Entries Tagged as 'sex sex sex'

Euphemisms of disturb

December 2nd, 2009 · 335 Comments

Our submitter in Dublin, California was leaving her apartment for work one morning when she found this syntactically-challenged note stuck to the door. “I assume my anonymous complaining neighbor has the wrong apartment number because A) My husband and I do not have children and B) For all but one of the dates listed no one was home to make any noise.”

She adds: ” We do, however, have other neighbors next door who are quite loud, and I’ve often been woken up to the sounds of moans, grunts and something heavy slamming into an adjoining wall.” (You know, just like that part in Big where they play pinball and jump on the trampoline!)

“When my husband saw this he laughed pretty hard and wondered aloud weather ‘kids jumping on the bed‘ was a euphemism for loud sex.”

euphemisms of disturb

related: Down and dirty down under (dear)

Tags: California · neighbors · noise · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police

Your girlfriend is frightening the kittens

November 23rd, 2009 · 113 Comments

P.J. in Huntington, New York says his girlfriend found this note on the stairs “the morning after she came over dressed like a school girl.”

Meanwhile, P.J. leaves several questions unanswered in his explanation, among them…So, why did your your girlfriend come over to Mom’s house dressed like Britney circa 1998? How old is this girlfriend, relative to the age of a) an actual school girl and b) yourself? Is your mother, in fact, a cat?

I'm not happy about Lauren walking into my house dressed like something out of a bad porn movie. It was embarrassing to me. Love, Mom

Moral of the story: When dressing to impress, show your respect for Mom’s taste by dressing like something out a good porn movie. (I mean, Lauren, really, sexy school girl? So trite!)

related: (you know the book)

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Moms & Dads · Mother-son notes · nice stationery · sex sex sex · signed with love

“Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts”

November 1st, 2009 · 329 Comments

Writes Mike in Provo, Utah: “This is a letter my friend Liz found on the windshield of her car during the time she was dating her now-husband. They framed the note, and now have it proudly displayed in their living room.”

passiveaggressivenotes.com: nosy neighbors in provo, utah

related: A substance user and a player!

Tags: "helpful" advice · have a nice day · most popular notes of 2009 · MYOB · neighbors · Provo · sex sex sex · unsolicited feedback · Utah

A new twist on the walk of shame

August 13th, 2009 · 126 Comments

Ah, college. While living in an all-female dorm might reduce some types of conflicts…

ah, college

ah, college

You also get…this. Explains Hannah in Pullman, Washington: “I live in an all-girls dorm, and guys aren’t allowed to use the bathrooms in the hall. The rule is they are supposed to be escorted out into the lobby…which is a apparently too long of a walk for some people.”

Urine in bottles thrown out windows is disgusting. Please escort male guests to the lobby to use the restroom. Don't make someone else clean up your guest's urine.

related: (it wasn’t me)

Tags: CAPS LOCK · college life · piss · roommates · sex sex sex · that's disgusting · that's unsanitary

One can only hope you won’t be giving the wedding toast

June 28th, 2009 · 85 Comments

At a recent wedding that Allison in Ealeigh, N.C. attended, the bride asked that, instead of signing a guestbook, wedding guests write their wishes for the couple on fabric squares that would later be made into a memory quilt. When Allison saw this one sitting on top, she couldn’t resist snapping a photo.

One can only hope you saved yourself for your wedding night

related: Taboo, the game of unsolicited douchebaggery

Tags: love & marriage · North Carolina · sex sex sex · unsolicited feedback

Some advice on roommate living

April 28th, 2009 · 142 Comments

Our anonymous submitter was mildly amused when he noticed this little hypothetical how-to pop up in his Facebook feed. But the real kicker, he realized, is that the one person tagged in the note happens to be (ouch) the notewriter’s current roommate.

some advice on roommate living

Adds our submitter: “To my surprise, the girl never commented on it, but I’m sure she got the message — she was called out!”

related: Some dating advice

Tags: Facebook · frenemies · roommates · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police

Panty raid!

January 14th, 2009 · 104 Comments

Caitlin at Ontario College didn’t write this note, but she feels for the person who did — she and four friends on her floor also had panties go missing from the dorm laundry room. “The thief seemed to particularly prefer black thongs,” she says. (Unlike the notewriter, however, they don’t necessarily want them back.)

Whoever Keeps Steeling [sic] Panties form the Dryers PLEASE STOP!! AND BRING THEM BACK!!!

Since then, however, it seems the thief may have (ahem) moved south of the border. The female residents of Alexis’s apartment building in Seattle are now facing a similar problem.

ATTENTION ALL RESIDENTS...I'VE RECEIVED CALLS ABOUT MISSING GIRLS UNDER GARMENTS AND IF CAUGHT WILL BE EVICTED!!!! HAVE SPIES WATCHING!!!!

And then…well, then there’s Japan. Jason spotted this note in Tokyo when he was staying there a few years back. Unfortunately, he never got the whole story, but that might be for the best.

To whoever stole 4 pairs of my underwear off the roof: You are one sick fucking individual. How fucking pathetic that you can't afford your own so you go and steal mine. Enjoy the crabs & bad karma you piece of shit.

related: Are you there, Margaret?

extra credit: Panty thief busted, then busted up [the smoking gun]
Panty thief jailed for laundry larceny [msnbc]

Tags: Canada · college life · kinda creepy · laundry · Ontario · Seattle · sex sex sex · stealing · Tokyo · WTF?

I am seriously like gonna hyperventilate and die, and it will be your fault

October 21st, 2008 · 162 Comments

Earlier this year, Emma in California was sharing a kitchen with three other girls. one day, out of the blue, one of her roommates posted this note. (Warning: prepare to reexamine any preconceptions you may have about Mormons, straight-edgers, and college-aged women in general.)

untitled 06.17.08 2

By the next morning, Wmma says, the note was promptly defaced, but Pam didn’t respond until about a week or so later, when she announced she was moving out. Apparently, she was saving it all up for her final missive. (Side note to God: While Pam may have a filthy mouth, she did censor herself from taking your name in vain!)

i am seriously like gonna hyperventilate and die, and it will be your fault

related: Losing lisa

extra credit: summer heights high [youtube]

Tags: cleaning · college life · God · mean girls · roommates · saga · sex sex sex · signed with love · thanks (but not really) · you know who you are

Listing in Now Magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. Revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 75 Comments

…well, you know how it goes.

The listing is NOW MAGAZINE is INCORRECT. We don't provide the services usually fulfilled by your left hand. If you have to knock, you don't belong here, so PLEASE LEAVE.

Meanwhile, in Melbourne…

Sorry, this premises no longer providers "erotic relaxation" or any other service of that nature.

And in London…

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL!!

…a saucy variation on a much-photographed placard from London’s Soho:

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL THERE ARE NO PROSTITUTES AT THIS ADDRESS

But my favorite sign was spotted by Nick at a backpacker’s hostel in Rio:

Prostitutes are strictly forbidden to come upstairs. We recommend you go to Panda Motel at Sao Clemente, 298.

related: The whore of West Babylon

Tags: "customer service" · Australia · Canada · Melbourne · Rio de Janeiro · sex sex sex · Toronto

Franger al fresco

July 26th, 2008 · 118 Comments

Geetha in Sydney says this note appeared in the shared dining room the day after the city’s gay Mardi Gras. The best part? “A few people admitted the condom might be theirs, but nobody would take credit for the note.”

To the owner of this condom, the backyard is no place for the use of such things. Please use rooms provided. :)

related: Dearest roommate

Tags: roommates · sex sex sex · smiley · Sydney · visual aids