as previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.

as it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!
for example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.

quickly, however, things start to get [...]

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writes marni in brooklyn: “we tried this restaurant back when they first opened. the food was pretty bad, it took forever to arrive, and i believe our waitress quit or was fired (either way, there was some yelling) during our meal. many gimmicks involving morning coffee were attempted, but the signage made the food look [...]

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writes jaime in austin: “my husband and i lift weights at gold’s gym and we love it (no, really!) — except for their new signage reminding people to mop up their sweat.”

meanwhile, next door…
(well, sort of.) kathryn spotted this similarly understated/backhanded message in a chichi orlando, florida boutique.

related: like a rotten sponge

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evan in san diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift store. “i particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the spanish translation,” evan adds. “it’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”

related: when nature calls

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i mean, really…messages like this are just chum for bored teenagers, no?
writes marc from chicago: “i saw this in a small town off route 26 in nebraska. as soon as i finished snapping photos of the signs, the woman who ran the drive-thru came out and demanded to know what i was doing. once she [...]

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jennifer in echo park admits that she stole this note under the cover of night, (she found it stuck with silver electrical tape to the back of a battered electrician’s work truck) BUT, she contends, ” i would never ever steal someone’s leather pants (out of their truck). i am not a monster.”

meanwhile, claudia’s friend [...]

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our anonymous submitter in seattle, an artist, used to pass the downtime at his day job by doodling on boxes. “they know it was me,” our submitter says, but instead of, you know, confronting him, management decided — in true passive-aggressive style — to hang this critique up for all to see.

related: just a friendly [...]

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our submitter, b., was shopping at a shoe pavilion in san francisco when she realized she really needed to use the facilities. although there was no public restroom in sight, she did spy the familiar infographic just beyond a doorway marked “employees only.” when she ducked inside, b. was greeted by this sublimely creepy warning [...]

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this masterpiece is a gift from the collection of zedral (morgantown, west virginia, 2008). the original installation also includes a trail of small arrows pointing customers toward the register, along with multiple post-it reiterations along the way.

related: ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

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5. being a stupid, retarded jerk.

4. what, can’t you read?

3. seriously, are you fucking illiterate?

2. do we look like the kind of store that sells “i just called to say i love you”?

and last but not least…
1. the internet (probably)

extra credit: thanks, mr. hipster

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at the circuit city in bradenton, florida (which i envision something like this) one anonymous employee reports that much of the staff’s downtime is spent obsessively playing guitar hero 3 in the store’s break room. they even have a 42-inch wall-mounted flatscreen expressly for this purpose. or at least, they did, until about a month [...]

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ruben in oregon works for an apple reseller where the managers like to fire up the sales team with little competitions. (iphones don’t sell themselves, people! for that, you’ll have to hold out for version 2.0.) when josh, the store’s very own dwight schrute, was pronounced the winner of a recent contest, things unfolded pretty [...]

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mara in minneapolis ( average temperature in january: 12° F/-11° C) says the worst job she’s ever had was at a local thrift store – and not because of the crazy customers and their indiscreet use of the fitting rooms. no, like many workers, the crazy person driving mara crazy was her boss — [...]

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i thought it was pretty crazy when jessie sent in this sign from a thrift store in wilmington, north carolina a few months back…

then ashley sent in this eerily similar note from a thrift store in barnegat, new jersey. seriously, what is it about thrift stores that makes people want to shit in the fitting [...]

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writes deanne: “because orlando prides itself on being a friendly city, we tend to do most of our dirty work via passive-aggressive notes and signs. this one is from the front door of a tacky tourist shop on international drive. i can get past the reference to ‘plane rude’ but the ‘macdonalds’ analogy is a [...]

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keith spotted this note in the employee break room of a clothing store outside of hartford, conn. the kicker? according to the employees, says keith, “after the note was posted, the guy spitefully mixed the selection buttons up even worse.”

(altogether now: “that gatorade is…”)

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