentheses are making my brain hurt)

February 21st, 2012 · 38 Comments

Michael says this chaotic jumble of parenthetical-underlined-CAPSLOCK has been up since he started working at this California sushi restaurant, much to his amusement.

Adds Michael: “I don’t care how much a customer tips me, I am not going to satisfy all of their needs.” (So, no rice dicks, then?)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW? (Personal phone calls during business hours) (Are you bothering others while they are working) (Too much fooling around and not paying attention to the customer) WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD MAKE YOUR JOB EASIER?!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? (Taking care of customer) (Direct to customer with a kind and calm voice) (Satisfying all of your customers' needs) DO IT RIGHT NOW! (PLEASE DO NOT BE LAZY) (DO NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW, DO IT NOW

Honestly, it’s that last missing parenthesis that really gets me. Just close it up! Do it now!

related: Under no circumstances shall any chef make a Rice Dick.

Tags: bizarro spacing · bold-underlined-caps · California · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · restaurant · You call that punctuation?

Soda stealers are the lowest forms of life!

November 22nd, 2011 · 66 Comments

The subtle version (from Denver, Colorado):

If you change your mind from water to soft drink, we will gladly assist you at the register.

And the not-so-subtle version (spotted by Ariana in Boulder, Colorado):

FREE REFILLS if you purchase a soda at the cash register, otherwise... ATTENTION: Soda stealers are the lowest form of life! If we catch you, we will break you down mentally and ridicule you in front of your friends. FAIR WARNING: Stop Stealing Soda. -Sorry - Deb

related: Is it really worth $1.59 to spend eternity in one of the lower kingdoms?

extra credit: Coke, Sprite, or Ice-T

Tags: beverages · Boulder · Colorado · Denver · restaurant · stealing

Welcome to the new employee breakroom!

November 16th, 2011 · 16 Comments

Apparently only the not-so-valuable employees get banished to this closet, as spotted by Lindsey in Kansas.

(Psst, Savanna! You might want to check this place out.)

Broom closet. No valuables. Employees only!

Meanwhile, Kristi in Oregon noticed that inner peace is apparently not on the menu for the general public at this vegetarian restaurant.

The Door to Inner Peace: EMPLOYEES ONLY!

related: The Sushi Nazi

Tags: Kansas · not so much passive-aggressive · restaurant

Stay classy, Fairbanks

October 10th, 2011 · 43 Comments

I’ll admit it: When reading the backstory to this note, I definitely raised an eyebrow at Mary’s assertion that this restaurant in Fairbanks, Alaska — Bobby’s Downtown — is best known for its “lavishly posh restrooms.” Then I took a look at the online reviews.

The bathrooms are the best thing about this restaurant.

"Best bathroom ever."

Now, as fascinated as I am by this whole “princess of the bathrooms” concept, I should probably get back to Mary — who, on her most recent visit to Bobby’s famous facilities, spotted a delightful new addition to the decor:

To the person who stole the previous 3 telephones:  I hope you really needed them, But your Actions speak louder!!! I will NOT let you spoil it for the rest of our customers!  Believe me I will catch you and it will not be a pretty picture when your name will appear on the front page of the newspaper, and you standing in front of a Judge trying to explain to the Law why you like stealing!  With much Love Always ... BOBBY.

To the person who stole the previous 3 telephones:  I hope you really needed them, But your Actions speak louder!!! I will NOT let you spoil it for the rest of our customers!  Believe me I will catch you and it will not be a pretty picture when your name will appear on the front page of the newspaper, and you standing in front of a Judge trying to explain to the Law why you like stealing!  With much Love Always ... BOBBY.

Boy, that is one issue of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner I cannot wait to see.

related: The Mad Hatter’s Tea Shop Rules

Tags: Alaska · bathroom · not-so-veiled threats · restaurant · signed with love · stealing

Nobody does a “polite notice” quite like the Brits

September 20th, 2011 · 38 Comments

“One of our local parks has a busy tea shop that’s popular with walkers, cyclists, families and people exercising their dogs,” says Clive in Brighton. “I don’t blame them for getting fed up with demanding dog owners, and I suppose a note is one way to communicate, but in rhyme? And, worse, rhyme this bad?”

We walk our dogs in Stanmer Park/We go to the cafe where they sit and bark/We put out water, sell doggy biscuits at the till/We provide a lead so they sit still/So when we are busy at the till and doggy water needs a fill, please give us a thought, please don't moan/Just collect your dog and take him home/Next time when doggy wants to roam bring some water and don't moan/we are here to do a job, and it's up to you to care for your dog

related: A polite notice to the owner of this marvelous vehicle

Tags: "customer service" · "polite notice" · dogs · don't blame us · martyr complex · pure poetry · restaurant · U.K.

Yeah…take that, Starbucks! [sob]

September 19th, 2011 · 68 Comments

While on vacation in New York City, Christine came across this sad little sign in the window of an indie cafe in the East Village.

Luckily for the shop’s current/future proprietors, this year’s G20 summit is in France. So don’t worry, passively-anti-corporate New Yorkers: soon you’ll almost certainly be free to fret over your Frappuccinos without fear of finding shards of broken glass in your whipped cream.

After 10 years at this location we have lost our lease and are being forced to close this store. We are heartbroken but not broken. It is our understanding that our store has been leased to Starbucks.

related: Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it!

related: Raging against the little guy

Tags: raging against the machine · restaurant · Starbucks