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Entries Tagged as 'retail hell'

Gone, but not bitter or anything

August 30th, 2009 · 156 Comments

Writes Marni in Brooklyn: “We tried this restaurant back when they first opened. The food was pretty bad, it took forever to arrive, and I believe our waitress quit or was fired (either way, there was some yelling) during our meal.

“Many gimmicks involving morning coffee were attempted, but the signage made the food look really unappealing, the type of cuisine was unclear, and there are so many restaurants in Park Slope that if you can’t stand out for good reasons, you’re just not going to succeed. Trying to make the neighborhood feel guilty about it ain’t gonna work.”

Of course, that doesn’t mean they won’t try!

closed sign from Delicious on the Slope in Park Slope, Brooklyn

Another small business CLOSED FOR GOOD, as spotted by the ulterior epicure in Lawrence, Kansas:

remember the cheese loved you more than you loved it, from Lawrence, Kansas

And by Erich in London, Ontario:

yet another business closed due to urban sprawl

And in Tyler, Texas:

Thank you for not shopping at Circuit City

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

Tags: guilt trip · restaurant · retail hell · thanks (but not really)

Know sweat

July 7th, 2009 · 92 Comments

Writes Jaime in Austin: “My husband and I lift weights at Gold’s Gym and we love it (no, really!) — except for their new signage reminding people to mop up their sweat.”

Know you can wipe off the machine when you're done. (No, really you can.)

Meanwhile, next door…

(Well, sort of.) Kathryn spotted this similarly understated/backhanded message in an upscale Orlando, Florida boutique.

NOTICE WELCOME  Dear ladies,  Please, ladies if you just worked out next door and not showered we ask for your consideration, please do not try any clothing.   Thank you, Management

related: Like a rotten sponge

Tags: Austin · gym · hygiene · Orlando · retail hell

Consider this!!!

June 23rd, 2009 · 121 Comments

Evan in San Diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift shop. “I particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the Spanish translation,” Evan adds. “It’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”

Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

related: When nature calls


Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

Tags: Espanol · guilt trip · oh no you didn't · questionable logic · retail hell · San Diego · stealing

Askin’ for it

April 13th, 2009 · 131 Comments

Writes Marc from Chicago: “I saw this in a small town off Route 26 in Nebraska. As soon as I finished snapping photos of the signs, the woman who ran the drive-thru came out and demanded to know what I was doing. Once she realized that I was not there to mess with the sign, she became friendly. Evidently, the situation was exactly as it appeared: unidentified no-goodniks had been swiping the letters from the sign or re-arranging the amiable witticisms (‘Men, I don’t understand. Chocolate, I’m an expert!’) into significantly ruder form.”

Our signs will end if people don't leave them alone

askin' for it

Meanwhile, Rikki spotted this sign (which may or may not be an homage to this one, which made the rounds on the interweb a few years back) in downtown Oklahoma City.

Lo Siento!

related: and pull up your sign

Tags: Nebraska · Oklahoma · restaurant · retail hell · stealing · vandalism

Southern California: it’s hard out here for a goth

February 24th, 2009 · 68 Comments

Jennifer in Echo Park admits that she stole this note under the cover of night — she found it stuck with silver electrical tape to the back of a battered electrician’s work truck — BUT, she contends, “I would never ever steal someone’s leather pants (out of their truck). I am not a monster.”

To the thief who stole my leather pants out of my truck: those were very sentimental to me and you will never know their value. So please put them back.

Meanwhile, Sam in Pomona snapped this photo at the local Wal-Mart. Will this persecution never end?!

Attn: Customers please ask for assistance for black eyeliner. Thank You [IT'S BECAUSE YOU STEAL]

related: I know where she lives

Tags: California · guilt trip · Los Angeles · retail hell · stealing

Art depreciation

February 2nd, 2009 · 256 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Seattle, an artist, used to pass the downtime at his day job by doodling on boxes. “They know it was me,” our submitter says, but instead of, you know, confronting him, management decided — in true passive-aggressive style — to hang this critique up for all to see.

