…the proprietors of this Toronto bar will leave you pondering some different questions instead.

Meanwhile, as Will observed, a Shell station in Austin apparently abides by a similar “honesty is the best” policy.

…as does a shopping center in Tyler, Texas, where Erin spotted this explanation (on a 100-degree July day).

Similar venting was on display at a store in Ironton, Ohio. (“For the record, I cannot validate whether or not the ‘oner’ was an in fact an asshole,” says submitter Meagan.)

And smetimes, of course, brutal honesty isn’t enough.

So really, why bother with an explanation at all?

related: Closed for good! Remember that the cheese loved you more than you loved it.

When you work in the fashion business — like our submitter, a sales associate at a trendy boutique — being “fashion forward” often translates to just “forward.”

Or (like Lisa‘s coworker), straight-up bitchy.

Sometimes (as Rhonda in Boston noticed) working in fashion is somewhat akin to being, say, a life coach.

Or, just as likely…a drug counselor.

related: Yo, sweaty beasts!

Gail in Pennsylvania says the Ann Taylor Loft store at her local mall has a small table stocked with paper and crayons — “an offering to the busy mother who has been forced to bring her pesky little children along for a shopping trip.”

When she took a closer look at the table’s scribblings, however, she had to chuckle at the sitcom-like image of a grown man stuffed into one those kiddie-sized chairs. Adds Gail: “I wonder if Greg’s wife ever saw her wonderful husband’s little PA note to the world? Well, here’s her chance!”

related: Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

Sure, Redbox and Netflix may have been the death of their former stomping grounds. Yet as Erin in San Diego noticed while shopping for DVDs at her local Best Buy, at least one of those condescending cinephiles has condescended to grace us with her presence (and her oh-so-artistic ampersands?) in big-box land.

Meanwhile, as Ali noticed, a Blockbuster in Calgary seems to be having similar HR problems.

related: Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I just called to say I love you”?

Wayne and his son were watching the Kite Festival in Huntington Beach, California when they noticed these signs outside a shop on the pier. Says Wayne: “It was a cool store.”

related: Just plane rude

Alexandra and her best friend David were thrift-store shopping in Memphis, Tennessee when they spotted this sign (in the restroom, this time…not the fitting room).

What I love about this one is that, unlike most of its kind, this notice doesn’t issue any kind of directive (e.g. “Hey nitwits, don’t flush the merchandise!!!”), nor does it directly address the salient issue at hand (Does the toilet actually work now, or not?). Because, really, a simple “Out of Order” sign would have sufficed, if the latter were the case. Instead, it’s just like, “This one time, at band camp…”

In place of “Thank You,” I think it should say “The End.” Or maybe: “Who the hell wipes with a child’s T-shirt?!”

related: What is it about thrift store dressing rooms?

As previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.

As it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!

For example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.

Quickly, however, things start to get very un-p.c. (And also…very creepy.)

This version, in fact, is almost as popular as the original. (Other examples here and here and here and here and here and…is that a machete?)

Child slavery? Now that’s comedy gold. But really, why stop there? Why not “unattended children will be trafficked into child prostitution”? “Unattended children will be sold to pedophiles”? Or anally probed? or…

Hilarious, right?

related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

Writes Marni in Brooklyn: “We tried this restaurant back when they first opened. The food was pretty bad, it took forever to arrive, and I believe our waitress quit or was fired (either way, there was some yelling) during our meal.

“Many gimmicks involving morning coffee were attempted, but the signage made the food look really unappealing, the type of cuisine was unclear, and there are so many restaurants in Park Slope that if you can’t stand out for good reasons, you’re just not going to succeed. Trying to make the neighborhood feel guilty about it ain’t gonna work.”

Of course, that doesn’t mean they won’t try!

Another small business CLOSED FOR GOOD, as spotted by the ulterior epicure in Lawrence, Kansas:

And by Erich in London, Ontario:

And in Tyler, Texas:

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s