Entries Tagged as 'Seattle'

Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your veggies

September 9th, 2012 · 35 Comments

This is not a passive-aggressive note, this is not a joke — this is a public service announcement, brought to us by Sarah in Seattle.

(No, it’s not as crazy as this, but darn, those tomatoes are cute.)

Attention Beacon Hill! There is a TOMATO THIEF on the prowl. TWO GIANT CHERRY TOMATO PLANTS WERE KIDNAPPED in the night. Be on the lookout. Lock up your veggies! This is not a joke! A public service announcement.

related: To the tomato thief: YOU WIN

extra credit: Tomato thief, busted

Tags: anthropomorphism · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Seattle

“We don’t want to have an academic in our apartment community.”

June 27th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Everyone’s favorite landlord, Thanx Garry, is back! This time, he’s here to reassure his residents that he’s determined to keep them safe from the epidemic of bug-eyed book-learnin’ types currently ravaging the globe.

"We don't want to have an academic in our apartment community."

P.S. I’m so happy this picture exists:

related: Really, Garry, you had me at “plese.”

Tags: landlords and property managers · malapropisms · most popular notes of 2012 · Seattle · spelling and grammar police

And on the eighth day…paper towels?

March 26th, 2012 · 42 Comments

So, apparently this is how creationism debates play out among employees of Seattle coffee shops.

Dear students, when sugar jars are stored upside down on a flat surface the water remaining inside has no where to evaporate and thus the insides remain wet in the morning. Please leave right side up at night. Thanks. Love, Science  Dear Science, I have invented the paper towel. Love, God

related: A public service announcement from Tully’s Coffee

Tags: cranky barista · God · It's science! · most popular notes of 2012 · Seattle · signed with love

How DARE you.

March 17th, 2012 · 48 Comments

Our submitter, Cynthia, spotted this exchange clipped to a fence in her Seattle neighborhood. “I love the meanness of trying to publicly shame my neighbor into returning this amazing garbage can, and my other neighbor’s overly offended response,” Cynthia says. As of yet, she adds, “the mystery of the missing garbage can remains unsolved.”

Meanwhile, I think some of us are still a little confused about what type of emergency constitutes calling 911. (Hint: a missing garbage can is not one of them.)

One of the neighbors told us they saw you take a white garbage can from our yard. It is custom for our cabinets [sic] and we need it. Please return it.  No questions asked.  Thank you. Response: No questions asked, how dare you. You got the wrong neighbors.  look [e]lsewhere for your can. Or call 911.You could of [sic] asked us about it instead of leaving a nasty note.

related: An eye for an eye, an eyesore for an eyesore

Tags: garbage · neighbors · Oops? · Seattle · stealing

It’s not a chore; it’s a date!

January 16th, 2012 · 19 Comments

Spotted by Kathy at her office lunchroom in Seattle:

1: Hate to state the obvious...But-Your Mother doesn't work here...Please clean up after yourselves 2: Mom never really did much cleaning. She was kind of a drunk. 3: it shows...

The real sad reality?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqDzKad2Q3M

 

related: You sure nag like my mother…

Tags: cleaning · office · rebuttals · Seattle · smartass · Your mother doesn't...

Lord of the Laundry Room

June 21st, 2011 · 298 Comments

I’m probably more than a little biased when it comes to determining whether or not Alan in Seattle — the writer of the note below and self-appointed Lord of the Laundry Room — is, in fact, an ass.

For one, even though I know the scent of fresh laundry is actually thanks to evil chemical compounds and not “mountain breeze” or “spring rain,” I still kinda love it. Of course, I don’t live in an apartment directly above a laundry room. Instead, I live in an apartment surrounded by chain smokers. And while I hardly enjoy the smell of cigarettes, I’ve managed to deal without threatening to confiscate my neighbors’ Marlboros and replace them with bottles of bubble solution. (I also keep my windows shut.)

What say you, troublemakers? Is Alan wrong? Or is he just an asshole?

Hello all...I am again asking for everyone to discontinue using any scented products in the laundry room. I live right above and the laundry room and the synthetic cheap

related: You’re not wrong, Walter

Tags: ellipses-crazed · laundry · neighbors · odor · Seattle

How to respectfully steal my food

June 15th, 2011 · 30 Comments

Compared to the notes we usually see about food theft, Steven seems like a pretty reasonable guy. But isn’t “respectful stealing” still something of an oxymoron?

Right.. So.. Eat my bread? Fine. Rather it not get moldy but put it back in the right spot. But to the dumbass who ate my jam: You are an asshat. You left the jam open with no lid and left white fluffy shit around the edges. Then put it back. Who did you think was going to eat jam with fluffy shit in it? So yeah. Next time you want to steal food be respectful and steal so food doesn't go to waste. I hate that. —Steven

recent: That Outback bread was…

Tags: bread · food · roommates · Seattle · stealing · that's disrespectful

Really, Garry, you had me at “plese.”

June 2nd, 2011 · 60 Comments

I asked our submitter if she might be able to snap another photo of this memo/notice — one without the ghostly reflection of the man in the wifebeater — but alas, she says, it has since been taken down and replaced with a new memo offering a $500 reward for information leading to the culprit still vandalizing the elevator.

And yet, now that I’ve spent a little time with this image (in all of its beautiful absurdity), I’ve come to feel that it just wouldn’t feel quite complete without wifebeater man. Because this, my friends, is a work of art.

Plese Stop Drawing Dics in the elevater. Thanx, Garry

related: Thx Sandra

Tags: elevator · landlords and property managers · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · vandalism · WTF?

To whom that wanted my cat bot

February 6th, 2011 · 254 Comments

The proper care of outdoor cats has become one of those issues — like tipping, or whether the toilet paper roll should hang over or under — that will no doubt incite flame wars until the end of time. That said, Lindsay in Oregon was still a bit surprised when this note appeared on her apartment building’s bulletin board, given that “FOUND” posters referencing the same collar-less cat had been posted on said bulletin board for weeks on end.

To whom that wanted to be a superhero and take my cat to the pound, Thank you...Now I can't afford to post bail to get my cat out of kitty jail. Sorry she didn't have her collar on but I have bot [sic] her six of them already. And she hates them and she likes to some how get them off outside. I tried to keep her from the front but she liked all the attention. It's ok tho, My cat was the only thing I trusted and loved. Way to be an outstanding citizen.

After experiencing similar problems with the neighbors (despite the fact that his cat already wears tags with his owner’s phone number on them) Elisa’s friend in Seattle had another tag made in hopes of preventing future trips to “kitty jail” — or at least to piss of the neighbors taking his cat there.

Says Elisa in Seattle:

related: Cat fight!

Tags: cats · money · MYOB · neighbors · Oregon · rebuttals · sarcasm · Seattle · spelling and grammar police · thanks (but not really)

Please, contain your excitement.

November 2nd, 2010 · 78 Comments

“My office just got a new style of paper which has caused quite the stir,” says our submitter in Seattle. “It’s made from forested trees, or something like that, so obviously we can’t wait to use it.”

THE OLD OFFICE DEPOT PAPER IS TO BE USED FIRST.

PS - Please use it mostly for printing signs about which paper to use first.

related: Nothing fosters community like shared network printers!

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · meta · Seattle · smartass