PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » rhetorical question

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Kerry — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 01:17:04 +0000

Shaun in Austin spotted this mysterious complaint in the men’s room at his office. (Apparently all of the males employed there are very, very sensitive.)

So NOT where I thought that one was going…

Kerry — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 22:34:27 +0000

Writes Stacey in Massachusetts: “The church around the corner from my house is famous for the little rants on their sign, but this one definitely takes the cake.” Obviously, texting while driving isn’t cool, but as Stacey put it: “For a church, it just seems a bit…hostile.”

Meanwhile, I just opened up the August issue of Texas Monthly to see this slightly more gently worded version…

related: Sincerely, God

extra credit: Church sign generator

People suck. (A valuable lesson for any 4-year-old)

Kerry — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 03:46:15 +0000

Cait spotted this artful example of parental passive-aggression “in front of a very, very wealthy residence” in New York’s East Village. “I get that ripping up the flowers was a douchey move,” Cait says, “but this seems a little over the top.”

To which I’d add: Um, yes. (They had me at the first semicolon.)

Meanwhile, across the globe, another 4-year-old was given a similar learning experience. In Australia, however, they don’t bother beating around the bush.*

*Apologies. Bad pun intended.

Did you wash your hands? Well, did ya, punk?

Kerry — Fri, 14 May 2010 00:15:02 +0000

Every day, you watch them, in horror: Those vile, germ-laden, nether-region-wiping creatures who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet. Confronting the offenders directly wouldn’t work, because, well, you’re passive-aggressive, and that’s just not how you roll. So what to do next?

Well, you could dazzle them with some accusatory statistics…

…or attempt to appeal to the altruists in the audience.

And maybe try to lure in the sports fans with the promise of some fun trivia!

If they see through that little scheme, you could try patronizing your patrons outright…

…or just straight-up treat them like four-year-olds. (“Did you wash your hands?” “Yes.” “DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?” “I said yes!!!”)

Perhaps even a dash of reverse psychology?

Of course, those less-straightforward techniques just might just backfire on you. In that case, you could play the bully with THE CLIP ART THAT MUST BE STOPPED.

Or, if your clip-art collection is a bit larger…release the dragon!

Not scary enough? Maybe it’s time to bust out the F word.

Or the even scarier F-word: FECAL-ORAL.

And if that still doesn’t work? Well, I guess you’ll just have to flounce away, invest in some latex gloves, and vow to hold it ’til you get home.

(Thanks to Jen in Houston, Jenni in Spokane, Marley in Pittsburgh, Lindsey in Memphis, Laura in Richmond, and the many anonymous submitters for their contributions.)

extra credit: “On Washing Hands,” by Atul Gawande

“What if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus?”

Kerry — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:51:18 +0000

As this note from Columbus, Ohio demonstrates, ’tis the season to be hilariously self-righteous!

related: All I want for Christmas

extra credit: Baby Jesus Theft [Wikipedia]
Roundup of stolen Baby Jesus reports [Wonkette]
Baby Jesus found! [FOUND Magazine]

But what about Hawaiian shirt day?

Kerry — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 23:27:07 +0000

Our submitter, Glenn, says this all-staff e-mail “just kinda sucked the life out of us” around his office. “It was like a Mom saying ‘Guess what, kids?” in a really excited voice, and then saying ‘You’re going to the dentist!!!‘”

But the best part of this note — besides the pitch-perfect forced jollity — is the fact that at the time this message was sent, only one person in the office (Glenn) happened to have long sideburns and a “fun” faux hawk. So, gosh darn it, life is still good!

related: the classic all-staff e-mail

And all the pieces matter

Kerry — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 21:41:46 +0000

“If it wasn’t for the handwriting,” says Lauren in California, “I would have guessed my mom wrote it.”

Meanwhile, Carson in Valencia found this note (crudely laminated with packing tape) attached to a tree while walking his dog in the park. “Maybe next time Maggie will think twice about leaving her ceramic cats unattended,” he says.

And in Seattle…

“In the pot-snatcher’s defense, people leave furniture and the like on the street all over this area of town as acts of charity, so it definitely would have been an easy mistake for anyone to make,” Josef says, adding: “When I took this picture, the homeowner was glaring at me from the garage the whole time. Bad vibes, man.”

Help yourself

Kerry — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 15:40:23 +0000

Spotted by doppelfrog at London’s Paddington station…

related: Water, water everywhere

Choose-your-own adventure memo

kerry — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 13:45:12 +0000

Daniel saw this note in a men’s room on the 59th floor of the Empire State Building, where he confirms the toilets were indeed frequently left unflushed.

related: Priorities

Who are you calling OCD?

kerry — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:55:53 +0000

This just in: starving unborn children aren’t the only casualties of office fridge lunch thievery. As one anonymous New Yorker reports, now the sick and the infirm are being picked off, too!

(Thank you kindly? Best wishes? Hungry on the 12th floor, you kill me.)

Your to lazy

Kerry — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 02:10:56 +0000

Those troublemakers requesting more crazy apartment notes can thank our anonymous submitter (a GM at a property management firm in Springfield, Missouri) for today’s masterpiece. “One of our resident managers delivered this letter to 115 units at her property, then e-mailed me a copy because she was REALLY proud of it,” our submitter writes. “I got halfway through and realized I had to send it to you.”

Now, for the complaints…

Dear Vandal

Kerry — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 06:40:54 +0000

“Random people seem to have a lot of fun vandalizing Portland’s many bus stops,” says Kathryn. “Several of the stops I use frequently have had their schedules removed, which is oh-so-helpful. The other day when I went to the stop in front of my office to go home, I noticed this little note. They even took the time to laminate it!”

Really, enough with the weather

Kerry — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 15:57:57 +0000

This one — from Cassandra in Toronto — makes me wince. Seriously, ouch.

May the sanctity of the sink prevail!!

Kerry — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 09:32:25 +0000

(From Midgy in Madison, Wisconsin.)