Entries Tagged as 'Seattle'

Can’t you go back to parking down by the river?

March 5th, 2014 · 41 Comments

Writes Jack in Seattle: “A friend of ours is a professional tile setter and general handyman. Sometimes he stays over and parks his work van on our block. We found this note on his windshield one morning after Sunday brunch. It’s so typically ‘Seattle’ it’s hard to be offended.”

No offense but this van looks hella creepy at night.  can you park it in front of someone else's house from now on.  I'd really appreciate it.  Thanks :) -easily creeped out neighbor

Meanwhile, Charon noticed that this van-owner in Couer d’Alene, Idaho did get offended, “apparently because he owns a creepy van and people pointed out that it was creepy.”

hey lady I own a home next to the school, I like this van, and now I've been profiled for driving home. I work at the Hayden Library, my wife nurses the dying, you owe us an apology.

P.S. Van owner: Maybe “I own a home next to the school” wasn’t the best way to get your point across here?

related: I don’t know you, and this is crazy…but your boyfriend’s hot, and your parking’s lazy.

extra credit: the 10 creepiest vans [jalopnik.com]

Tags: Idaho · kinda creepy · parking · Seattle · smiley

The sugar shelf of death

February 18th, 2014 · 139 Comments

“There’s a shelf in our office, where, every couple of days someone will contribute some sort of sugary/fatty treat,” writes Laura in Seattle. Luckily, one of her coworkers stepped up to enlighten everyone about the death trap they’ve created.”

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

 

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

related: Cupcakes are a gateway drug!

Tags: food · hey fatty · office cop · questionable logic · Seattle

Aaaand…jazz hands!

January 29th, 2014 · 106 Comments

Who knew? Just add water to your ramen, and you end up with…ramen.

RAMEN PARTY!

But leave it alone and you get…a hot ramen dance party!

ramen party

This just in: According to our Seattle submitter, two of his office mates have started fires trying to microwave dry ramen. (NO PARTY FOR YOU!)

related: Four horsemen…and a microwave

Tags: clip art catastrophe · microwave · office · Seattle · that's a fire hazard

The stall-sanitizing shimmy

September 29th, 2013 · 50 Comments

Leah spotted this note in the changing area at Colman Pool in Seattle, a city she describes as “the epicenter of passive-aggressive communication.” Adds Leah: “I like the image of the kid’s shimmying out under the stall door as being a nifty method of floor cleaning. It’s both disgusting and passive-aggressive in the extreme!”

To the kid who locks the stall door and crawls out under the door: Thank you for using your swimsuit to mop dirt, germs, and wet toilet paper off of our restroom floor. We appreciate the extra help keeping the facility clean. If you would like to volunteer for more dirty jobs, please come visit us at the office. We have plenty of other tasks, like cleaning hair balls from the drains and scraping gum off the deck, which we would be happy to train you to do. Thanks! Colman Pool Staff

related: A few reasons not to feel sad that the public pool is closed for the season

Tags: bathroom · kids · Seattle · swimming pool · thanks (but not really) · that's disgusting

Well, that was a missed opportunity.

March 11th, 2013 · 18 Comments

Forget Tupperware parties — who could resist a Nasty Crap Container™?

This refrigerator will be cleaned out on Friday March 8th Please take the time to remove your items prior to the 8th. I will have an ice chest to put your lunch bags in. On Monday March 11th I will have a food container sale. Please visit my web page www.nastycrapcontainers.com

related: Don’t be such a miserable sod

extra credit: Fred and Friends “Bug Bags” Lunch Bags

Tags: office fridge · Seattle

Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your veggies

September 9th, 2012 · 35 Comments

This is not a passive-aggressive note, this is not a joke — this is a public service announcement, brought to us by Sarah in Seattle.

(No, it’s not as crazy as this, but darn, those tomatoes are cute.)

Attention Beacon Hill! There is a TOMATO THIEF on the prowl. TWO GIANT CHERRY TOMATO PLANTS WERE KIDNAPPED in the night. Be on the lookout. Lock up your veggies! This is not a joke! A public service announcement.

related: To the tomato thief: YOU WIN

extra credit: Tomato thief, busted

Tags: anthropomorphism · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Seattle

“We don’t want to have an academic in our apartment community.”

June 27th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Everyone’s favorite landlord, Thanx Garry, is back! This time, he’s here to reassure his residents that he’s determined to keep them safe from the epidemic of bug-eyed book-learnin’ types currently ravaging the globe.

"We don't want to have an academic in our apartment community."

P.S. I’m so happy this picture exists:

related: Really, Garry, you had me at “plese.”

Tags: landlords and property managers · malapropisms · most popular notes of 2012 · Seattle · spelling and grammar police

And on the eighth day…paper towels?

March 26th, 2012 · 42 Comments

So, apparently this is how creationism debates play out among employees of Seattle coffee shops.

Dear students, when sugar jars are stored upside down on a flat surface the water remaining inside has no where to evaporate and thus the insides remain wet in the morning. Please leave right side up at night. Thanks. Love, Science  Dear Science, I have invented the paper towel. Love, God

related: A public service announcement from Tully’s Coffee

Tags: cranky barista · God · It's science! · most popular notes of 2012 · Seattle · signed with love

How DARE you.

March 17th, 2012 · 48 Comments

Our submitter, Cynthia, spotted this exchange clipped to a fence in her Seattle neighborhood. “I love the meanness of trying to publicly shame my neighbor into returning this amazing garbage can, and my other neighbor’s overly offended response,” Cynthia says. As of yet, she adds, “the mystery of the missing garbage can remains unsolved.”

Meanwhile, I think some of us are still a little confused about what type of emergency constitutes calling 911. (Hint: a missing garbage can is not one of them.)

One of the neighbors told us they saw you take a white garbage can from our yard. It is custom for our cabinets [sic] and we need it. Please return it.  No questions asked.  Thank you. Response: No questions asked, how dare you. You got the wrong neighbors.  look [e]lsewhere for your can. Or call 911.You could of [sic] asked us about it instead of leaving a nasty note.

related: An eye for an eye, an eyesore for an eyesore

Tags: garbage · neighbors · Oops? · Seattle · stealing

It’s not a chore; it’s a date!

January 16th, 2012 · 19 Comments

Spotted by Kathy at her office lunchroom in Seattle:

1: Hate to state the obvious...But-Your Mother doesn't work here...Please clean up after yourselves 2: Mom never really did much cleaning. She was kind of a drunk. 3: it shows...

The real sad reality?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqDzKad2Q3M

 

related: You sure nag like my mother…

Tags: cleaning · office · rebuttals · Seattle · smartass · Your mother doesn't...