Explains our submitter in Ohio: “Before leaving for winter break, the chronic dish-neglecting roommate of the house tried her hand at washing dishes for the first time.” Not content to pat herself on the back, she then posted this rationalization for why she shouldn’t have to feel guilty about the dirty dishes she’s left in the sink all year.

You can pretty much guess how that went over with the roomies…

related: Because of you, the shower I was looking forward to all day was RUINED!

Welcome to the set of Mean Girls: Orlando!

The initial note:

And the response…

related:  Oh sweetie, I love it when you talk dirty!

Apparently Meaghan’s roommates weren’t happy with how she disposed of her bang trimmings in the recycling bin. But c’mon, at least she didn’t leave em in the sink or the shower drain, right? Or…maybe she was confused about how the whole “locks of love” thing works? Or…aww, screw it. Can’t you bitches all just get along?

related: Dear mother of hair baby…

When four people share one bathroom, true equity in toilet-paper purchasing is nearly impossible to come by without conflict.

Just take a look at the opening salvo issued at Laura’s apartment in Georgia:

…and the first response:

Your move, “Scott.”

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

“My two roommates have been locked in a butter war all week,” our submitter in Oregon reports. “One will pull out the butter to let it soften, and as soon as she walks away, the other will put it back in the fridge.”

Although our submitter says she’s made a point of staying out the debate, she spotted this note on her way out the door this morning…

By the time she returned home from class, a second note had appeared as well.

Adds our submitter: “I’m pretty sure the butter won’t actually kill me as the pink note says, but I also wonder how long the other roommate spent picking out a font for the printed note. Also: one roommate is a comm major and the other studies history. See if you can guess which is which.”

related: Live and not-so-active roommate culture

Option a) “Hey, Iva, could you buy some TP? We’re out.”

Option b) Several weeks of seething funneled into eight six colored markers’ worth of heart exclamation point smiley THREAT heart heart.

And the winner is…

Gee, Bell, that IS funny, cuz you really threw me off with that “I hope you had a nice day!! <3 ” shit. (I’M ACTUALLY KIDDING. I WILL CUT YOU.)

related: One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

Really, some people are just better off living alone.

Presented in order of appearance:

related: What’s harder than changing the toilet paper roll?

Writes Randall, of xkcd fame: “This is a box of rice I found in our apartment’s fridge. I’m guessing it belonged to Tedd.”

That extra “d” sure seems to have given Tedd a bit of unresolved rage, huh?

related: How would you feel if I used up all of your “whatever?”