Entries Tagged as 'restaurant'
Every day, you watch them, in horror: Those vile, germ-laden, nether-region-wiping creatures who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet. Confronting the offenders directly wouldn’t work, because, well, you’re passive-aggressive, and that’s just not how you roll. So what to do next?
Well, you could dazzle them with some accusatory statistics…
…or attempt to appeal to the altruists in the audience.
And maybe try to lure in the sports fans with the promise of some fun trivia!
If they see through that little scheme, you could try patronizing your patrons outright…
…or just straight-up treat them like four-year-olds. (“Did you wash your hands?” “Yes.” “DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?” “I said yes!!!”)
Perhaps even a dash of reverse psychology?
Of course, those less-straightforward techniques just might just backfire on you. In that case, you could play the bully with THE CLIP ART THAT MUST BE STOPPED.
Or, if your clip-art collection is a bit larger…release the dragon!
Not scary enough? Maybe it’s time to bust out the F word.
Or the even scarier F-word: FECAL-ORAL.
And if that still doesn’t work? Well, I guess you’ll just have to flounce away, invest in some latex gloves, and vow to hold it ’til you get home.
(Thanks to Jen in Houston, Jenni in Spokane, Marley in Pittsburgh, Lindsey in Memphis, Laura in Richmond, and the many anonymous submitters for their contributions.)
related: Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance
extra credit: “On Washing Hands,” by Atul Gawande
extra extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Hand Soap
Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · bullet points · clip art catastrophe · hygiene · office · rebuttals · restaurant · reverse psychology · rhetorical question · washing your hands
…the proprietors of this Toronto bar will leave you pondering some different questions instead.
Meanwhile, as Will observed, a Shell station in Austin apparently abides by a similar “honesty is the best” policy.
…as does a shopping center in Tyler, Texas, where Erin spotted this explanation (on a 100-degree July day).
Similar venting was on display at a store in Ironton, Ohio. (“For the record, I cannot validate whether or not the ‘oner’ was an in fact an asshole,” says submitter Meagan.)
And smetimes, of course, brutal honesty isn’t enough.
So really, why bother with an explanation at all?
related: Closed for good! Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it.
Tags: "customer service" · bar · don't blame us · drugs · most popular notes of 2010 · Norway · Ohio · raging against the machine · restaurant · retail hell · spelling and grammar police · Texas · Toronto
At least a half-dozen submitters (including Spencer, Kelsae, and Mark) would pick this one — from a pizzeria in Provo, Utah.
“For those who don’t know, “lower kingdoms” comes from Mormon theology, where they believe that people are sorted out into three kingdoms instead of the traditional heaven and hell option,” Kelsae says.
Adds Spencer: “There’s a stack of plastic cups in the public’s reach for use either for water or soda, depending on whether you paid or not. The influence this business avers on final judgment, combined with overt Mormon theology (the the staff signatures include both Captain Moroni and Nephite #2) made me both wince and chuckle.”
related: nosy Provo neighbors
Tags: beverages · Jesus · Provo · restaurant · Utah · you're like so going to hell
Noah in Richmond, Virginia spotted this earnest plea in the bathroom of “a funky little coffee shop” on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. “The sign was also on a bulletin board in the middle of the shop as well,” he says — “just in case the thief was avoiding the scene of the crime.”
And if you doubt Edie’s ability to get aggressive on your personal-art-piece-thievin’ ass, just wait ’til she catches you in the act. We’ll see how your bathroom art collection looks when she’s through with you!
(I’d like to imagine the follow-up note going something like: “Damn it, Edie, no one wants to see your ‘personal art pieces.’ For the millionth time…FLUSH!“)
related: Get your “nozzle” off my “hose”
Tags: art · ellipses-crazed · North Carolina · restaurant · stealing · WTF?
Jack in Baltimore spotted this notice at a Maryland Chinese restaurant with a $7 all-you-can-eat sushi buffet. (Overall, a pretty good deal, Jack says…if you’re comfortable the idea of eating “discount” raw fish.) But while most all-you-can eat buffets make their margins by filling you up with a bounty of cheap carbolicious fare, that strategy doesn’t seem to be working out too well here. (Either that, or the proprietors here are pretty hardcore purists about the consumption — if not the spelling — of their nigiri sushi.)
I’d like to imagine this sign (source: “the Internet”) as the next in the series.
related: the all-you-can-spell buffet
Tags: Maryland · restaurant
Laura in Los Angeles spotted this note at a tropical-themed family restaurant in Rosemead, California, where aquariums figure heavily into the decor. The biggest fish, Laura says, occupies his (her?) own tank at the front of the restaurant.
Piscine body image issues aside, as a former casual-dining restaurant hostess — a job that generally means bearing the brunt of the bullshit from pissy customers, stressed-out servers, and douche-nozzle managers with very little power to make anyone happy — I can certainly empathize with the note writer…though I highly doubt it’s actually eliminated the litany of the “oh, that poor fish!” comments that inspired it.
related: no, yuppie, my cow’s not starving
Tags: anthropomorphism · California · exclamation-point happy!!!! · fish · restaurant
Writes Marni in Brooklyn: “We tried this restaurant back when they first opened. The food was pretty bad, it took forever to arrive, and I believe our waitress quit or was fired (either way, there was some yelling) during our meal.
“Many gimmicks involving morning coffee were attempted, but the signage made the food look really unappealing, the type of cuisine was unclear, and there are so many restaurants in Park Slope that if you can’t stand out for good reasons, you’re just not going to succeed. Trying to make the neighborhood feel guilty about it ain’t gonna work.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean they won’t try!
Another small business CLOSED FOR GOOD, as spotted by the ulterior epicure in Lawrence, Kansas:
And by Erich in London, Ontario:
And in Tyler, Texas:
related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s
Tags: guilt trip · restaurant · retail hell · thanks (but not really)
Writes our anonymous submitter: “I own a restaurant, and the writer of the note is a college student who has worked for me for a while now. Yesterday, her pal flatly refused to put on her uniform (a chef coat) and I was so tired of her shenanigans that I roared at her right before service to get out. I was actually surprised that the writer of the note didn’t ‘sympathy quit’ right then, but her professionalism clearly shines through in this note.”
p.p.p.p.s. God, I hope this girl shows up on a Bravo/Food Network reality show. I need more of this delicious naivete!
related: this shit is bananas
Tags: butterflies are so passive-aggressive · farewell letter · nice stationery · p.s. · restaurant · The Earth
A message from your friendly fast food worker, Corey in Mount Pleasant, Michigan: “Sometimes, food service customers do not fully appreciate the people/work that goes into making their orders. It’s thought that spitting in someone’s sandwich is routine, but we often find the secret messages to be more satisfying.”
related: this is why your server is cranky
Tags: "customer service" · raging against the machine · restaurant
Just remember: smashing packets of condiments might be a festive way to celebrate, but it’ll cost you.
(Thanks to Coral from Minnesota for the photo.)
related: Deviled egg, anyone?
Tags: restaurant · smiley