PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » retail hell

So…atheists shop for free?

Kerry — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 04:55:27 +0000

Spotted by Analee at Houston’s annual Nutcracker Market, “a holiday shopping wonderland“…

It’s a backbreaker.

Kerry — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 01:21:03 +0000

As amused as Emily in Houston was by this item description at the local Salvation Army store, she had to empathize a bit with the poor sucker who wrote it. (“The desk really was large and heavy-looking,” she says.)

Where cursing thieves with crippling violence has a 2000-year-old precedent

Kerry — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:19:57 +0000

Spotted by Vicky at an antiques shop in Bath, England: a modern twist on the ancient local tradition of curse tablets. (To quote Wikipedia: “About 130 curse tablets have been found at Aquae Sulis, now Bath in England, where many of the curses related to thefts of clothes whilst the victim was bathing.”)

related: Law & Order: Social Media Unit

extra credit: Curse tablets of Roman Britain

Not one for small talk, eh?

Kerry — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 18:00:17 +0000

Spotted by Helen in the window of a shop in Haworth, West Yorkshire.

(It was closed.)

Law & Order: Social Media Unit

Kerry — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 02:57:43 +0000

Kelly in Halifax was on her way to the bus terminal when a note in the window of a small souvenir shop caught her eye. A few days later, she spotted an update, too.

(And no, the black bars weren’t present in the original photos.)

…and leave off the last “S” for “stolen”?

Kerry — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 01:50:50 +0000

Allie in Ypsilanti, Michigan was walking into her local Target store when she noticed this little art installation on the sidewalk outside. Granted, she says, “The closest Wal-Mart is about two miles away, and I have no idea how the cart got there either.”

The chalk artist had also drawn purple arrows across the parking lot in the direction of the Wal-Mart, and while Allie says she didn’t check to see if the chalk lines extended all the way to the store, “drawing the arrows but not taking the cart back would have been pretty P-A.”

Meanwhile, Michi spotted this piece of guerilla knitwork chained to a post near NYU. (“It was, on inspection, empty.”)

extra credit: Why Wal-Mart’s current business model is doomed [AdAge]

Area woman shocked by discovery: “service employees have families too?”

Kerry — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 22:57:56 +0000

“We are normally a 24-hour store,” writes our submitter in Portland, Oregon, “but we close early for Christmas.” At least one customer found this policy to be most unsatisfactory — as evidenced by the holiday greeting she left behind.

It’s called “performance art.”

Kerry — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 02:52:05 +0000

Based on this example — spotted by Erin in the employee restroom of an AT&T Store in Los Angeles — I think the Kiwis have a clear edge over us Yanks…at least when it comes to smartass bathroom snark.

extra credit: National stereotypes according to Google Autofill [buzzfeed.com]

Service with a snarl

Kerry — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 01:50:58 +0000

Fact: Working in a customer service position that necessitates long-term exposure to one’s fellow humans carries a significant risk of developing acute, potentially incurable, misanthropy. And if you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, treatment is especially hard to find.

Exhibit a) From a roadside store in “the armpit of California” (as witnessed on separate occasions by both Dirk and Danielle)

Exhibit b) From a NON-fast food restaurant in the backwaters of Louisiana

Exhibit c) From a diner in a speck of a town called Endicott, Nebraska. (Adds submitter Jill: “They also have a stuffed two-headed calf!”)

Could you spare a tissue for the lady?

Kerry — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 04:19:04 +0000

When Sal spotted this notice at an athletic clothing store in San Diego, he says that while he couldn’t quite picture how a tissue would get the job done in this situation — not to mention how this policy came to be — “I figured it was best not to ask questions.”

Meanwhile, when I first read this sign — from a club in Vancouver — my first thought was, “Well, that seems like a reasonable enough request.” Our submitter, Cherisse, begs to differ. “Sadly, there is no bathroom backstage,” she explains, ” wnd when a girl’s gotta go, sometimes the other end of the club is a long ways a way.” She adds: “If it wasn’t for the used paper towels being left outside, no one ever would have known.”

So… like Sal, I’m gonna say it’s probably best not to ask too many questions about this one.

The dos and don’ts of “Do not touch”

Kerry — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 02:56:59 +0000

Nadia in Greensboro, North Carolina spotted this gem of a “you break it, you buy it” specimen at a local thrift store. “Apparently,” she writes, “Secondhand Punctuation Has Its Drawbacks? You Can’t Pick And Choose? You Have To Make Do With What You Have On Hand? Handwritten Notes Are Not Exceptions?”

The D.C. tourist trap that Amy visited took a less tentative tack with its signage, though I doubt the “four times is better than one” approach is any more effective.

These two stores, on the other hand, pretty much nail it with reverse psychology.

related: As Davy Crockett once said…

God’s word is…well, a little confusing, at least for a 7-year-old.

Kerry — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 01:38:51 +0000

Larissa in Tacoma, Washington recently sent her 7-year-old son, Silas, to a week of Bible camp. When he came home, Larissa says, she wondered if the experience hadn’t left him a bit…conflicted…especially after seeing the pillow he made during craft time.

(“Rouls,” by the way, is not Silas’s last name. That’s the 7-year-old spelling of “RULES.”)

Meanwhile, I can see how the sign below, from a candy store in Rayne, Louisiana — which I assume was intended to deter this theft — could easily send a particular type of child into a tailspin of religious guilt.

Is God smiling? How do I know if God’s smiling? Does God like chocolate? I don’t think chocolate’s in the Bible. But Proverbs says: ‘My child, eat honey, for it is good.’ So maybe I should get a Bit o’ Honey instead. But a Bit o’ Honey costs more than 50 cents, and Mom said I could only spend 50 cents. So then I’d be dishonoring my parents, and that wouldn’t make God happy. So maybe I should…maybe I should….[bursts into tears]

In case you were wondering why we’re closed

Kerry — Tue, 11 May 2010 02:35:45 +0000

…the proprietors of this Toronto bar will leave you pondering some different questions instead.

Meanwhile, as Will observed, a Shell station in Austin apparently abides by a similar “honesty is the best” policy.

…as does a shopping center in Tyler, Texas, where Erin spotted this explanation (on a 100-degree July day).

Similar venting was on display at a store in Ironton, Ohio. (“For the record, I cannot validate whether or not the ‘oner’ was an in fact an asshole,” says submitter Meagan.)

And smetimes, of course, brutal honesty isn’t enough.

So really, why bother with an explanation at all?

What does “fashion forward” mean to you?

Kerry — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 23:10:28 +0000

When you work in the fashion business — like our submitter, a sales associate at a trendy boutique — being “fashion forward” often translates to just “forward.”

Or (like Lisa‘s coworker), straight-up bitchy.

Sometimes (as Rhonda in Boston noticed) working in fashion is somewhat akin to being, say, a life coach.

Or, just as likely…a drug counselor.

related: Yo, sweaty beasts!