About the art-work we're finding around here — It's hard for us to believe that it's not cutting into work production time. Though it is nice artwork, let's focus on having a nice store :)

related: Just a friendly reminder [you hussy you!] ;)

Tags: a little patronizing · art · now that's management · retail hell · Seattle · smiley

The Man™: now available in convenient mini-me size!

October 16th, 2008 · 95 Comments

Our submitter, B., was shopping at a shoe store in San Francisco when she realized she really needed to use the facilities. Although there was no public restroom in sight, she did spy the familiar infographic just beyond a doorway marked “employees only.” When she ducked inside, B. was greeted by this sublimely creepy warning from management[!].

If you are in the bathroom longer than 15 minutes, It will be considered your break. Don't make us get a timer! Thank You, Management!

Meanwhile, Chelsea’s boss at the La Quinta in Perrysburg, Ohio managed to dial up the creepy just a smidge more.

Apparently disatisfied with the staff’s response to her frequent written notes, the hotel manager brought in this doll — which chelsea says “looked exactly like her” — to do the job instead. (Er, so to speak.)

I'm watching YOU

related: So many questions

Tags: big brother-ish · crazy boss · now that's management · Ohio · retail hell · San Francisco

Garçon à la pipe?

July 13th, 2008 · 143 Comments

This masterpiece is a gift from the collection of Zedral (Morgantown, West Virginia, 2008). The original installation also includes a trail of small arrows pointing customers toward the register, along with multiple post-it reiterations along the way.

For the love of God...Please GO as in get in line at the register if you want a pipe. DO NOTE whistle, clap, snap your finger, mumble "hey you" or anything else you would do to a dog. Come and get us at the cash register.

related: Ceci n’est pas une note passif-agressif

Tags: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · excessive underlining · Morgantown · retail hell

Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

June 26th, 2008 · 178 Comments

5. Being a stupid, illiterate jerk.

If you are physically or mentally incapable or putting these back in their correct spots, then please just leave them there. DO NOT just stick it anywhere just because you are in a hurry. People that do that PISS me off and make it hard for everyone else who knows the alphabet and is looking for a CD that is supposed to be there but isn't. If you are a JERK who is stashing the CD with the intention of coming back for it, you are LYING to yourself. We'd be happy to hold it until the end of the next day if you would just let us know. DON'T BE STOOPID!!!

4. What, can’t you read?

'Scuze us a sec...If you don't know the alphabet very well or you haven't been fully trained on how to put records back where they belong, please leave and come back with someone who can accompany you through this confusing process. For our good customers, please enjoy our current selection!

3. Seriously, are you fucking illiterate?

 EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY!!! Do NOT use this door as an exit unless there is an emergency. If you use this door, you'll be met by us at the top of the stars and possibly held for the police as a shoplifter. At the very least, you'll be 86'd from both Recycled Records, never to return. Neither of us would like to see that happen, now would we? After all, the stuff's only a buck...

2. Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I just called to say I love you”?

No more than two questions per customer

And last but not least…

1. The Internet (probably)

related: Our customers are always right…except when they’re wrong.

extra credit: thanks, mr. hipster

Tags: "customer service" · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Ithaca · most popular notes of 2008 · music · retail hell

In-game placement would have scored much higher in user engagement

January 21st, 2008 · 62 Comments

At the Circuit City in Bradenton, Florida (which I envision something like this) one anonymous employee reports that much of the staff’s downtime is spent obsessively playing Guitar Hero 3 in the store’s breakroom. They even have a 42-inch wall-mounted flatscreen expressly for this purpose. Or at least, they did, until about a month ago.


Our anonymous employee takes umbrage with two issues here. First of all, “there are more than 50 employees who share this room. Does it really look that dirty?” And second, the fact that “instead of reminding us to pick up during any one of our 30 daily meetings, someone actually wasted the time to TAKE PICTURES of the ‘mess’ and hang them in place of the TV. Wouldn’t a simple, ‘hey y’all, clean up your shit?’ have been much, much more efficient?”

What is this “efficiency” of which you speak? It’s certainly not in the retail management handbook!

related: office anthropomorphism

Tags: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Florida · now that's management · retail hell · that's disrespectful · visual aids